boyfriend occasionaly uses cocaine

[Tigerlily05]

Hi,

I am 29 years old, work and am a student. I experimented with all drugs through high school and occasionaly for years after. I have not done any drugs in years. I am over it. I have moved on with that being part of my lifestyle. On the other hand my boyfriend whom I live with and plan to marry is 30. Works and has a child who does not live with us. He used drugs in the same fashion as I did but he has not stopped his occasional use. I would guess that he uses cocaine 1 night weekly maybe skipping a week sometimes or maybe 2 nights weekly sometimes. Depending on when our friends are out drinking. He only likes to do it when he drinks. He does lie to me about it which he admits to because he knows I dont like it. He often will stay out over night at our friends house overnight which is where they do it at. He used a lot more often in the past and his drinking was over the top and sad. All of this has greatly improved over the past couple of years which leaves me hopeful. I hate that he uses cocaine and need him to stop completely. Lets just say I am not afraid of addiction with. Which I know I should be. But I truly believe that this only occasional use will continue. He says when he is sober he doesnt even like how it makes him feel anymore but when he drinks I know that he will always do it. I ask him everytime when he goes out whether he has done it or not. This has worn on me and I am tired of it.
Any suggestions.
P.s. I have emailed before about a year and a half ago things have improved since then due to him trying and because when moved away from the convinience of a partying lifestyle. More surburban family thing I am trying to do. However he did not come home last night and admitted to doing coke.

[MarkSichelCSW]

You really need to go to Narcot Anon or AlAnon to get more support about how to deal with this. I don't think its good for you to tolerate his not coming home and partying all night. I think you need to give him an ultimatum: its you or the drugs but I also think you may not be ready to do that which is why I suggest a 12 step support program for help.