Looking for feedback

[Ameliorater]

Good morning, afternoon, or evening which ever it happens to be at the time someone reads this message. I’m glad I’ve found this venue to say something.
Well before I say anything else let me start out by saying that I take complete responsibility for my current situation. I’ve been in the wound full would of recovery for over 15 years.
I don’t go to as many meetings as I used to in earlier times but that is because I got clean in San Francisco and I’ve now moved to a tiny town in Pennsylvania. I mean I live down the block form the stoplight. To add to the mix I’m the second black person in town. My wife pointed out the other guy to me he’s so light if he wasn’t form here, he could pass for white. I met a woman on the Internet and here I am.
I used to go to NA, OA, and CODA. Here in Pa meetings are very different. For one thing, they still have smoking. Most people here smoke. So I’ve found myself going to AA meetings. That’s the only meeting available to me here. There is one OA meeting but the leader gives advice to people during the meeting and tells them ways to work on their willpower. As well as criticizing them on the their recovery.
I miss going to meetings sometimes but my wife knows most everyone in town and everything I say gets back to not only her but me. Being one of the only two black people in town I can’t hide to easily. And often people in the meetings tell her family that they’ve seen me at meetings. I don’t know if they tell what’s been said but her family members have told me about people they know who tell them they’ve seem me at meetings. It doesn’t feel safe to talk any more.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing this is “our” kids. A boy 17 and a girl 14. We’ve been married for almost 3 years now. So when I say our I really mean hers. Since moving here one thing I’ve found out about my wife is that, she can’t set rules and stick to them. I’ve found that all three of them have temper tantrums (My wife included). They yell at each other, call names, slam doors, punch walls, (That’s usually the boy) curse, a lot of cursing. Generally, they have almost no impulse control. We’ve recently taken the boy to his first rehab. As he put it, he went for his mother but he has no intention of stopping doing meth or drinking. He chose to leave after one week and on the way home at one of the stops he bought a souvenir shot glass. He literally hasn’t made more then one five-day week in school since September, now it’s the end of January.
The girl is as sweet as she can be unless you tell her to do something she doesn’t want to. Now of curse the only things she likes to do is go to chat room or go out with her friends. She was suspended from school last Thursday, Friday, and Monday. She went Tuesday cut a class Wednesday got suspended for Thursday and Friday. We go through the usual, Your not my father stuff, and your not the boss of me stuff.
My problem is I still love my wife. Though I must admit that if something happened and one of both of the kids fell off the face of the earth today I wouldn’t loose a nights sleep.

[GuyBlakeKett]

Sounds like a steady diet of Alanon or Naranon meetings would be a good idea, my friend. You know from your own experience that nobody is going to stop doing drugs or drinking if they don't want to. Alanon and Naranon will give you the support and guidance you need to deal with the family stuff you've described here. You might want to post on the Naranon and Alanon forums in this site, too.

best - and pulling for you -

Guy