what happened to me?

[bluerskies]

Okay..this is a little confusing but here goes. I was that typical codependent -- appeared perfect to everyone, but was hiding the fact that my addict boyfriend was either relapsing, MIA, in rehab or in jail. As his addiction escalated so did my apparent success. I moved to NY city & got my masters..graduated and then BOOM. He's even worse, going to jail, threatening suicide and trying to manipulate me into moving in with him.

So after months of barely pulling myself through all of this, I gave up. I packed my bags, left NY moved home and have now been sitting around for a year. Okay not quite so bad...I was on my way to hitting my own bottom with him (things were really scary for awhile--to the point where there were nights that I would just curl up in a ball and cry). I have been working, but way under my level and I seem to have lost all ambition. My ex and I are now broken up which is good. I'm not depressed I just don't feel like I care anymore. Everything I thought was important no longer seems important. (I define success differently) This would all be fine, but I don't feel like I am moving forward...and I trace it all back to the day that I gave up what I wanted because I was too weak to deal with it anymore. Okay so sorry for the long story, but my question is how do I get myself moving again. It seems that this terrible drama has made me immune to the things that used to motivate me, but I'm not proud of myself and I'm feeling a little lost right now. Any suggestions (and what is WRONG with me)?

[MarkSichelCSW]

Wow...you shouldn't have such difficulty getting back to where you were. I'd strongly recommend some therapy...I don't think you need a long time of therapy to get back into the ball game. Also...AL ANON, CODA, ACOA....any self help program that helps people who love addicts. Make those two moves...you'll be fine!!