18 years ago today...

[Freedom1990]

I walked back into the halls of AA after throwing 4 years of recovery out the window.

I was filled once again with guilt, shame, and self-loathing, only it was much worse the second time around.

Many of those 'yets' I had heard so much about when I first got into AA did come true when I went back to drinking.

I was never a blackout drinker, but I progressed to that during my relapse.

I had a feeling of overwhelming fear that I couldn't put my finger on, but it often drove me to outbursts of crying.

I had moved over two hours away from my old stomping grounds when I got out of rehab in 1986 because I was still married to an active alkie/addict at the time who was violent and psychotic.

I spent four years establishing myself in this nice friendly community, trying to better myself, but I quit doing the things that had kept me clean/sober.

I ended up outside the bar one night drunker than crap, flipping my jeans skirt up and making people laugh. I was loud and obnoxious. It doesn't take long for word to get around and a good reputation to go up in flames.

I became terminally unique again. I never got rigorously honest in the first two 4th steps that I did, and hung on to the worst of the lot.

I was drunk in my mind a good 90 days before I picked up that first drink/drug again.

I set myself up for failure, and I did a bang up job.

I told myself I'd just go out one night and have a hell of a good time, and jump right back into AA!

That was the alcoholic/addict in me talking, the one who had come forward from the back of my brain and was driving the bus all the way to hell, shrieking with glee.

I was out there two months, and it's only by God's grace that I did make it back through the doors after only two months.

We've all got a punch ticket, there's a drunk on one side, and a sober up on the other.

At the end of the punch ticket, there's no last sober up after that drunk.

Today I firmly believe that I have used up my punch ticket, and I have watched plenty of folks go out that door and never make it back.

Today I am grateful for all the blessings in my life, and I'm going to try it for another 24 hours.

[toad]

Was it 18 years ago today that you relapsed or came back into the program?

Which ever it was, I just want to thank you for helping me stay sober today by bring to the forefront of my mind how cunning and baffling and powerful, alcohol is.

I sponsor a guy who has just a little over a year, and last week at a meeting he said he needed "to not forget the drink behind him, in order to not trip on the drink in front of him."

I pray that you and the zoo are doing well.

[Freedom1990]

It was 18 years that I came back into the program. I relapsed shortly after my original sobriety date (June 11th) and stayed out there for two months.

Alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I've seen it time and time again.

None of us are ever cured. I found that out the hard way.

[Hurricane]

Happy Birthday

[toad]

Happy birthday..........my, my,..........you are an inspiration to me Devon.

Keep comming back....

[Rarly Harley]

Congrats on the 18th Devon. It sure was a bumpy road sometimes, getting to 18, but I'd do it again if I had to. I bet you feel the same way...

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by Rarly Harley

Congrats on the 18th Devon. It sure was a bumpy road sometimes, getting to 18, but I'd do it again if I had to. I bet you feel the same way...

Rarly, the beauty of those bumpy roads is that we learn to navigate them in recovery, and we never have to travel those roads alone again.

I feel the same way too.

I am the sum off all of my life experiences, and today I am my best friend

[Rarly Harley]

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

I am the sum off all of my life experiences, and today I am my best friend

Ditto.....