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Old 12-07-2009, 08:48 AM   #21 (permalink)
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This has been an interesting thread to read, thank you for all that have shared. I have yet to meet an addict or alcoholic that does not struggle in this arena of life. Heck me and some friends even started a young peoples meeting of AA called "Straight Pepper Diet". The first time I heard the phrase "Incomprehensible demoralization" I wasn't sure what it meant, but I knew without a doubt how it felt. That term summed up my selfish quest of sexual conquests. Incomprehensible demoralization. Some where along the lines I developed this idea that if I could get a women to have sex with me, that it gave me value, made me worth something. Along with my other addictions I pursued this one clearly into insanity. I am so grateful for the big book and its very poignant advice in this matter.
page 70 of the Big Book
"To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache."

I send all my sponsees to this page, because it has truly helped me. Now I wish I could say that I have not made mistakes since being in recovery, but alas progress not perfection. Today my self-worth is not dictated by such things, this is one more miracle of the twelve steps in my life.
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Old 05-09-2010, 10:05 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Just bringing this up to the front to be seen.........

I love all of you and there is not a damn thing you can do about it!!!
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Old 05-10-2010, 04:00 PM   #23 (permalink)
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I attended a very interesting event in April. It was a couples-only AA/Al-Anon conference that's been held for twenty years. This year, for the first time, there was a session on sex. It was well-attended, participants were thoughtful and respectful, and the results were astounding.

The entire weekend was, for that matter. Couples were very bravely sharing even the most painful things, so they themselves could work through issues, and so their experience might benefit others. Jackie and I were blown away, and we're already looking forward to next year's conference!
Thanks for bringing this up again, Toad. It ties in nicely with tabfan's post on the BIR page.

Jackie and I did attend the AA/Al-Anon conference again this April. Just as profound and enjoyable an experience as last year's. They had the sex meeting again, and the room was packed to overflowing! Word must have gotten around about how good it was.

And I'm so glad to see people talking about such a vital subject, at the conference and here on these forums. How many of us have wrestled with this subject, and tried to find that "sane and sound ideal" the book Alcoholics Anonymous mentions? Thank God folks are willing to talk about it!

--------------------------

As an adjunct to the conference I mentioned, attendees have started "Chapter Nine" meetings in their home towns. Austin's Chapter Nine group has been going on for a number of years, but the meetings were always held on Saturday nights. Month after month, something would conflict and we'd have to miss the meeting.

After this year's conference, we met with several other couples who have also had to miss the Saturday night meetings. We batted around some ideas, and finally decided to hold Wednesday meetings (once a month, just like the Saturday group). The group wanted a central and stable location, so for the time being meetings are held in our home in North Austin. If the group takes off and grows enough to be self-sustaining, we'll seek out a church basement nearby, and move the meetings there.

Been a long time since I've helped start a new group. Whee! An adventure! :rotfxko
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Old 05-10-2010, 04:20 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Hot Topic!! Literally... It great when mature people talk about openly and honestly. I have great respect for AAs take on sex and think it is a great exercise for anyone to learn about themself and get their heads on straight. The big thing for me was a lack of communication with my partners. I was never sure what it meant to them, even though I knew what it meant to me. I simply and selfishly projected my own meaning onto my partner. Now it's better and real and I don't get crabs or feel awkward in the morning. Love that Willie Nelson song, "at 2 I went to bed with a 10 and at 10 I woke up with a 2". Sex is an amazing communication tool that is only as honest as it's user...

"PS..........Hey Bill, when I give a lady a ride on my scooter, is it polite to ask for a kiss for luck?"
I'm thinking it depends on where you want the kiss? LOL
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Old 05-12-2010, 04:40 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Y'all are amazing! I have enjoyed the _ _ _ _ outta reading all this!

Toad: I know you asked BillJ the question, but if you don't mind, I would like to give you an answer to your question about the "kiss for luck"......

My friend (different friend than the one mentioned in a previous post) and I went out one evening and had a good time. Nothing special, just hung-out with some friends in late June. When he gave me a ride home, he asked if he could give me a kiss. I told him "I would rather not". I did not feel comfortable with that at that time. Now, if Tab Benoit asked me for a kiss, I might have considered it, even if it IS a bold request! But, alas, my friend and I work together, and I didn't think it would be appropriate. We STILL work together and everything is cool. At least, it is to me, and I hope it is with him.
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Old 05-12-2010, 04:42 PM   #26 (permalink)
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BillJ,

You started a NEW group! Hey, I'm proud of you!
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:13 AM   #27 (permalink)
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I'll post this over in this one too I guess!

You guys have got this thing going in both rooms *taunting* us non-bike owners with your SEX threads! ;-)
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Old 05-13-2010, 09:59 AM   #28 (permalink)
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I'll post this over in this one too I guess!

You guys have got this thing going in both rooms *taunting* us non-bike owners with your SEX threads! ;-)
Hey, you can join the fun if you want!
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Old 05-13-2010, 10:15 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Now, if Tab Benoit asked me for a kiss, I might have considered it, even if it IS a bold request!
I had to Google "Tab Benoit" to see what the fuss was about.



He's cute, I guess, if you like that sort of thing, but he's not my type. You can have him! :rotfxko

Yeah, I helped start a group. We had our second meeting last night. It's certainly been a good thing so far. Even though there were just two couples last night, we had plenty to talk about, and ran well over an hour and a half!

We're hoping the group will grow, with time, but I'm content to let it stay small and intimate - a place where people feel safe opening up and discussing the hard day-to-day stuff, in sobriety and in relationships. That's important, I think.
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Old 05-13-2010, 11:10 AM   #30 (permalink)
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You know what, I have kids. I'm the proud owner of not one but TWO tricycles.

So there! Maybe I will play.
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Old 05-13-2010, 04:30 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Alizerin,

Please come out and play! (smiling)
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Old 05-13-2010, 04:52 PM   #32 (permalink)
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BillJ,

THANKS for posting Tab's pic! It made my day! He is a gentleman. I met him in '94 and we have been friends ever since. I may have seen him 15 times in concert in about seven different states including his home state of Louisiana. (Went to the "Jazz Fest" in 2000)

Some of my friends have asked me: "Didn't you and Tab have a 'relationship' in the past?" I always tell them the same thing: We have been FRIENDS only; We have never gone out with each other. He was single when I met him and so was I. I love his bluesy guitar music and I told him so. I believe in being HONEST upfront and right away!
He has NEVER come on to me. My sponsor tells me: "....And, if he WOULD HAVE, it would have been all over for him!" Hah! Hah! Hoo-hoo!

Truth is, though, we have respect for each other.
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Old 05-13-2010, 04:58 PM   #33 (permalink)
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BillJ,

I have an extra room in San Antone if you and Jackie would like to use it while attending the "International AA Conference". I originally got it for my sponsor. I was hoping to talk her and her husband into joining me there, but she told me that it is highly unlikely they will be able to attend.

Just a thought.......
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Old 01-15-2013, 10:11 AM   #34 (permalink)
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?..........sex.........any comments?
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Old 05-23-2017, 05:36 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Yada Yada Yada

In the Hebrew this word means "to know" in a sexual way. Funny how the TV sitcom Steinfeld made the word popular...I thought I would bring this thread back up front (Up Front is the name of the AA group I attend in the prison). It is amazing how many relapse because of sex in relationships...could be not enough, too much, with those outside the relationship.....amazing how many are in prison because somebody cheated.
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Old 05-23-2017, 05:46 AM   #36 (permalink)
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I like sex....she doesn't. We all know how that works out!
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