Vulgarity

[toad]

Got a guy at a meeting I attend who uses the MF word knowing that it will offend some of the older ladies (my opinion). I think he likes to watch them squirm with uneasyness (also my opinion). I want to thump him (spiritually speaking).

Any opinions about vulgarity

[Lenina]

toad,

You might ask him point-blank if he realizes he uses the vulgarity? I think some of it has gotten so in the public, he may not realize. The way I've heard some vulgarity used while standing in line at the bank, waiting at the check-out counters and just walking along in a mall leaves me to believe many are aware of their language!

It doesn't offend me as much as I think it's just plain rude.

Love,

Lenina

[Rowan]

I was at a speaker meeting last week and the kid at the podium had about 9 months in. He used a couple of four-letter words, but I let it slide - until he dropped the F-bomb - and then referred to himself as a p*ssy. I found him very offensive. Standing at the front of the room, as a recovering alcoholic, he sure didn't sell me on what he had going on.

[Terranaught]

He's unwell and in whole or part being eaten alive by his own emotions. If it were really just too much to put up with I would approach him on that level instead of letting his emotional unease act like fly paper to catch a combatant who would then take on his toxicity unintentionally. It's important not to go to meetings to come away with noise in your own gut.

[toad]

Originally Posted by Lenina

toad,

You might ask him point-blank if he realizes he uses the vulgarity? I think some of it has gotten so in the public, he may not realize. The way I've heard some vulgarity used while standing in line at the bank, waiting at the check-out counters and just walking along in a mall leaves me to believe many are aware of their language!

It doesn't offend me as much as I think it's just plain rude.

Love,

Lenina

He knows he is using vulgarity. He is an educated man and very intellectual. He does it on purpose. I have noticed over the past 10 years (my opinion again) that he is still spiritually sick, and struggles with those of us who go to church. I am no stranger to using vulgarity, but I try and realize when not to use it. Actually when I got sober in 1998, my mouth was one of the first parts of my body to get some cleaning (house cleaning)

thanks for sharing..........toad

[Lenina]

toad,

Well, then that's a different matter. I have no suggestions other than perhaps the meeting chair could ask at the beginning of the meeting to please try to keep it clean. I've seen this happen in one meeting I used to attend.

Love,

Lenina

[toad]

Originally Posted by Terranaught

He's unwell and in whole or part being eaten alive by his own emotions. If it were really just too much to put up with I would approach him on that level instead of letting his emotional unease act like fly paper to catch a combatant who would then take on his toxicity unintentionally. It's important not to go to meetings to come away with noise in your own gut.

Why would someone put out an emotional flypaper.

That trash belongs in the burn barrel.

[TonyB]

Originally Posted by toad

Got a guy at a meeting I attend who uses the MF word knowing that it will offend some of the older ladies (my opinion). I think he likes to watch them squirm with uneasyness (also my opinion). I want to thump him (spiritually speaking).

Any opinions about vulgarity

Sure... Because you asked....

You be in charge of you and let him be in charge of him.
If he don't drink he may one day get sober, but until then.... All bets are off.
Keep coming back.

TonyB

[Astro]

It's unnecessary, but I'll admit to dropping an F-bomb in small group discussions now and then. I guess it bugs me when someone laces their entire share with profanity. Eff this, eff that, eff, eff, eff. To me it sounds kind of unintelligent.

I do agree with Tony though, whatever anyone else says isn't any of my business. I'll just do my best to keep my side of the street (and my mouth) clean.

[toad]

Originally Posted by TonyB

Sure... Because you asked....

You be in charge of you and let him be in charge of him.
If he don't drink he may one day get sober, but until then.... All bets are off.
Keep coming back.

TonyB

Hello Tony,

Thanks for your honesty. I respect what you have to say. My question is, do you think it is alright for a person who has a definite problem with church and people who attend church, to use vulgarity intentionally knowing it will offend others. I think that this is a lack of respect and outright rude behavior.

I am reminded of a line in the movie Lonesome Dove, when Woodrow Call whipped the Army Sargent and said to the people standing by, "I don't tolerate rude behavior in a man."

I asked the man to respond on this forum and he refused to defend his behavior in the presence of strangers.

I have dealt with the problem. Probably not in the most diplomatic way, but I was honest and assertive, maybe agressive might be the best word to use for my actions. I will not drink over the experience, and the other person has over 30 years, and I doubt if they will drink over it.

"Love and tolerance is our code," but I don't have to let someone continue to disrespect me and those I love.

Thanks for letting me vent Tony..........guess what? "I love you and there is not a damn thing you can do about it."

[toad]

Originally Posted by Astro

whatever anyone else says isn't any of my business..

I disagree with this Astro. I hope we can agree to disagree peacefully. I do respect what you have to say on this forum.

Anything said in my presence that is meant to be disrespectful to me and my beliefs is my business. I will let someone walk on me a little, and that is tolerance, but you keep stomping and I'm going to bust your azz (spiritualy speaking).

[Zencat]

I do let the f-bombs fly in my day to day speech. Its nothing that I find out of the ordinary. Having it so much of what I say in the F2F meeting or otherwise world I pay it no mind. They just come out. I do know its a ******* trip not to see my common verbiage get ushered out on SR. But there is a sensor on this site...be it automatic or something...its just as well....Maybe I'm an stepchild Osborn...who ******* knows.

[TonyB]

Originally Posted by toad

Hello Tony,

Thanks for your honesty. I respect what you have to say. My question is, do you think it is alright for a person who has a definite problem with church and people who attend church, to use vulgarity intentionally knowing it will offend others. I think that this is a lack of respect and outright rude behavior.

I am reminded of a line in the movie Lonesome Dove, when Woodrow Call whipped the Army Sargent and said to the people standing by, "I don't tolerate rude behavior in a man."

I asked the man to respond on this forum and he refused to defend his behavior in the presence of strangers.

I have dealt with the problem. Probably not in the most diplomatic way, but I was honest and assertive, maybe agressive might be the best word to use for my actions. I will not drink over the experience, and the other person has over 30 years, and I doubt if they will drink over it.

"Love and tolerance is our code," but I don't have to let someone continue to disrespect me and those I love.

Thanks for letting me vent Tony..........guess what? "I love you and there is not a damn thing you can do about it."

My point is simply this....
AA is about getting sober! This is not a social club like some people want to treat it. I'm not pointing my finger at you, that is just a generalized statement. Our primary focus is to help alcoholics achieve sobriety, not to limit them in their speech and to prevent them giving offense to old ladies.
I'm a hard core drunk. This guy just needs someone to properly sponsor him.
It's time to read that big book to this guy and stop hitting him with it.
Just my opinion and we all know about them....
I have seen some pretty rough things in my time around AA. Have even seen guys draw down on each other in the parking lot. Chairs thrown, fights break out... You name it.... Bottom line.... Did he drink today? Then he might get sober one day.
Love and Respect
TonyB

[Astro]

Originally Posted by toad

I disagree with this Astro. I hope we can agree to disagree peacefully. I do respect what you have to say on this forum.

Anything said in my presence that is meant to be disrespectful to me and my beliefs is my business. I will let someone walk on me a little, and that is tolerance, but you keep stomping and I'm going to bust your azz (spiritualy speaking).

I'm not going to disagree with you, toad. On the contrary I'm going to learn from your wisdom and let you lead by your example.

Bottom line.....there's tolerance....and there's being a doormat. I do need to be aware of the two, and to set a boundary when I'm not being respected.

Thank you.

[baggervance]

I grew up in construction so yall know what kind of mouth I have. I try and keep it clean in the rooms sometimes I slip. The people in after care drop the F-Bomb alot to much to suit me. There are quite a few ladies in there I can tell some of them dont like it. Alot in my opinion do it for attention I say that and I still talk bad even when Im alone I cuss.