Help!!

[lilkim]

My ex addict treated me pretty badly last time I saw him. He called tonight from the hospital. My niece took the call. He hurt the bike and him. No life or death but he's messed up. Along with the bike. When he called back, he said he just wanted me to know he's fine. I said ok and good bye. I didn't offer to go to him or anything else. Why must he call me with this stuff? He's got another girl, Why must I get these calls? What does he want? Amazingly, I don't feel terrible about not going. Small victory for me?

[The_Hammer]

Nah Kim, it aint no victory in the slightest. You can treat him like a human even if he don't treat you right. An ancient text once put it real well: "Treat those against you with love and kindness, this heaps coals of fire upon their heads." You can show him that you're bigger than what he thinks. He calls you to hurt you, or because he thinks it will. Go up there to see him. Bring a card. Do what's right, this will help you more than anything to set your relationship in the proper perspective. Just a suggestion.

[chris k]

Originally Posted by lilkim

My ex addict treated me pretty badly last time I saw him. He called tonight from the hospital. My niece took the call. He hurt the bike and him. No life or death but he's messed up. Along with the bike. When he called back, he said he just wanted me to know he's fine. I said ok and good bye. I didn't offer to go to him or anything else. Why must he call me with this stuff? He's got another girl, Why must I get these calls? What does he want? Amazingly, I don't feel terrible about not going. Small victory for me?

Change your phone number.

[lilkim]

I would but it's not my phone. I'm living with my sister. It makes her mad to think that she has to change a number that she's had for 15 years over him. I just try to advoid the calls. It the best I can do right now. She can be so stubborn.

[BillJ]

Originally Posted by lilkim

Why must he call me with this stuff? He's got another girl, Why must I get these calls? What does he want?

I'm gonna guess (based only on my own unhealthy behavior in past relationships) that he wants the security of knowing he still has his hooks in you. He may have another girl, but he can still pull you in. A sick ego relishes that kind of control.

I like Jimmy's "kill him with kindness" suggestion, but only if you feel strong enough to shake off those hooks.

Elsewise, get to a meeting, or with your sponsor, and let his girlfriend deal with him.

[lilkim]

I can deal with the phone but I don't know if I'm strong enough to see him in person. I think your right about the security issue. I've always come to the rescue in the past. The sad part is it's not really a girlfriend but a sex,booze and drug buddy. She will do the drugs and booze with him. I won't. So, I always have a clear head except about him. Plus, it makes me so sad to watch this. It's just going downhill so fast.

[best]

My first thought before reading the replies...

He may have another girl but he may be calling the only person he knows that is level headed and strong.

Getting the crap scared out of me, I would want to be calling on the one with brains.

Take it as a complement and then think on what the others have suggested as well as your own suggestions of not accepting his calls. You will find what is best.
Kindness beyond measure if you gather the strength is a good thing. You will sure sleep well doing so.

[Jazzed_N_AZ]

Originally Posted by lilkim

I can deal with the phone but I don't know if I'm strong enough to see him in person. I think your right about the security issue. I've always come to the rescue in the past. The sad part is it's not really a girlfriend but a sex,booze and drug buddy. She will do the drugs and booze with him. I won't. So, I always have a clear head except about him. Plus, it makes me so sad to watch this. It's just going downhill so fast.

Boundries!
They are yours to set and yours to maintain.
I have a good woman in my life. As a compliment to her, if we were to break up, I would cherish our friendship as long as I could because of who "she" is. Just as some of her past relationships have tried to do. She has reset her boundries with them out of respect for me.
Two things here. 1. The boundries are hers. and 2. Her character keeps people wanting her in thier lives.

Look in the mirror first, then decide.