are new relationships too risky?

[rankinsoul]

Dear Dr. Sichel,
I have recently become romantically involved with a drug addict who stopped using substances approximately 6 weeks ago; he also quit smoking cigarettes. I am wondering what the general recommendations are for recovering addicts with regard to initiating new initmate relationships.

Thank you for your advise,
rankinsoul

[CarolD]

Mark is on a holiday break.

I suggest you ask in the forum...Nar a lon.

Welcome to SR!

[MarkSichelCSW]

People involved in early recovery are generally advised not to get into intimate relationships for a year. I think you need to be aware that a recovering drug addict of six weeks is very fragile and needs time to rebuild their life and strength before they can really committ to another human being.

[sarahlynnl]

Would that apply to what my ex h addict did by getting into a relationship a week after the divorce was finalized? Also first blind date he went on in almost 18 yrs.

[MarkSichelCSW]

Your ex husband addict is most likely substituting a relationship for you and for drugs with this new one.

[sarahlynnl]

Thanks that is what I thought too!

[kat25]

I was hoping you could offer some advice. My mum's husband (my step-father) was alcoholic for many years, but over the past couple of years has become sober through attending AA meetings. While this is great, as soon as he became fully sober (Feb of last year) he started a relationship with another woman. This carried on all through the rest of the year, mostly via e-mail. He did "try" to end it several times, but always started up again. He has recently left to live with her. Everyone who knows his situation (including non-family, unbiased friends, his own father and sisters etc.) can see that he is making a big mistake, and is of the opinion that he has just replaced his alcohol addiction with an addiction to his new woman. Is there any way we can get him to see this? He has not only ruined his marriage, but also rleationships with his own family, and children. He has never had any psychiatric therapy to deal with the causes of his original addiction.

Please help. I am afraid he will only realise what he has done when it is too late to re-buil the marriage.

[MarkSichelCSW]

I wish I could be more hopeful, but when one person leaves a relationship to live with someone else, There.s a very slim chance he'll hear anything you say and reconcile with your mother.

I'd suggest some Al Anon meetings for you and your mother.....it would be very helpful in getting through this difficult time.