12-Step Guide for Codependents

[Ann]

Beginning at Step 1, this is a vey good outline of what each step means and is from Melody Beattie's Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps.

At the end of each step, is a link to click on to go to the next step.

I hope you find it as helpful as I did.

http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/steps1.html

[marcie]

It is so good to know that all the things I am feeling someone else has already felt them and put into words. I am trying very hard to to understand that the addict sometimes can't help what he does no matter how much he knows it will hurt the loved one.

[GratefulGirl]

i am just starting with all of the nar-anon stuff - i cant seem to find an actual meeting here in memphis so i am trying to do it myself. i read your post and went to the website about the 12 steps and was really inspired by the 1st step. but....what now? how do i start giving up control? do you have any suggestions on "homework" to help with the 1st step?

thanks a lot.

[hovis]

This is bril thanks so much!!
I am learning all the time, going to 1st alanon mtg tomorrow. Can't find a naranon mtg yet.

[Ann]

KFarrarr, if you call NA they can probably tell you where to get a meeting list for Naranon in your area. Going to meetings and finding a sponsor to help you work through the steps, may be one of the best gifts you ever give yourself.

Hugs
Ann

[tryintohelp]

Hi KFarrar. Welcome to Sober Recovery!! Here is a link for Naranon meetings. I hope you can find one. If not, you can try Alanon. Also posting some homework for Step One.

http://nar-anon.org/texas.htm

1. Describe the circumstances that brought you to the Naranon program.


2. List your expectations when you attended your first Naranon meeting.


3. Now list the changes you are seeking today. Review this exercise from time to time to discover the healthy changes you are making in recovery.


4. List the ways you have attempted to change another person or influence another's lifestyle.


5. Go over the following list, noting whether you did any of these things (or others). What were the results of your attempts to change someone else? Save your answers and review them occasionally to see if you are still caught in a power struggle.

lecturing
nagging
scolding
waking someone up for school or work
paying off debts
making excuses for behavior
lending money
denying money
threatening
pleading
rewarding
showing anger
using passive aggression
grounding
providing attorneys
bailing out of jail

6. Record the things you have done or are now doing to support your denial that a problem existed or still exists. Review this exercise periodically.




7. Describe a specific instance when you attempted to control someone else's addictive behavior or the behavior resulting from such abuse. Write about the net results and the repercussions of this attempt. Then look at yourself: your motivations and your responsibilities. This exercise will tell you a little about yourself and a lot about your powerlessness when you try to control another person's life.






8. Can you now admit that you are powerless over drugs and other people's lives? How did this become a reality for you?



9. Describe what letting go means to you. Review this exercise from time to time.



10. Describe the things in your life that were once unmanageable.



11. Describe the things in your life that are presently unmanageable.



12. Which of these pertain to you and which concern someone else?



13. Can you now admit that your own life has become unmanageable? How did this become a reality to you?



14. How are you applying the principles of Step One at this time? You might gain some insight by answering the following questions.


a. How often do you read and reflect on Step One?


b. Does your powerlessness over another still disturb you? Why?


c. How can you be powerless over another and still care?


d. How does this step relate to our responsibility to yourself and others?


e. Does this step mean complete rejection of your loved one(s)?


f. In what ways has the awareness of your own life's unmanageability changed your perspective?

[GratefulGirl]

thanks for the info everyone! i bought the book codependent no more by melody beattie and am doing the activities in it while i search for a meeting in my area. so far it it really helping a lot. for wives/girlfriends - when things start going well, do you find that you almost search for something to be wrong? things are going great right now with my addict but all of a sudden i feel like he is cheating on me or something - even though he has done nothing to make me think that way. just curious if other women have felt this...its frustrating because i finally am feeling a little better about all the drug stuff and now i am worried about other women!! i am so ready for this to stop!

[Redbirdie]

I am in a womens bible study. My Pastor wife said we dont have to love our husbands but we do have to respect them. I looked up the word respect. One defination is NOT interfering with what one is doing. The way your speak to one.Supporting their ideas...I fail at all of these. I am tired of being afraid to leave the house or my husband because he will use.One of HIs suppliers is right across the street. I have set down some boundries No using around me or my house or my kids. He knows I will throw him out if he does not come home or if he disapears ..So he waits till I go somewhere. It is some sick game and I am tired.My Daughter has been through a real trama She needs both of us now more than ever. I just don't have the room in my mind for anymore of this.My daughter and I am going to counseling and I have had to face the fact that I have unhealthy emotinal boundries.Well I am glad that I am doing the womans group at church. It is going over not resonding to our husband actions verbaly. We are learning to take it to God. I married him because he was my best friend. That is gone now..How do you let one drown...

[RBC1074]

Thanks for posting the homework for step 1 I really am starting to get it and that knot that was in my gut for so long is starting to come undone.I know I still have a long way to go and all. Seeing I too am haveing a problem finding a Naranon meeting where I live I could use all the books and information I can get my hands on. I have learned one big step so far and that I am not the problem or the cause of my husbands addiction.