Can't seem to find any joy in his sobriety - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

marriedtoit · 08-24-2005, 12:17 PM

My AH has been clean and sober for one year and you would think that I would be excited but instead of finding joy in his sobriety I'm nothing but depressed and lonely. I had to have my AH committed because he had become a danger to himself and others and I think because he didn't find recovery on his own that he's not serious about it. And as much as I'd love to support him, I can't find it in my heart to do so. He's been clean before (once as long as 3 years) but he always went back to his drinking and drugging ways. I'm beginning to think I may not be able to get past this. This man has hurt me deeply over the years and I just do not want to invest any more of myself into a relationship that may not last. (I have made up my mind that I will file for a divorce at the first indication that he is using again.) He hasn't given me any reason to doubt him (yet) and I know I'm probably hindering his recovery but I really can't get excited over the fact that he's clean. Please help me. I really do want to help him. I just don't know how when I'm so worried I'll get hurt in the process.

splendra · 08-24-2005, 12:45 PM

What might work for you is if you get into your own recovery and keep the focus on yourself rather than on what he is doing....

doorknob · 08-24-2005, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Ask the Experts
Please do not reply to posts until after the moderator has had a chance to respond.

Doesn't anybody read this? LOL

Doorknob

Hopefloats · 08-26-2005, 09:31 AM

doorknob, Mark answered that question. He said for others to PLEASE Feel free to reply before he did. I was once very confused about that, because some would say no, and then do it...and others would do or not do it.

It is okay according to Mark, to reply now before he does..
Hope

MarkSichelCSW · 08-30-2005, 07:42 AM

I actually don't know who wrote "Please do not reply to posts until after the moderator has had a chance to respond," but that's not my policy.

I agree with Splendra. Keep the focus on you, MarriedToIt and get into Al Anon and work that program so you can know what to do and feel comfortable and supported doing it.

08-24-2005, 12:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
marriedtoit Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Troy, MI Posts: 30	Can't seem to find any joy in his sobriety My AH has been clean and sober for one year and you would think that I would be excited but instead of finding joy in his sobriety I'm nothing but depressed and lonely. I had to have my AH committed because he had become a danger to himself and others and I think because he didn't find recovery on his own that he's not serious about it. And as much as I'd love to support him, I can't find it in my heart to do so. He's been clean before (once as long as 3 years) but he always went back to his drinking and drugging ways. I'm beginning to think I may not be able to get past this. This man has hurt me deeply over the years and I just do not want to invest any more of myself into a relationship that may not last. (I have made up my mind that I will file for a divorce at the first indication that he is using again.) He hasn't given me any reason to doubt him (yet) and I know I'm probably hindering his recovery but I really can't get excited over the fact that he's clean. Please help me. I really do want to help him. I just don't know how when I'm so worried I'll get hurt in the process.

08-24-2005, 12:45 PM	#2 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 4,774 Blog Entries: 3	What might work for you is if you get into your own recovery and keep the focus on yourself rather than on what he is doing.... __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

08-30-2005, 07:42 AM	#5 (permalink)
MarkSichelCSW Addiction Expert Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: NY,NY Posts: 566	I actually don't know who wrote "Please do not reply to posts until after the moderator has had a chance to respond," but that's not my policy. I agree with Splendra. Keep the focus on you, MarriedToIt and get into Al Anon and work that program so you can know what to do and feel comfortable and supported doing it. __________________ Mark Sichel, LCSW www.marksichel.com www.psybersquare.com

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08-26-2005, 09:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
Hopefloats Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: With Good Spirit Posts: 395	doorknob, Mark answered that question. He said for others to PLEASE Feel free to reply before he did. I was once very confused about that, because some would say no, and then do it...and others would do or not do it. It is okay according to Mark, to reply now before he does.. Hope

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