The oldest daughter is back in jail

[Freedom1990]

No phone call yesterday, so late last night I realized I hadn't heard a thing, which meant the judge refused an extension of probation, and back to jail she went.

I clearly remember at one time praying that 28 was the magic age for her too as I was taken to rehab at 28.

Now I just ask for God's will to be done, and not mine.

She turned 30 in January. Numerous trips in and out of jail, lost custody of her children, OD'd on ritalin and was found unresponsive on the floor while my grandson was there (which was the precipitating factor in her losing custody), lives like a nomad, house to house as her enablers tire of her quickly.

She's much more resourceful than I ever was in my active alcoholism/addiction, and so who knows what will come of it all?

I sleep well at night knowing that God had/has a grand plan for me I never would have guessed, and he's got one for her too that I no longer have to interfere with!

It took a long time for me to get to this point. Because of those precious grandchildren, I did get caught up in the insanity of her addictions, and it wasn't until I stood on the cliff, mostly insane myself, realizing my own hard-earned recovery was going to go over the edge if I didn't let go, did I finally back off and get back to the business of my own life and recovery.

[grateful2b]

((((((((Freedom1990))))))))
my heart aches for you and I am so inspired by your strength and faith...your recovery is shining

[recoveringnky]

Originally Posted by grateful2b

...your recovery is shining

Ever so brightly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing your inspiration with us!

Hugs,
Kym

[The_Hammer]

Freedom-how do the Alanonr's say it? "I didn't cause it and I can't cure it.." THat leaves but one path and that path leads straight to our HP. Looks like you have that down, way to go and keep your chin up. I can relate, my kids are runnin on their own will (self-will run rampant) right now too. Especially my middle daughter, the older one is living a textbook life (AA and Bible). I don't love anyone more than the others, it's action and behavior, ya know?

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

Freedom-how do the Alanonr's say it? "I didn't cause it and I can't cure it.."

Yep, it's the 3 C's, I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I sure can't cure it!

I'll put your offspring on my prayer list too

[quendrida]

i too am inspired by your strength and faith thank you

[Jazzed_N_MD]

Frank, my ex-wifes husband, has been a good man and provider for my children for years. I have no complaints and we talk regularly as a couple of old black men with a common goal, his step children and my children.
As I watch my daughter repeat the same mistakes again and again, I know she is just like me and there aint a damn thing I can do about it. She is heading to some form of incarceration by semesters end.
Frank showed me a letter she had written as well as a log in her diary where she says "I want to be just like my Dad and I am half way there". At first, I took her behavior personally. She is just like me, a rebel. A person that wants to make her own mistakes. A very passionate person that doesn't have the maturity to understand this passion,...yet. Because of this, she is very emotional and her emotions show at the extremes. Uncontrolable laughter, unstopable tears, distructive rage, total isolation.
Now this is a fathers point of view and the father is an addict (in recovery). I see it worse than it is and I see the end result because I've been there. But there is nothing I can do to stop her direction and I have no right to do so even if I could. My responsibility is to get out of the way, (hers and HIS) and let go. She will always be my daughter and I will write and visit her in jail because I've been there and I love her. But I will not step outside of my boundries to enable her to be like me.
Just because I was an active addict, does not mean I caused her to be one. Now that she (basically) is one, I can't control her using no more than I could control mine. And we all know there is no cure for this disease, it can , however be arrested at some point and recovery is THEN possible.


By the way, my daughter is turning 21 this year, 2 days after my B-day, 1 day after my (currant) wifes B-day. 16th,17th & 18th of Sept. My clean date is the 11th, aniversary is the 4th. Virgos rock!!!

[BillJ]

My belly-button b-day's the 19th. Damn right Virgos rock!!!

[Hurricane]

I'll jump in with the 15th

[BillJ]

Maybe we ought to be having our get-together in September instead of August!

[Jazzed_N_MD]

Originally Posted by BillJ

Maybe we ought to be having our get-together in September instead of August!

Might be an idea for RFL 09



Wait...Wait...Wait!!!

[toad]

10 years clean and sober on the 12 of Sept. for me..........

Freedom, I am inspired by you experiences. I also have a daughter in her thirties who is exercising her will in her drinking behavior. I will be praying for your daughter, lift mine up in prayers also please............toad

[recoveringnky]

Originally Posted by BillJ

My belly-button b-day's the 19th. Damn right Virgos rock!!!

My bb birthday is August 26!!! Go Virgos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Freedom1990]

Apparently I spoke too soon; she just took several days to call me. Sigh.

Same old same old. I had no idea what court was about this time, figured it was still in regards to the charges/jail time she did for a stolen credit card she used (did 5 months last year for that one).

It was shoplifting this time, and the second time she has been busted for it.

I asked if if she learned anything, she laughed and said yeah it's expensive to get caught.

The excuse for the stolen credit card was she needed to do laundry. Honestly, it's a walk in the park anymore for her when she does time as she knows it's three hots and a cot.

She's busy searching for a new enabler as the current roommate (and former cellie of hers) wants her out ASAP. That's been a pattern for over 10 years now.

I have no doubt she'll find another residence, seedy and unfit for her children when they visit.

But for the grace of God, there go I.

[Rarly Harley]

Learning how to " detach with love " has saved my sobriety and sanity with my son. It was really tough though and I needed help to learn how to do it....

[BillJ]

You, your daughter and grandkids are in my prayers, DeVon.

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by toad

10 years clean and sober on the 12 of Sept. for me..........

Freedom, I am inspired by you experiences. I also have a daughter in her thirties who is exercising her will in her drinking behavior. I will be praying for your daughter, lift mine up in prayers also please............toad

Toad, I will keep your daughter in my prayers also