Alcoholism, Depression, and Shoplifting

[AnnieUnix]

Mark, I have 9 years of AA-recovery, 8 weeks from buliminia. Some bad things happened - suicide of someone close, cancer, loss of SO. Doc changed my depression meds from Effexor to a combination of Straterra and Cymbalta. I thought I was dealing with it well. 2 weeks ago I was shopping and noticed in my purse my nail scissors. I took the tags off and stole a bunch of clothes that don't even fit. I got caught and charged with 2 felonies - nail scissors counts as burglary tool, value of junk was 320. I have a security clearance. I told work, and they say they are supportive but every day I fear I will be escorted out of the building. I am in therapy now with their shrink and will see a pscyh next week about meds. I will arrange a plea with my lawyer since I'm guilty, no prior offenses in my 43 years of life. I'm going to have to kill myself if they stick with the felony charges because I will no longer be able to work and i'll be destroyed. I've no family. I'm scared to death all the time and ashamed and don't know how I can make it to the plea date in late November. I have a good attorney but he says everything is chance, who the prosecutor is, etc. I want to die and I can't believe the depth of self hate and shame i feel. It felt like when I used to puke, the sense of urgency, the insistence on doing it although I knew the risk - and I would have done it again if I han't been caught, I know it. please help me i can't believe i did this and i'm so scared -

[MarkSichelCSW]

This feels catastrophic to you and the idea of losing your job is catastrophic. But you have years of good recovery and the 8 weeks in recovery from bulimia has created problems that need to be addressed in recovery ....between that and the meds changed, you made a mistake. There's no reason given your working with the employer therapist and reevaluating meds that a court would not convict you of a felony. I'm not a lawyer but when someone is truthful and sincere and clearly the shoplifting is a psychiatric issue rather than a symptom of life long criminal behavior, these kinds of charges can be dismissed with a conditon of ongoing counseling.

I've seen other people react to trauma with this symptom...other honest hard working people who out of the blue dissociate and do something that would not fit in with their character or be consistent with who they are as a person. One particularly moving situation I encountered with a survivor of the World Trade Center terrorist attacks who was profoundly traumatized and physically injured and after some time in recovery (OA) she began shoplifting although she was certainly not a thier.

Keep being honest as that is your best defense and keep working with your shrink & lawyer & going to meetings and I think you will be fine, although clearly you're very frightened about what you did. That fear is good because it will stop you from doing it again.

I can't imagine someone with your history being convicted on this charge but nonetheless my prayers are with you and I'm very hopeful given your honesty & sincerity.

[AnnieUnix]

Thank you, Mark. Since my last message I have been diagnosed as bi-polar. I had always had 'creative periods' where I could do lots of stuff, not need much sleep, etc. I never thought of these periods as problems - they were times when I could get a lot done and I appreciated them. I only thought depression was an issue. But this year menopause began, I changed my meds, and everything has gotten so intense and extreme. My therapist says that this sort of werid behavior can be caused by this illness, and once I am treated, I will feel better than I have ever felt. She agrees with you, that I will come through this without jail or a felony.

One good thing - I had applied for a job in Iraq, and gotten it. But I ended up turning it down because of my parent's health. I am SO glad I didn't go to Iraq! I wouldn't have done this horrible thing, but, something else may have happened, and it may have cost someone's life. Imagine being misdiagnosed and bi-polar in a war zone. Not good.

I'm still very scared, and dealing with a lot of shame and confusion, but not as much as I was. I know in my heart I would have done this until I got caught, I think if much more time had passed it would have been worse! I even threw away some of the things I successfully stole - totally insane.

I wanted to kill myself last week over this. My job is my life. I am so glad I didn't.