Dry vs. Sobriety

[tabfan]

There is a BIG difference!

Somedays I think I am better. And, then, on other days, I feel like ONE SICK PUPPY! I guess that means I have not achieved perfection and I must keep on working my program, huh?


In my early days of "sobriety" I thought being dry would be just wonderful. I thought "Finally, I will get to do what I want, WHEN I want, and WITHOUT all those problems caused by booze & drugs to ruin it all!"

SURPRISE, SURPRISE! That ain't all there is to it!


What are the things I liked to "have fun" with? Let's see:

MUSIC, MOTORCYCLES, MEN, AND MONEY. I used to think it was cute to admit this during meetings in the beginning. Now, I just feel plain SICK when I think about it.......


Sheeeeesh!

[toad]

Many times I thought I had sobriety, but what I really had was so-dry-ety. I found myself with 8 years in the program of AA, and suffering from untreated alcoholism. I couldn't stand most AA'ers and cared even less for myself. I had to go back through the steps and re-work them from the viewpoint of being sober. Acceptance, forgiveness, and love are the answers to all my problems today.......still find myself with a case of so-dry-ety at times.........better than suffering from dry-polar.....

[tabfan]

Dry-polar?

[tabfan]

I'm not saying I have abused all those things in the last few years. I haven't. Infact, I think I have made considerable progress in the last few years. It's just that I have what's called an addictive personality and when I FIRST got into the program I used whatever would allow itself to be used.

(Did I just say that out loud?)

[tabfan]

I am still working a program.

I haven't abused anything in quite a while. (or anyone, for that matter!) Maybe that's why I am uneasy. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My father (alcoholic) did the best he could, and managed to do pretty good raising eight children actually, considering the abuse he survived in his lifetime! My mother (co-dep) did the best she could to "clean up the messes".

I have choices now. I was born into a extremely dysfunctional family. Even though I have learned to fix most of my character defects, there's a part of me that still "yearns" for the excitement of the unexpected. Does that make sense? Addicted to excitement? Hmmmm......

I don't hate myself. I am just "putting one foot in front of the other". I ask my Higher Power for help. Someone asked me: "Do you really believe in miracles?" I tell them what I heard at a meeting once: "We NOT ONLY believe in miracles...we depend on them!"

[kaymess]

[kaymess]

Originally Posted by tabfan

There is a BIG difference!

Somedays I think I am better. And, then, on other days, I feel like ONE SICK PUPPY! I guess that means I have not achieved perfection and I must keep on working my program, huh?


In my early days of "sobriety" I thought being dry would be just wonderful. I thought "Finally, I will get to do what I want, WHEN I want, and WITHOUT all those problems caused by booze & drugs to ruin it all!"

SURPRISE, SURPRISE! That ain't all there is to it!


What are the things I liked to "have fun" with? Let's see:

MUSIC, MOTORCYCLES, MEN, AND MONEY. I used to think it was cute to admit this during meetings in the beginning. Now, I just feel plain SICK when I think about it.......


Sheeeeesh!

Why does thinkin about it make you feel sick? I dont think it's sick. maby Im sick too.
dope and drink wasnt in yoiur list. As long as your not having fun at anyone elses expense, what the hell. Right?

[tabfan]

kaymess,

Hey, You're MY KIND OF PEOPLE!!!!!!


Well, I think I understand what you are saying anyway! "As long as I'm not hurting anyone..." I take that to mean, as long as I'm not hurting anyone, including MYSELF with booze and drugs! I felt that way too, in the beginning.

How long have you been working a program? Not that it matters! I've been in the program for awhile. And, yet, there are young folks that I see at meetings who seem to be working a better program than a lot of us in the room! They have all the serenity and clarity of an "old timer". But, I also see a pattern: The more willingness those types of folks get honest, they get better faster. Hooray for them! I feel like I'm getting better too. It's just that it has taken me THIS long to get truly honest. I could be further along by now, but I chose to "dabble" with the program. I don't recommend it. It was a twenty year lesson. I didn't need to wait as long as I did.

My sponsor says it this way: "If your mind is consumed with thoughts of other things (playing with them in your mind) then your mind is not on your program. You are mentally STILL dabbling with controlling people, places, and things."

My sponsor is NOT a god. She just has her own way of seeing things. I may not always agree with her 100%, but I ALWAYS respect her opinion. God didn't make a mistake by putting her in my life.

[stugotz]

Motives.....