I want you all to know....

[The_Hammer]

...That I am a liar and a fake. Since 7/26/07, I have been conning three Docs for pain meds. I went down fast after 2/08/08. I have been detoxing since last Wednesday and drop my last lortab on Saturday. I went to the hospital today for an exam and the shrink said I didn't have to be put in even though I told him the sawbone counted out 504 pills I took from 4/1 to 4/20.

At this point I deserve whatever I get. I turned myself in to the State Mounties last Wednesday.

So brothers and sisters (I don't feel qualified to call yall that no more , so file it in "for what it's worth"). I meant every woed in support and kindness to yall, if ya can stomach that. For now anyways;

A tout le monde, a tout mes amis, je vous aime-je dois partir. Tell em what it means Rarly.

[best]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

So brothers and sisters (I don't feel qualified to call yall that no more , ...

Jimmy

Two things... knock of the crap talk about not being able to call us brothers and sisters. For there but the grace of God could be any one of us.
How many operations has it been? I know it isn't an excuse but it sure has me dish out extra slack towards you.

And now for #2

"ILYATNADTYCDAI"

Love you my friend.

[toad]

Been missing you hammer..........all we really have is today. You are my brother. I too love you and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.....So where you at? Stuck in today........you know what to do.....I am grateful that you came back to us, we're family.

[Freedom1990]

Okay, I'm going to put my two cents in here, and it's been one hell of a day already.

I'm mad, mad that you took the easier softer way, and I didn't.

I just barely got my brain wrapped around the fact I have two alcoholic daughters, the latest acceptance being my 19 year old.

She's been dropping hints of moving in with an old 'friend', but dropped the bombshell today that this weekend is the big move.

I know the 'friend', hard core alcoholic, and not the funny guy on the barstool who falls off laughing, but the hair trigger temper alcoholic.

I can't describe to you the icy fear that has been clutching at my heart today.

In 1986, I walked away from my psychotic violent whiskey swilling, meth slamming husband.

I had nightmares for years, flashbacks for far more than I can remember.

I was thrown down the wooden basement steps, in addition to brutal beatings too numerous to recount, and today, in my mind, every time I quit saying the serenity prayer, in my head, I heard those steel toed boots coming down the stairs because he was going to finish me off.

I'm mighty short on faith today knowing that my 19 year old is walking into the lion's den.

I've called my sponsor. I've journaled. I posted on the Alanon site I frequent.

I can't save her from herself, but it's been hell all day to let go, knowing I was beaten to within an inch of my life, and I don't want her to go through that too.

I've felt every excruciating inch of my fear today.

Oh hell, I'm not even mad now that I typed that out. I'm sad you cheated yourself, never mind how anyone else feels, dammit.

[Hurricane]

"A tout le monde, a tout mes amis, je vous aime-je dois partir"
I like that song too, but I sure hope you continue to post.
Your in my prayers Hammer.

[Freedom1990]

I'm sorry for all the crap I wrote earlier.

I've got a lot of fear right now, and that includes for you too Hammer. I hope you can forgive me.

[best]

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

I've got a lot of fear right now, and that includes for you too Hammer. I hope you can forgive me.

Having met Jimmy in person, I think it would be safe to say...
He can handle what ever comes his way and if he feels there is a need to forgive...He would do so even before you ask. That man has a big heart for others. I hope he uses it to forgive himself as well.

[Jazzed_N_MD]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

...That I am a liar and a fake. Since 7/26/07, I have been conning three Docs for pain meds. I went down fast after 2/08/08. I have been detoxing since last Wednesday and drop my last lortab on Saturday. I went to the hospital today for an exam and the shrink said I didn't have to be put in even though I told him the sawbone counted out 504 pills I took from 4/1 to 4/20.

At this point I deserve whatever I get. I turned myself in to the State Mounties last Wednesday.

So brothers and sisters (I don't feel qualified to call yall that no more , so file it in "for what it's worth"). I meant every woed in support and kindness to yall, if ya can stomach that. For now anyways;

A tout le monde, a tout mes amis, je vous aime-je dois partir. Tell em what it means Rarly.

Sounds like a pretty good 5th step to me. How can ya look away from someone doing step work?

I am EXTREMELY BLESSED to see ya get in touch with yerself, BROTHER!!!

Now, forgive yer self, God and everybody else here has.

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

...That I am a liar and a fake. At this point I deserve whatever I get. I turned myself in to the State Mounties last Wednesday. So brothers and sisters (I don't feel qualified to call yall that no more ).

Jimmy: Now that you have come clean with everyone else, get off the darn pity pot. You are not a liar and a fake. You are an alchoholic/drug addict, just like the rest of us. You are a Brother, struggling to find his way, just like all of us, banded together to stay sober & clean one more day, through the Grace of God. Don't you dare disappear from this forum, we all need you here, especially me, you and I are Brothers and kindred spirits. " Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake ", ( Page 449 ), so use this experience to kick you upstairs, not down. We are all here for you Bro and I'll continue to put extra knee time in for ya....

[Fulldresser4]

Jimmy, what best said!!! We ARE family and you are stuck with us, like it or not. And dammit, you KNOW that God has forgiven you, so you NEED to forgive yourself. I don't know what your quote means, but it had better not mean anything about goodbye. I need you here. Is it selfish? YES but I mean it! You have no idea how much you have helped me through many a long night with your words and prayers. So my BROTHER, don't bail on me now. You are in my prayers, and I love ya!

Annie

[recoveringnky]

I just replied to your PM my BROTHER. I, like many others, need you here on this board!! You are IMPORTANT to my sobriety...please keep posting! I love you!!!!!! Unconditionally!!!!!!!

YOUR SISTER
Kym

PS: Put the hammer down...Hammer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PPS: I know that Megadeth song my friend.........no farewells, OKAY!!!!!!!!!! WE NEED YOU!!!!!

[BillJ]

Like everyone else on this board, I consider you family. I will not turn my back to you.

It takes a brave heart to admit that you've slipped. It's not a happy occasion, but it can be the beginning of a new recovery.

It was for me. Thirty years ago I admitted to my sponsor that I'd never really been sober in the year and a half I'd been "around" AA. That moment of honesty and humility put me on the path to true sobriety, and thirty years of unimaginable growth.

I've seen it work that way for countless others, too, who were forced to admit that "marijuana maintenance", "Valium therapy", or some other using scheme had kept them from getting the full benefits of AA life. They got honest, got sober, and got going in recovery.

You're standing at the threshold of a stronger, better sobriety than any you've known before. Take the ball and run with it, brother. I love you, and I'm here for you.

[lionsstripe]

ok first you can call me brother or even my name "Robert" but please dont call me sista LMAO,,,,, okies so the hell what, you been lieing you been taking pill's **** thats what addicts do isnt it, now what i suggest you do is get your head out of your ass and work this great program of recovery, go to meetings get a sponsor and work the steps, my god if i can get this any body can, so you have two choice's keep your head up your butt and stay on the pitty pot or work this great program as it is layed out in the book for us, your choice this great program ONLY WORKS IF YOU WORK IT so now brother steve get your head out your ass wipe the tears away blow your nose and get to work on the program, just a suggestion

[harleyrunt]

You are still my BROTHER even though I was not a part of this group yet when I relapsed and used in OCT you all welcomed me with open arms. I look at it this way you are sitting at the bottom of the can again you can either stay there, or slowly DAY by DAY pull yourself up and out. I am here to pray for you and support you. MY BROTHER!!!!

[Astro]

Hmmm, it takes a pretty strong and courageous person to admit that they're powerless over anything. I don't know of any liars or fakes with that kind of integrity.

Now not having someone like The Hammer post on SR that he'd had a slip on pills? Well, that'd kinda suck.

[The_Hammer]

I will just listen for awhile.

[lilbit]

C'est LaVie.
Life goes on...I think you are great for being soo honest. I think you are great. If ya feel a little sick about yourself...okay. But I'd like to get to know more about you from your writing....so keep posting.
Peace Be With You!

[sticker]

that had to be hard to fess up to hammer, but not as hard as living the lie...everybody makes mistakes but it shows your charicter coming clean. hang in there brother, do the next right action..trust in the God of your understanding:

[TonyB]

Jim,
Not going to shoot the wounded. I have been where you are right now. Get up, knock the dust off yourself and get your butt to a meeting! I respect your courage, to be able to come here and make that post. But, I think like RH said... Time to get off the pity pot and get well.
I've got some prayers going up for you my friend.
God Bless,
Chief

[njdiver]

We're Alcoholic and addicts, we are not perfect and it is only through God's Grace and AA that we have the tools we need when we slip, and yes anyone of us could slip. Welcome Back Hammer and keep comin' back, God Loves ya, we Love Ya and we need each other to stay sober & clean.

God Bless You and you're in my prayers BROTHER!

L&R
Diver