Depression, crazy mood swings and old memories

[Sarah0404]

I had just posted this in the Mental Health forum, but I wanted to post it here as well to see what you have to say, if that's alright.

I've had depression for years, but it has been getting worse... and I don't know what to do anymore. I hate meds... I can't be on them. I can't handle the side effects... and they don't really benefit me anyway. And I just don't know what's wrong with me. My moods are all over the place. When I finally do feel good about something, I get so terrified. I'm so scared to let myself feel good, 'cause I know that if I feel good, then the next day, I'll be feeling unbelievably horrible. I can't control it. I don't think I can put up with this anymore, but not sure what I can do. I have access to help right now, but I'm moving to a place where I won't be able to get any help or support.... so I don't know what I'm going to do.

And another thing, even though I haven't been using any drugs for months, I'm still haunted by the memories of it. I can't stop thinking about all the horrible stuff that happened during that time... and it makes me feel suicidal. I wish the memories would go away... but they don't, no matter how much I try to push them away.

I wish I could talk to someone online... for support and advice.

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by Sarah0404

I hate meds... I can't be on them. I can't handle the side effects... and they don't really benefit me anyway.

I wish I could talk to someone online... for support and advice.

((((Sarah)))),
You can talk to me. Feel free to send me a PM if you like. Although I can't give medical advice here, I am a pharmacist AND recovering addict and may be able to answer some questions for you. I would strongly encourage you to give medication another chance. There are lots of options these days and generally, side effects are manageable. It can take a long time to find the right regimen, but I have and I'm doing better than I have in DECADES!

Also, full-spectrum light can help, especially if your mood changes with the seasons or the weather. Full-spectrum lights. I go to a tanning bed, but that's not for everyone. Exercise helps me, too, particularly when it's outside. And of course it helps to sleep well and eat right, too. Believe me, Sarah, I've struggled with mood disorders most of my almost 38 years, and am FINALLY getting better.

Hang in there! I'm thinking about you.
Peace, love, and hugs, Eddie

[MarkSichelCSW]

I'd strongly recommend a 12 step recovery program such as Narcotics Anonymous & if you can arrange it, psychotherapy as well.

Recovery is difficult as is depression and if you're not going to take meds...which you have every right to decide....you've got to get as much support from others as possible.