Am I doing the right thing?

[meli2005]

My AH just got kicked out of outpatient rehab (he drank 3 times in a 4 week period). He left inpatient rehab twice prior in a two week period. He keeps saying he wants to get better, but then when the going gets tough, he drinks.

He recently just had his 3rd car accident as teh result of his drinking in a year. He got a DUI during one of those ocassions.

Anyway, now he is living alone, I told him not to come back home after he left rehab the 2nd time, I just could not tolerate seeing him drinking again and the behaviour.

I am so hurt by this last incident, he probably will lose his job. I am seriously considering divorce. I have a one year old son to think about as well.

Is it normal to go back/forth when thinking about divorce? I have found myself also wondering lately that even if he got better, would we be able to function as a couple together after so much hurt, etc.

I also wonder what it is going to take for him to get sober and quit all these relapses. I am tired of living w/the insanity of it all.

[Yoguina]

hey Mel,if he says that he wants to get better, then guide him and Help him get the
right professional help.... he needs to go into a program long term in order to detoxify him of this liquor..give him an ultimatum, tell him that you are considering getting a divorce because you are worried that your baby will pick up on it at some time and that you need to give your son a better life and he, the Dad needs to be a sober Dad in order to fulfill his child's life and his and yours as well. This site has many many people with your same situation that give good advice. I had an alcoholic Dad and this created a divorce for sure. I remember him being a great Dad and provider but I didn't have him in my teen years, the most crucial years. Living without a Dad can be done as long as you give your child the love and stability and good example which he will follow and needs. Your husband doesn't realize that alcohol will eventually kill him. Please try to get some help for him and hope and pray that he gives it up. Good luck, God Bless you all!!!

[jordan1980]

Hi Meli,

I know how you feel. I don't know if it is normal to go back and forth contimplating divorce...but I do it!!! Lately.... it seems like I do this every other day. My AH is recovering,1 1/ 2 years sober now. We have 2 sons, 4 and 2. My hubby quit when my youngest was like 4 months old. Having a child and dealing with an active A is so frustrating....it was HE**.

I can't really give you any advice as I am still pretty new to all of this..I am still not even in Al-anon. But I just wanted to let you know that you a certainly not alone. Even though my AH is in recovery, I am still dealing with all of the hurt and pain that stems from Alcohol Addiction. As I am learning now, the insanity does not stop when the A stops drinking. At least it hasen't stopped yet with my RAH.

(((((Meli))))))
You and yours are in my prayers

[MarkSichelCSW]

Meli...you really could benefit from an ongoing support group like Al Anon. At this point your husband hasn't demonstrated anything other than contempt and disregard and interest in continuing his addiction. I think its normal to go back & forth contemplating divorce and I think your primary goal has to be the safety and well being of you and your child.

[meli2005]

Thank you for your advice. I think right now I am just not ready to make a decision about things, I need some more time to think/ponder.