Family needs therapy

[frustrated sis]

I posted this elsewhere, then found the doc's board.... long post - more than one combined....

This weekend [May 14] we found out that my youngest sister, who is 24 [I'm the oldest of 6 kids], has been taking drugs [meth, coke, pills that we know of] since at least March; I'll call her 'Tharon'.

Tharon's been abusing pot and alcohol for much longer than that.

Tharon almost missed her college graduation this weekend and one of her friends [her only good friend as far as i'm concerned] told us about the drugs.

Mom and Dad drove to her town and brought her home, another sister 'Sue' and I went back and picked up her stuff.

Tharon's in complete denial about the drugs, but will admit to the alcohol. However, she's refusing to go into treatment for the alcohol [we were hoping to get to the drug use through that route]. She's also refusing any counseling, even though the entire family needs it [actually, I'm the only one who seems to think the family needs therapy, even though we ALL have un-resolved issues from our childhood].

The problem I'm having is that after 4 days, mom and dad are talking about letting her get a job, having access to her car, phone, etc. I think it's way too soon for that since she's still denying anything. They're letting her mope about the house not doing anything [except disrupting our lives].

Tharon is a master at lying and manipulating. She's been doing it since she was 5 years old [I'm 15 years older than her]. She's NEVER taken responsiblity for her actions or for the fact that what she does affects the rest of the family. Just one more reason our family needs the counseling. 'Sue' and I have had to change plans many, many times so that we could come home and 'deal with Tharon'.

'Sue' and I are angry, we see that 'Tharon' is starting her manipulation phase and is seems like Mom and dad are falling for it yet again.

I'm at a loss. This family needs serious counseling, if nothing else, just for the past baggage we've never delt with before. I've told mom that I'm not going to socialize or be home much until the family gets into counseling. I refuse to help Tharon manipulate the family. 'Sue' and our younger brother, who is also at home, all see what 'Tharon' is doing and no one wants to be around her. Mom and dad think we need to treat 'Tharon' as normally as possible. I just disagree!


Another problem here is that my dad is a cop; has been for 24 years. he doesn't think she's 'physically' addicted because she's not showing the classic signs [i, however, think there's more to withdrawl than what the movies show].

He also doesn't think we need to hide the valuables - so he leaves his keys and wallet where he normally does [the rest of us are still hiding keys and money].

The person who told us about her drug use mentioned that it was a 'once a week' thing for her, with alcohol everyday. So our parents aren't thinking it's as serious as I could have been.

I just completely disagree with the way they are handling the situation.

I'm going to try and find a Nar-anon or Al-anon meeting [I know the alanon meetings are close by].

Mom and dad are just walking around and acting like nothing really happened and it's so frustrating!


Is there anyway to get everyone to realize we need outside, objective help? I tried a 'family meeting,' it didn't go well, ended like all the other ones we've tried, yelling, insults and people storming off to slam doors.


a side note as to why I'm home at this age: I started my own business and moved from a miserable town - mom and dad offered to let me stay here while the business gets moving. I am paying my own bills currently. Just not enough coming in yet for housing. I'd been home for 3 months when this happened. 'Sue' just moved down for the summer between finishing college class hours and her internship at another college. The younger brother is 15 and actually quite mature for his age - called a team-mate's parents and informed them he using and dealing...


Thanks in advance for any help or advice!!!

[MarkSichelCSW]

I think your idea of finding a Nar Anon or Al Anon meeting is the correct one. That's really all you can do right now; get help & support for yourself. Your parents lack of responsiveness to this problem and your sisters denial is all out of your control. Stop trying to "fix" all the family. You certainly mean well but you can't and won't succeed.

But you can succeed in helping yourself in Nar Anon or AlAnon. And you deserve that.