What is Nar-Anon? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

margo · 07-02-2003, 11:40 AM

Nar-Anon is primarily for you who know or have known a feeling of desperation concerning the addiction problem of someone very near to you.

When you come into Nar-Anon, you are no longer alone but among true friends who understand your problems as few others could. Your confidence and anonymity are respected, as you respect the anonymity of others. Through Nar-Anon, you will come to understand that no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness is too great to be overcome.

The program, which is not a religious one but a spiritual way of life, is based on the twelve suggested steps of Narcotics Anonymous. Working of these steps will bring solution to practically any problem. Nar-Anon has been as helpful to the friends and family as the Narcotics Anonymous program is to the addict. Through Nar-Anon, we gain the wisdom and courage to see ourselves as we really are, to do something about ourselves with the help of a higher power as we understand this, and the grace to release our addicts with love and cease trying to change them.

With the understanding that addiction is a disease, and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over other people’s lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own. Then, and only then, can we be of any help to others.

Helping

Your role as helper is not to DO Things for the person you are helping, but to BE things, not to try to train and change his/her actions, but to train and change your reactions. As you change your negatives to positives -- fear to faith; contempt for what he does to respect for the potential within him/her; rejection to release with love, not trying to make him/her fit a standard or image, or expecting him/her to measure up to or down from that standard, but giving him an opportunity to become himself/herself, to develop the best within him/her, regardless of what that best may be; dominance to encouragement, panic to serenity; false-hope, self-centered, to real hope, God-centered; the rebellion of despair to the energy of personal revolution; driving to guidance; and self-justification to self-understand. As you change in ways such as these, you change the world about you and all the people in your world for the better.

From Nar-Anon of CT/MA

Mamabear · 07-18-2003, 10:05 PM

Dear Margo,

Your response convinces me that I need a meeting. I think it has to be nar anon. Now to find one in my area.

My heart is breaking. My son is out and high and drinking and driving. There really is nothing I can do. I prayed. It doesn't seem to relieve the weight in my heart.
Your response is one of the most articulate posts I've read. Though we may never meet, I feel very grateful.
Mamabear

BlueJay · 07-19-2003, 04:47 AM

Dear Mamabear,
Your post made me cry: the first time I've done that in ages; although some of the responses to my post have made me feel so utterly humbled: human again. Mamabear, trust me: although I am new HERE, I am not new to co-dependence or AlAnon/NarAnon. You've come to the right place. I was also heartened to read that you pray: this is a BIG part of my life as well. My prayers are with YOU, Mamabear: remember the first rule of survival in flight (I think it's apt here): The mother must grab the oxygen mask for HERSELF in order to help ANYONE else. And if that's all that comes of it, at least we, and God, will know we did our best. God bless you and your son: And there IS something YOU CAN DO: you're doing it by being here! May God bless you with Peace in your life, Mamabear. I'm learning to cry again, myself. And Thank You for reminding me to pray. So glad you shared; your post touched me very deeply and I pray I'll see you here again. Blessings. BlueJay

Mamabear · 07-20-2003, 06:03 AM

Dear Bluejay,

This is all very new to me; however, I have known people who have invested in alanon/naranon and somehow they make it through. They each have a sense of peace and integrity. Although I don't know exactly how it works, I recognize that it does work. So right now all I'm doing is opening myself to this process and the Spirit. That's about all I can handle right now.
Thanks for the support. I wish you the same. I noticed on your profile that you are newly separated. Good luck with that. Be strong and take your time in making decisions.
I like to read, too. Here are a couple of books with strong female voices that might be inspirational and fun to read: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd and Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel.
best wishes,
mb

Mamabear · 07-20-2003, 06:09 AM

Dear Margo,
I did it.
I went to my first meeting - it was an alanon meeting for parents of addicts. It was a mix of people whose honesty resonated with me. And I want to thank you. It was your post that encouraged me to go.
I know it's no magic bullet. I've made a commitment to try this for at least 3 weeks (2 mtgs a week) and then see if it has helped in any way.
What I discovered about myself is that I have never felt such pain and loss. So have many others. I have been given models to follow........others who are making it through this and coping. I can learn.

God is good.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Mama bear

Hangin' In · 08-18-2003, 11:37 AM

Mama,

I encourage you to stick with your Al Anon meetings. I know my involvement in them has literally saved my sanity. Even though my heart breaks over my daughter's addiction, there is NO way I could have made it this far without the help and teaching of Al Anon. The people there truly care and want my life to be better.

Hang in there, Mama. Peace is on the way....or at least some peace which is better than soothing a broken heart everyday. How well I know how you are feeling.

Hugs,

Hangin' In

JACKIEM · 08-19-2003, 06:46 PM

D

rainybunrs · 10-09-2004, 02:20 PM

Dear Mama Bear, I too was touched by what Margo wrote. (Thanks Margo, your letter was the very first I have read) and I have been to one meeting so far. I am also a mama bear so I know what you are feeling. What could be harder than watching your kids suffer. But more immediate to me now is the fact that I am also a gramma bear. My 17, 15 and 7 year old grandchildren are suffering more than I am over their mothers addictions. If there is anyone out there who is in this situation, any advice at all is very welcome. I am afraid I may end up raising the little one and I would be happy to do so, but I don't know how to accomplish it. My greatest fear is that my daughter will cut me off from him if I approach her. I need to know what the community resourses are and what my legal options are. I can accept the fact that I cannot help my daughter but what about the kids? HELP

Hangin' In · 10-09-2004, 08:06 PM

Rainybunsrs,

Welcome to SR. I just happened up your thread and thought I'd mention that you might want to start a new thread and post your question in it. I'm afraid your post might get lost since it's tack on the end of thread. I want you to get the attention and words of wisdom that you are looking for, thus my recommendation for starting a new thread with your questions.

In th meantime, take time to read the sticky posts at the top of this forum. There is great information in those posts.

Hang in there. You're doing the right thing by wanting the grandchildren protected.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

Hopefloats · 10-10-2004, 03:09 AM

Thanks Margo,....and to everyone here. Al-anon or nar-anon is the place that we need...for our love, our support, and for our hearts and souls to mend. Without my recovery I could not have survived my daughter's addiction. I am stronger for others around me....but most of all, I am stronger than ever for ME...and God knows there was a day I did NOT think I could put one foot in front of the other anymore....
God Bless you all....
HOPE2055

rainybunrs · 10-12-2004, 06:17 AM

Dear Hanging in,
I can't figure out how to do this. Can you help me? How do I start a new thread? I can't find the sticky posts you are talking about. Is there a site map somewhere I have missed?

Hangin' In · 10-12-2004, 06:27 AM

Rainy,

Ok, when you first get on this site and you are on the Nar Anon Board where all the different posts are listed, there is a button up in the left hand corner that says, "New Thread". Click on that and you'll be given a clean screen where you can type your comments. At the bottom of that screen you'll have to hit "send message" (or something like that) for your message to be put on the board.

Also, on the Nar Anon page where all the different posts are listed are "Sticky" posts. They are at the very top of that page and they say "sticky". They all have very good information in them and are a good source so read them.

If you need anymore help, you can click on my name and you can choose to send me a private message.

I'll keep a lookout for you.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

shaparak · 05-16-2005, 09:31 AM

please some body tell me that : what is the main reason`s separate of al-anon and nar-anon
it is so important for me
my e-mail is : shaparake_to@yahoo.com
please send it
thanks alot

07-02-2003, 11:40 AM	#1 (permalink)
margo Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia Posts: 1,726	What is Nar-Anon? Nar-Anon is primarily for you who know or have known a feeling of desperation concerning the addiction problem of someone very near to you. When you come into Nar-Anon, you are no longer alone but among true friends who understand your problems as few others could. Your confidence and anonymity are respected, as you respect the anonymity of others. Through Nar-Anon, you will come to understand that no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness is too great to be overcome. The program, which is not a religious one but a spiritual way of life, is based on the twelve suggested steps of Narcotics Anonymous. Working of these steps will bring solution to practically any problem. Nar-Anon has been as helpful to the friends and family as the Narcotics Anonymous program is to the addict. Through Nar-Anon, we gain the wisdom and courage to see ourselves as we really are, to do something about ourselves with the help of a higher power as we understand this, and the grace to release our addicts with love and cease trying to change them. With the understanding that addiction is a disease, and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over other people’s lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own. Then, and only then, can we be of any help to others. Helping Your role as helper is not to DO Things for the person you are helping, but to BE things, not to try to train and change his/her actions, but to train and change your reactions. As you change your negatives to positives -- fear to faith; contempt for what he does to respect for the potential within him/her; rejection to release with love, not trying to make him/her fit a standard or image, or expecting him/her to measure up to or down from that standard, but giving him an opportunity to become himself/herself, to develop the best within him/her, regardless of what that best may be; dominance to encouragement, panic to serenity; false-hope, self-centered, to real hope, God-centered; the rebellion of despair to the energy of personal revolution; driving to guidance; and self-justification to self-understand. As you change in ways such as these, you change the world about you and all the people in your world for the better. From Nar-Anon of CT/MA __________________ Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind is bearing me across the sky. ~Ojibwe saying~

07-18-2003, 10:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mamabear Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: phila, pa Posts: 231	Dear Margo, Your response convinces me that I need a meeting. I think it has to be nar anon. Now to find one in my area. My heart is breaking. My son is out and high and drinking and driving. There really is nothing I can do. I prayed. It doesn't seem to relieve the weight in my heart. Your response is one of the most articulate posts I've read. Though we may never meet, I feel very grateful. Mamabear __________________ Mamabear

07-19-2003, 04:47 AM	#3 (permalink)
BlueJay Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Home Posts: 15	Dear Mamabear, Dear Mamabear, Your post made me cry: the first time I've done that in ages; although some of the responses to my post have made me feel so utterly humbled: human again. Mamabear, trust me: although I am new HERE, I am not new to co-dependence or AlAnon/NarAnon. You've come to the right place. I was also heartened to read that you pray: this is a BIG part of my life as well. My prayers are with YOU, Mamabear: remember the first rule of survival in flight (I think it's apt here): The mother must grab the oxygen mask for HERSELF in order to help ANYONE else. And if that's all that comes of it, at least we, and God, will know we did our best. God bless you and your son: And there IS something YOU CAN DO: you're doing it by being here! May God bless you with Peace in your life, Mamabear. I'm learning to cry again, myself. And Thank You for reminding me to pray. So glad you shared; your post touched me very deeply and I pray I'll see you here again. Blessings. BlueJay

07-20-2003, 06:03 AM	#4 (permalink)
Mamabear Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: phila, pa Posts: 231	Dear Bluejay, This is all very new to me; however, I have known people who have invested in alanon/naranon and somehow they make it through. They each have a sense of peace and integrity. Although I don't know exactly how it works, I recognize that it does work. So right now all I'm doing is opening myself to this process and the Spirit. That's about all I can handle right now. Thanks for the support. I wish you the same. I noticed on your profile that you are newly separated. Good luck with that. Be strong and take your time in making decisions. I like to read, too. Here are a couple of books with strong female voices that might be inspirational and fun to read: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd and Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel. best wishes, mb __________________ Mamabear

07-20-2003, 06:09 AM	#5 (permalink)
Mamabear Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: phila, pa Posts: 231	Dear Margo, I did it. I went to my first meeting - it was an alanon meeting for parents of addicts. It was a mix of people whose honesty resonated with me. And I want to thank you. It was your post that encouraged me to go. I know it's no magic bullet. I've made a commitment to try this for at least 3 weeks (2 mtgs a week) and then see if it has helped in any way. What I discovered about myself is that I have never felt such pain and loss. So have many others. I have been given models to follow........others who are making it through this and coping. I can learn. God is good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Mama bear __________________ Mamabear

08-18-2003, 11:37 AM	#6 (permalink)
Hangin' In Southern through and through Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In.....trouble :-) Posts: 1,453	Mama, I encourage you to stick with your Al Anon meetings. I know my involvement in them has literally saved my sanity. Even though my heart breaks over my daughter's addiction, there is NO way I could have made it this far without the help and teaching of Al Anon. The people there truly care and want my life to be better. Hang in there, Mama. Peace is on the way....or at least some peace which is better than soothing a broken heart everyday. How well I know how you are feeling. Hugs, Hangin' In __________________ The main difference between me and my Higher Power is that my Higher Power doesn't get confused and think He's me.

08-19-2003, 06:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
JACKIEM Paused Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: mIAMI, fl Posts: 1	D

10-09-2004, 02:20 PM	#8 (permalink)
rainybunrs Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: hawthorne florida Posts: 5	my first look at this Dear Mama Bear, I too was touched by what Margo wrote. (Thanks Margo, your letter was the very first I have read) and I have been to one meeting so far. I am also a mama bear so I know what you are feeling. What could be harder than watching your kids suffer. But more immediate to me now is the fact that I am also a gramma bear. My 17, 15 and 7 year old grandchildren are suffering more than I am over their mothers addictions. If there is anyone out there who is in this situation, any advice at all is very welcome. I am afraid I may end up raising the little one and I would be happy to do so, but I don't know how to accomplish it. My greatest fear is that my daughter will cut me off from him if I approach her. I need to know what the community resourses are and what my legal options are. I can accept the fact that I cannot help my daughter but what about the kids? HELP

10-09-2004, 08:06 PM	#9 (permalink)
Hangin' In Southern through and through Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In.....trouble :-) Posts: 1,453	Rainybunsrs, Welcome to SR. I just happened up your thread and thought I'd mention that you might want to start a new thread and post your question in it. I'm afraid your post might get lost since it's tack on the end of thread. I want you to get the attention and words of wisdom that you are looking for, thus my recommendation for starting a new thread with your questions. In th meantime, take time to read the sticky posts at the top of this forum. There is great information in those posts. Hang in there. You're doing the right thing by wanting the grandchildren protected. Hugs, Hangin' In __________________ The main difference between me and my Higher Power is that my Higher Power doesn't get confused and think He's me.

10-10-2004, 03:09 AM	#10 (permalink)
Hopefloats Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: With Good Spirit Posts: 378	Thanks Margo,....and to everyone here. Al-anon or nar-anon is the place that we need...for our love, our support, and for our hearts and souls to mend. Without my recovery I could not have survived my daughter's addiction. I am stronger for others around me....but most of all, I am stronger than ever for ME...and God knows there was a day I did NOT think I could put one foot in front of the other anymore.... God Bless you all.... HOPE2055

10-12-2004, 06:17 AM	#11 (permalink)
rainybunrs Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: hawthorne florida Posts: 5	Dear Hanging in, I can't figure out how to do this. Can you help me? How do I start a new thread? I can't find the sticky posts you are talking about. Is there a site map somewhere I have missed?

10-12-2004, 06:27 AM	#12 (permalink)
Hangin' In Southern through and through Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In.....trouble :-) Posts: 1,453	Rainy, Ok, when you first get on this site and you are on the Nar Anon Board where all the different posts are listed, there is a button up in the left hand corner that says, "New Thread". Click on that and you'll be given a clean screen where you can type your comments. At the bottom of that screen you'll have to hit "send message" (or something like that) for your message to be put on the board. Also, on the Nar Anon page where all the different posts are listed are "Sticky" posts. They are at the very top of that page and they say "sticky". They all have very good information in them and are a good source so read them. If you need anymore help, you can click on my name and you can choose to send me a private message. I'll keep a lookout for you. Hugs, Hangin' In __________________ The main difference between me and my Higher Power is that my Higher Power doesn't get confused and think He's me.

05-16-2005, 09:31 AM	#13 (permalink)
shaparak Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: tehran Posts: 1	please some body tell me that : what is the main reason`s separate of al-anon and nar-anon it is so important for me my e-mail is : shaparake_to@yahoo.com please send it thanks alot

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)