I don't know how to help my sister

[writes4me]

Hi all,

My sister, Cindy (not her real name) is 39 and has been clean and sober for nearly 8 years. She went through rehab, got off drugs and alcohol, out of an abusive marriage, went to college and got a B.S. in Criminal Justice. That's the good news.

The bad news is, she graduated 2 yrs ago and has tried and tried to find work. She lived with our mother for 1 yr. then found a job in a larger city in Georgia. She works as a desk clerk at a chain hotel. The job offers no benefits and the pay puts her well below the poverty line. She lives in an old mobile home she bought for 2,000 and is driving a used car that she has nursed for years.

Today she had a poligraph for a law enforcement job. When asked had she ever sold drugs Cindy answered truthfully, "yes" (something I had told her to do, tell the truth). They ended the interview there and told her that she was unacceptable as an applicant. On the way home her car broke down on the side of the road. The car is d.o.a.

So very, very many jobs she applied for had the same reaction. She had a problem and there is no accounting for years of clean living.

She is so very upset and I can't blame her. I'm worried about her. She lives in Georgia and I've begged her for months to come to Texas and try to get work here, where her past may not follow so closely. She has a 19yr old daughter who is a wreck. She won't leave the daughter for fear of what the daughter will do next. But this kid will do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, that's been proven over and over.

Cindy's last words to me today were, "I'm so tired of being poor. It doesn't look like I'll ever get ahead. My past keeps coming back to haunt me. I feel like giving up...I don't want to talk anymore. I'll call you back later."

So many years cleaned and she can't catch a break. Are there laws to help her? Is there concrete advice I can give that will help her? So much of what she has gone through seems like discrimination to me.

I'm heartsick for her. My husband and I have opened our house to her if she will come her and try something different. So far no luck. She won't leave and nothing is getting better.

Thanks for any advice I can give her that will be of concrete help to her. I refuse to give her any more platitudes, they hurt just saying them.

[GuyBlakeKett]

dear writes4me -

The organization "EPRA" is a terrific aid to recovering alcoholics in the New York Area - helping to train them & get them jobs. I don't know from a quick online search if they are a nationwide program but I'm sure if you contacted them they'd have good ideas about how your sister might proceed in her area of the country. Check them out here:

http://www.eprany.org/about.htm

and contact them with a query, okay? Maybe spend the money on a phone call to get things rolling.

Good luck to you and your sister. something will come up. Tell her to stay very close to meetings and to her sponsor - that will offer a lot of help in the meantime...

best,
Guy