"...intuitively..."

[The_Hammer]

Recently, I read a post from tramp that said: "I didn't handle anythingly 'intuitively'." Tramp was talkin about a tough situation he was dealing with. But my brother was wrong. And while this post aint to challenge the tramp, nor to take exeption with that idea, it is designed to (hopefully) shed some light on somethings we don't always see, somethings we could be thankin our HPs for and maybe don't.

In shrink school they taught us about the 'Johari Window'. The window has four panes in it, and each represents a level a privacy or secrecy that we all carry within us. The top left pane is for the info we pretty much don't give a rip who knows; our first name, conversations about the weather, etc. The top right pane gets a little more private. We give tahat info out a little more carefully, stuff like our phone number, converstaions may include our health, or family members health. Bottom panes are a whole new ballgame. This is info that is deeply private, and even stuff we can't see in ourselves! The bottom left pane is 'members only", stuff like our sexual habits or history and conversations could include such info. But the infamous bottom right is the deepest and the darkest. Secret lovers, crimes and offenses lay here. And yes, things about us that we cannot even see ourselves-behaviors and such. Maybe we are sensitive about converstions that involve race and we don't see that for ourselves till a friend or loved on points it out and even then we probably will challenge the thought, depending on how mature we are. But all the stuff in the bottom right pane doesn't have to be sordid or evil, it can be great stuff.

By now ya all are sayin; "Jimmy, get to the bloody point, will ya?" My dear brother, tramp; did handle his problem intuitively! SO intuitively, he could not see it for himself. I'd wager to say that if half the BS that went down with him in this last episode had gone down with him a few years back, he'd have gotten wasted, handled it so that he would have caught a number at the State house, or got himself or someone else capped. Tramp was and is a true inspiration. But this aint the "I love Tramp" (Trampy...I'm home!) show neither, I got another quick point to bring out, then I'll spare ya all from anymore of me rantin.

Most of you know my baby girl Jordie had been sick. Well, the OL and I are strugglin mightily with cash, a sad and drawn out custody battle for my son and my own health continues to be an issue all of the time.

And I have NEVER been happier. Isn't that a trip? Can't even mount my scoot, let alone ride it. Can't pay a nickel to fart, so gotta explode. Ex-OL has called me everything but a white man in court (but can't convince 'em of anything, hehe). And I am happy as a clam. Yea, I she a tear now and again, but in the bosom of my HP, in private. And all of this is directly attributed to this program, you people and ultimately to my HP, whom I chose to call Jesus. Left to my own devices, I am as drunk as a monkey, strung out tough on Vikes. Lotta times both.

Thanks for lettin me vent.

Your Bro,

Jimmy

[BillJ]

Man, you're twisted! Maybe that's why I like you so much! :andy:

True story 'bout the Tramp, though!

As for you, I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

[The_Hammer]

donkey-smell Billiam...I think.

Jimmy

[Gooch]

Thanks for reminding me why I will never be "normal" ..


Most of us drunks are real head cases, deep thinkers, nerds, wanna be action adventure heroes, poets, pirates, gangstas, phlosophers, and self annointed gurus.... lol

Just to be on the safe side.... i meant this as a compliment.

[tramp]

bein happy with what we got is sure a benefit of this program. too many times it was easy to see the down side.
sittin here listenin to CSN&Y, Teach Your Children. we lose alot along the way. i lost who i was. more than a few times. sometimes it takes a kind of death to get it back. the money bro, that comes and goes. i find if i can keep a roof on our heads and food in our bellies were doin ok. any thing more is gravy. that's where my faith was tested most. the whole concept of the sabbath, knowing who's in charge and that despite our best efforts it is by gods grace alone that we prosper. i had to let it all go, sober. i did my thing, or the thing that was mine to do at the time and i survived. there was a time i had no time for work. or the temperment to work. it was ok.alot of people don't understand that. gods will and mans rules sometimes conflict greatly. i choose to answer to a higher morality. not the church or the state. just that little voice inside of me. there is no wrong in being happy with the here and now.

as for being normal. wow. i spent so much time wishing i could be like them. brain dead, doing the same things day in and out. never knowing anything outside of my own little world. i tried for years to quiet my mind with drugs and alcohol. to no avail. i was still crazy. though my life does resemble theirs now in that i am happy.


as for them windows. there isn't a thing i haven't shared at a meeting one time or another. i believed that old "you're only as sick as the secrets you keep" line.

maybe i misunderstand intuitively. i think of it as action without thought. maybe its my training. i probably misunderstood. but i feel you give me way too much credit for doing what was right.
will be keeping you and yours in my thoughts Jimmy.


peace

[best]

i think of it as action without thought.

and you followed with some fine actions through this all.

You are an inspiration.

as for being normal. wow. i spent so much time wishing i could be like them. brain dead, doing the same things day in and out.

Normal is boring. Lets ride *LOL*
ps

sober

[tramp]

Originally Posted by best

and you followed with some fine actions through this all.

You are an inspiration.

Normal is boring. Lets ride *LOL*
ps

sober

that's the down side to this whole gig. i'm down to turning a couple axle spacers for the rear end and speedo i set up, making a set of handlebar controls. after that it's connect the dots wiring and off to the high way patrol for my title. so close, but it won't be this year. i been on such a tight budget with this whole thing, it amazing i got this far, lol.
now that i have the mill/lathe it'll be a whole bunch cheaper to do custom. i mean, i bought some of them jay brake controls, sunk 2k into them, then decided i didnt like them. not on my bike, the craftsmanship was flawless, the chrome the best ive seen done in the last 3 decades. they just don't fit ( image is everything), lol. much cheaper to turn them from a block my bro brings me for free from work and see if i like them. then im just out time.
i'm tring to work out a way to hide the "muzzle flash" now. while most folks can't hear those 410 cams, they can see them 2 foot flames shootin out the back. hard to be a sleeper belchin fire, lol. i'm gonna try those fancy baffles they got now days. the ones you can cut. if that doesnt work i guess i'll try sometning else. hate to go with different pipes, they just dont make any nice ones for iron heads.and i sure don't want mufflers. guess while im still down ill make an axle and spacers to run my mag on the front, fit my drum brake to it.
i decided that even if i can't ride it, it's probably gonna stay in the family. hard to part with , they're like kids, lol. only way i'd consider is if i got enough to plunk down on a new one. but i'll be ridin somethin one day. lol

[recoveringnky]

Thanks for venting Jimmy! I agree with Bill, you are a bit twisted!!! LOL !! and I'm sure that's why I like you as well....you are just like me!! (There goes my idea of terminal uniqueness!!!!!)

I'll keep you and yours in my prayers!!!

ODAT!

Blessings,
Kym

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by tramp

as for them windows. there isn't a thing i haven't shared at a meeting one time or another.

I'm with you on that one Tramp. There ain't nothin I'm afraid to share these days, even the bottom right window stuff, but I surely wasn't ready for it till I had at least 5 years in recovery.
Jimmy: I agree with you that all the bottom right window stuff is not all sordid and evil. There is some "little boy" stuff in mine, that I don't mind sharing these days and it's fun sometimes to let the kid loose, if you know what I mean. Specially when I'm feeling frisky on the Harley and the speed limit becomes a "suggestion" LOL. Just last week I bought (2) "supersoakers" and had a water fight with my lovely wife in the back yard. I was laughing so hard I was losing my breath and the neighbours were wondering what a couple of 50+ year olds were doing carrying on like lunatics. The freedom I have today is directly proportional to the percentage of my life that I turn over to my HP. (Same one as yours.) Even in cyberspace I believe the adage: "When two or more are gathered in my name, I will be there with them". Prayers up for you and Tramp my friends.

[The_Hammer]

The warmth I get from my HP and the program (vis-a-vis, the folk in the program), is incalculable. I think of the times I have spent in the shop, buildin a sled and tryin to remember a torque spec, or a clearance. Everything is calculable, aint it? No! I could not spend more than a day without my HP, or a person in the club to point me to Him when I wander off like a child (and I still do that after 8 years, dang near 9). You folks are direct tools of my HP, and give me exactly what I need, when I need it most. Most of you love me enough to tell me what I need instead of what I want to hear, and ya never saw me in your lives.

You will be blessed in proportion to that Rarly, count on it!

Blessings out to you all, trampster, Bill, Rar, Kym-love ya guys.

Jimmy

[recoveringnky]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

Blessings out to you all, trampster, Bill, Rar, Kym-love ya guys.

Jimmy

We love you too Jimmy!!

Blessings to ya!
Kym

[BillJ]

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

The warmth I get from my HP and the program (vis-a-vis, the folk in the program), is incalculable.

I feel certain Bill and Bob must have been divinely inspired when they figured out that we drunks - even the most anti-social of us - would need this thing called "fellowship" to make it through sober life. There's a spiritual song that says "We are the heart, we are the hands, we are the voice of Spirit on earth," and I really get that when I think of my AA brothers and sisters. Can't tell you how many times that human touch has saved my ass!

Originally Posted by The_Hammer

Blessings out to you all, trampster, Bill, Rar, Kym-love ya guys.

Back atcha, Jimmy! The fellowship I've found here is just as warm, just as profound, spiritual, and out-'n'-out fun (important!) as what I find in most meetings, and I am truly grateful for it.