Me and my old man...

[The_Hammer]

Face it brothers and sisters, we drunks and addicts leave alot of emotional, mental and physical wreckage in our wake. When we first take inventory, we start to get a glimpse of the results of that abuse, that wreckage we left behind. Our sponsor tells us to be ready for it when someone aint ready to accept our amends, even tells us to go engage in sexual intercouse with ourselves. Some may never forgive us.

Some may walk away after we're sober-long after.

Such is the case with my Pa. My Pa was an abusive, mean drunk. He tore me and my Ma up, every day of my life until I was 13, and he got into the program. Pa's got 30 years sober and I'm thankful for it, I love Pa with all I am. But he hates my old Lady with a passion. Don't get me wrong, Pa and I still talk, but it aint the same. He's honest, tells me straight up his beef is with my wife Laura. And I tell him straight up that I won't choose, that my wife is my life now, my responsibility is to her and his grandbabies. Hew respects me for it. We are ok, we love each other and rescpt each other. We accept things as they are.

Sometimes the road gets a bit rough on the way to happy destiny,

God Bless,

Jimmy

P.S.

Thanks for the vent

[recoveringnky]

This is a great place to vent Jimmy! Better out than in, ya know? The deal with your wife and your dad is pretty much your dad's issue and not yours. Hard to think like that when it's your wife, but that's how it is. At least that's how I see it as I've been taught by my sponsor. She tells me that I can love the person, faults and all. My hubbie doesn't care for my mom. I figure that's his deal and not mine. She's my mom and I love her...he's my hubbie and I love him. Whatever issue he has with her is for him to deal with and not me. Keeps it simple for me and that's what this recovering alkie needs....simple things!

Sure glad you vented and I love reading your shares! Go hug your wife!!!!!

Blessings,
Kym

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

We are ok, we love each other and rescpt each other. We accept things as they are.Sometimes the road gets a bit rough on the way to happy destiny,God Bless,JimmyP.S.Thanks for the vent

Jimmy: Man, our Fathers really affected us big time, didn't they? My Father passed away when I was 4 years sober. I had made amends to him for all my sh*t and cleaned off my side of the street. It was 6 more years into recovery though, before I could forgive my Father and detach from his shadow. Through a lot of work, I finally arrived at acceptance of the fact that my Father did the best he could, with what he had. I was 47 years old and 10 years sober when I got there. To get to that point, I had attended a treatment center for the Family Program , began going to Alanon and sought outside help from a shrink. I needed a lot of help to finally be able to "detach with Love", from my Father. I understand completely my friend.

[The_Hammer]

Rar,

Yea brother, goin to a great shrink now, the man even rides. It's taken a lot of knee time just to get this far, it aint over yet by far, the fat lady aint even warm up her pipes. Time, life and livin goes on.

Jimmy

[tramp]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

Rar,

Time, life and livin goes on.

Jimmy

that's exactly it man. screw missing another minute of life over their stuff. what they did to me during my early years can't be undone. i should consider myself fortunate to be as functional as i am. brain chemistry aside, i don't intend to let them have any more of my time, other than a "hey" and "see ya".
they didn't have time for me when they were livin, why should i make time for them now. life is improving by leaps and bounds. well, more like a snails pace, but it feels like leaps and bounds. progress.....

[best]

When dating my wife to be, my mother asked me what kind of tramp was I dating? No self respecting lady would be out after 9:30 alone with a guy.

Mom sobered up and after a couple of years of not seeing us or her grandchild, at that point we started to visit. In her own way...mom said she was sorry.

"You know, she is the best of all the daughter in laws."

Time showed her the truth.

[The_Hammer]

...until I hopped on my Kaw 100 dirt chewer at age 8, I never fit in any @*$ing where. Only when I had a case a PBR in me and an ironhorse between my thighs, was I in my element. I can either go back there (!$*! that), or I can move on with my sober friends.

At a meeting, when I have courage to be me, and here with you fellow road warriors, I am complete. I don't even know you people, and I can talk to yall about **** I wouldn't tell my OL. It almost chokes me up.

Speakin of choked up, my kid made me bawl Friday. He went 188 yards on 16 carries and 2 scores. Hard to imagine we didn't know if he was gonna make it last year bout this time. Three cheers for the HP again.

P.S., lawyer says there's a meeting on 9/18/06 to set the trial for custody hearing.

Later, and Blessings to All on this Sabbath-no matter WHo your HP is-Bless Ya!

Jimmy

[tramp]

hey! that's how alot of us made it. finding all of societys other rejects who accepted us for who we were
and never asked for nothing more.
i hear a lot of club bashing by sober folks and psuedo scooter jocks, and i have to wonder, have they ever really been?
my brothers are my brothers till the end. that society has found i am of some use to it now is of little consolation, and scarcely makes up for the years i spent on the " wrong side of the tracks". i may be sober, but i don't forsake any one who doesn't do me wrong. just my 2cents.

great news about your boy. hope things keep movin on in that direction.

[The_Hammer]

Thanks tramp-as a rule I like to stay as far as possible away from braggin about anything, let alone my kids. But that's quite a ways from havin meningitis, learnin to talk again, etc., in a year, aint it though. To God be the glory, great things HE has done.

Jimmy

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by tramp

hey! that's how alot of us made it. finding all of societys other rejects who accepted us for who we were
and never asked for nothing more.

I always felt like an outsider, a "reject", all my life. The first time I felt accepted for who I was, happened in 1980, when I came back home from a 10 year cross Canada adventure and hooked up with some bikers here at home. A 1% club chapter was formed the next year and I was given a probationary patch. I felt like I had finally come home. I loved the sense of brotherhood and freedom. Trouble was, I had already crossed the "invisible line". My Bros were raggin on me, askin me, "why do you have to drink so much and get so crazy?" The word "citizen" was something to be despised. I had to bail, knowing that if I stayed, I would end up dead or in jail. Smart move, looking back, but that's another story.....
I joined AA in 1990, when I couldn't take anymore. "Citizen" was still a dirty word. I felt accepted in AA, with all of societies rejects. 16 years of recovery later, I am still more comfortable with sober drunks than "citizens", especially sober drunks that ride. I have worked really hard at becoming a functional, contributing member of society, holding a job, paying taxes, getting remarried, buying a home and trying to help others. My home is AA and sober drunks are my people. I can get along ok in the real world today, but just last week, I was riding my Harley to work, blasting past all the imports and minivans, throttle pinned from light to light, having a whale of a time. I was first in line at the next red light, (of course), and a "psuedo" harley rider pulled up beside me and asked, "why are you in such a hurry to get to work?". I answered, " I'm not, I just enjoy pi**ing off the citizens". I obviously have more work to do.....LOL

[The_Hammer]

All's I got to say is; it's the same with me. I'm a square peg in the flow of society. As a scooter tramp, I could just be me, but I thought I had to impress everyone, I could fight harder, work harder, play harder, and of course I could drink two men under the table and pull a couple bongs to to "take the edge off". So was that me? Yea, the Harley lovin, America loving, hard workin man. THe other BS had to go or die.

I'm with you man,

Jimmy

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

All's I got to say is; it's the same with me. I'm a square peg in the flow of society. I'm with you man, Jimmy

Jimmy: Nice to know I'm not alone. I have been experiencing a lot of anger lately and it comes out in my aggressive riding style in traffic. I also notice my bosses at work are irritating me more than usual. I even started taking my truck to work last week, to see if I would be less aggressive in traffic. Wrong. I drive a 5.3 litre GMC extended cab 4 x that I souped up a little...I find myself being just as aggressive. I was blaming it on the full moon, the traffic, my bosses, my job etc. etc. etc.....Just expressing it here, I realize that I haven't been going to enough meetings. I've been only going once a week, sometimes two. I know myself, I've always been at my best when I go to three a week. I'll be going tommorrow night for sure, Saturday night I've been asked to speak and Sunday night is my Home Group. We'll see how I fare in traffic Monday morning...LOL This forum has really been a lifesaver for me my Brother. So many times I've logged on and read exactly what I was supposed to read. It is so comforting to know that it's OK not to feel completely comfortable in mainstream society and that there are many other like minded souls travelling the same road. Together we win, separately we die... Thanks for the boost.....Rubber side down.

[recoveringnky]

Originally Posted by Rarly Harley

This forum has really been a lifesaver for me my Brother. So many times I've logged on and read exactly what I was supposed to read. It is so comforting to know that it's OK not to feel completely comfortable in mainstream society and that there are many other like minded souls travelling the same road. Together we win, separately we die... Thanks for the boost.....Rubber side down.

Rarly: I know you were talking to Jimmy, but I read your post and yes, it's exactly what I needed to hear this afternoon! My scoot is down again, sponsees are being nuts... blah, blah, blah...poor, poor Kym, ya know? I've been finding that the "normies" are simply pissing me off lately,,,hmmm??? not enough meetings and praying going on with me! That's for sure! So, like you, I'll change that ASAP! Maybe then my road rage will go away, my patience level will increase and my serenity will be where it needs to be again! Ahhhhhh...feels good to vent here!

Blessings from the "not so patient, meeting missing, etc" chick from Kentucky!!

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by recoveringnky

Ahhhhhh...feels good to vent here!

Kym: Don't it though....The more like minded souls I find on my spiritual journey, the better off I am, no matter where I find them. If I stray too far, or for too long, my old thoughts and behaviour patterns surface real quick.....I'm off to my meeting. Later.

[BillJ]

Hey, all! Still in Baltimore ('til Monday evening), but I've been stopping by as I can to pick up some E, S & H. Y'all have made this trip bearable, and more so because I haven't made time for meetings. Like Rarly and Kym, I'm really feeling that deficiency, and it's showing up as harsh judgement and impatience. Amazing how many jerks are on the road when I'm in a bad mood!
:andy:

About fathers: Like so many of us, my Dad taught me, by example, to be a volatile, emotionally unstable and withdrawn drunk, prone to paranoia and fits of rage. In some ways I still cope with that legacy, even now.

However, my father also passed on some good traits - a solid work ethic, a sense of honor and compassion, and a core integrity. He made mistakes, and fumbled around in the dark the same way I do, but when he knew where the lines were drawn he never crossed them, even if he thought no one was watching. The best I'm able, I try to do the same.

The first year of my sobriety my father received two letters. One was from my older brother, who'd gotten involved with the ACOA movement. The other was mine, written as part of my 9th Step. Dad stopped drinking the following year, five days after his 54th birthday, and remained sober 'til his death 19 years later. When I asked him why he'd stopped, he told me about the letters - that they'd made him realize how much his drinking had hurt his children. In the only way he could, he was trying to make up for that hurt.

Growing up in an alcoholic home sucked, to be sure, but when I talk about the blessings of my life in AA, those last 19 years with my Dad are always at the top of my list. One more example of the power of the program!

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by BillJ

Y'all have made this trip bearable, and more so because I haven't made time for meetings.

Bill: I missed you my Brother. Glad you surfaced. My prayers for your Mom and Sister continue....

[The_Hammer]

I was blaming it on the full moon, the traffic, my bosses, my job etc. etc. etc.

You nailed it man, when the blame game starts up, we go down. Remember that ol' BS Rar? It went somethin like; "If the ol' lady would give it up..," blah, blah, blah. It was always somethin or someone or someplace else, never me, never the hammer screwin stuff up. Quite frankly, I hate the games the world plays too. I am comfortable in this hairy skin of mine these days and I could care less what they think of me. I live life on life's terms, I know how to play the game and I feel ok doi THAT. But the moral highroad aint for me, I am still the same tramp I was, just sober and on a somewhat even keel inside an out.

Am I well?

huh uh, aint sure that's the life for me either, hehehe.

Love ya bro.

[The_Hammer]

I've been finding that the "normies" are simply pissing me off lately

I resemble that remark.

Love ya my sister,

Jimmy

[best]

Originally Posted by BillJ

Amazing how many jerks are on the road when I'm in a bad mood!

Forgot you were in Baltimore. If I remembered I would have gone with my wife and drove...one less driver you would need worry about *LOL*
She is in VA right now so for today you are safe *LOL*

[recoveringnky]

Originally Posted by BillJ

Hey, all! Still in Baltimore ('til Monday evening), but I've been stopping by as I can to pick up some E, S & H. Y'all have made this trip bearable, and more so because I haven't made time for meetings.

So glad you surfaced Bill! I've missed seeing your posts!

Blessings to you my friend,
Kym

[Gooch]

Ok so Bill and I aren't riding at the moment.. Somebody better go get their faces in some wind so us vicarious types can share the feeling.

Acceptance is a bitch .. no wait that's not right.. lol

Seems I don't have any trouble with acceptance when I am just sitting around and healing up or biding my time. It's when I am allready caught up in the getting and using and finding ways and means to ........ grocery shop, get top the bank, make the cable payment, drop off the mower deck for repairs... etc. etc. ad infinitum....


my roomate's wife just camme into the breakroom asking if herhusband had any visitors after she left last night as today the stuffed chijuajua dog her son got him is m,issing.


At first I was a little tempted to go along with the inclination to feel interrupted....

then I remembered what this thread was sort of about, and how hard we have worked to restore our lives to a semblance of serenity and sanity........

so it was fairly easy to stop and shoot the breeze and realize that I might miss the life that happens when I'm busy making other plans unless I remember how important it is to stay part of it.

[recoveringnky]

Originally Posted by Gooch

then I remembered what this thread was sort of about, and how hard we have worked to restore our lives to a semblance of serenity and sanity........

so it was fairly easy to stop and shoot the breeze and realize that I might miss the life that happens when I'm busy making other plans unless I remember how important it is to stay part of it.

Hmmmmmmmmm....seems I need to keep that in mind myself Gooch! So glad to see you posting!!

Blessings,
Kym

[tramp]

[quote=Gooch]my roomate's wife just camme into the breakroom asking if herhusband had any visitors after she left last night as today the stuffed chijuajua dog her son got him is m,issing. [quote]


i would have smiled and
burped.

[Gooch]

Originally Posted by tramp

i would have smiled and burped.

Drop the chalupa!

[The_Hammer]

drop the chalupa

ROTFLMAO

Ya made the hammer smile, not an easy task, as I am currently swimming in self pity.

I thank you.

Jimmy