Authenticity VI
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Hello Rob, Melissa and the gang.
I love it too that you two are building memories together. When I read about the isolated cabin my first reaction was: sign me up. Especially the no cell phone part. I have a love/hate relationship with mine, I call it my electronic leash. On one hand I d love to be able to ditch the thing for good, on another hand I suspect that I would probably feel lost.
Anyway, I just wanted to drop by and say hi.
I love it too that you two are building memories together. When I read about the isolated cabin my first reaction was: sign me up. Especially the no cell phone part. I have a love/hate relationship with mine, I call it my electronic leash. On one hand I d love to be able to ditch the thing for good, on another hand I suspect that I would probably feel lost.
Anyway, I just wanted to drop by and say hi.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Hi Carlotta 
I use my phone primarily for the alarm clock. Otherwise the ringer is off. & I'm text averse- I have a clamshell with the old 1-0 alphabet and some weird default mode that prompts words at me when I try to text -- like if I push the number 6 it gives me O, then On, Non, Moon, Common....
It's been a weird week business-wise. It's a scary sign when an officer of the federal government suggests that you should pray.
I use my phone primarily for the alarm clock. Otherwise the ringer is off. & I'm text averse- I have a clamshell with the old 1-0 alphabet and some weird default mode that prompts words at me when I try to text -- like if I push the number 6 it gives me O, then On, Non, Moon, Common....
It's been a weird week business-wise. It's a scary sign when an officer of the federal government suggests that you should pray.
What does that say about my post? Pray harder? Where's Lenina when you need her with the star report?
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Hey Guys. 
I'm thinking out loud here, okay? I'm wondering is it (sometimes) better to support another's understanding of whatever, even if that said understanding is not as "truthful" as a more complete understanding?
For example the relationship between student and teacher/mentor. And between parent and child. And between any figure of authority/expertise and relative audience.
You know, is it better to preserve a persons overall confidence, or is it better to examine that said confidence and whatever follows as consequences are secondary.
So I'm asking is it always growth we are working towards or isn't it also as important to preserve what already works, and so if its not broken why fix it?
What are you thoughts and ideas?
Thanks guys.
I'm thinking out loud here, okay? I'm wondering is it (sometimes) better to support another's understanding of whatever, even if that said understanding is not as "truthful" as a more complete understanding?
For example the relationship between student and teacher/mentor. And between parent and child. And between any figure of authority/expertise and relative audience.
You know, is it better to preserve a persons overall confidence, or is it better to examine that said confidence and whatever follows as consequences are secondary.
So I'm asking is it always growth we are working towards or isn't it also as important to preserve what already works, and so if its not broken why fix it?
What are you thoughts and ideas?
Thanks guys.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I think that would need to be a case by case basis Rob.
speaking for myself I'm always looking for growth...
but it may not always be appropriate to push for growth in dealing with others cos that's not my barrow to push for someone else.
or something like that
D
speaking for myself I'm always looking for growth...
but it may not always be appropriate to push for growth in dealing with others cos that's not my barrow to push for someone else.
or something like that
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I will be brief right now, Robby, because I don't have my usual mental capacity to discuss it the way I would want and usually like. This is something that have interested me intensely as well, mostly in the context of my work relationships, management, and how it's best to work with people in different scenarios relative to me. But of course also in personal relationships. Briefly, my own belief and strategy is that this is best to gauge individually, via interacting with the person and getting to know how they work (best). Always, always a big challenge but also interesting. Usually it's a unique form of compromise for me/us that develops over time and not easy to judge in a brand new relationship even though I do like to listen to my instincts.
On my end, again, personally... when it's about someone else asking me these questions about how it's best to relate to me and interact with me, what I usually like best is uncompromised directness presented in a polite, non-threatening and not overly self-righteous way, but with a critical mind and with as much observation and opinion as the person cares to share. I also like interpretations (both receiving and giving). Constructive criticism is what I like to call it. I much prefer if the person I am interacting with is open and willing to say pretty much everything and anything about their view, their perspective, how they see the world and me. And then open and willing to discuss it with me in a dialogue. Even when I sometimes have strong/emotional reactions. I will come back to it in a calmer frame of mind soon usually. But you know this about me I guess My problem sometimes is that I tend to take this directness (that I like to receive) for granted and I automatically communicate that way with others, without pausing and considering what I said above, about gauging the individual in front of me, including whatever momentary state they are in. These are mistakes I tend to make.
On my end, again, personally... when it's about someone else asking me these questions about how it's best to relate to me and interact with me, what I usually like best is uncompromised directness presented in a polite, non-threatening and not overly self-righteous way, but with a critical mind and with as much observation and opinion as the person cares to share. I also like interpretations (both receiving and giving). Constructive criticism is what I like to call it. I much prefer if the person I am interacting with is open and willing to say pretty much everything and anything about their view, their perspective, how they see the world and me. And then open and willing to discuss it with me in a dialogue. Even when I sometimes have strong/emotional reactions. I will come back to it in a calmer frame of mind soon usually. But you know this about me I guess
My problem sometimes is that I tend to take this directness (that I like to receive) for granted and I automatically communicate that way with others, without pausing and considering what I said above, about gauging the individual in front of me, including whatever momentary state they are in. These are mistakes I tend to make.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Honestly, my child/parent relationships haven't been the best. My parents tried hard but weren't the best at it. Not sure I can say that relationship was good for me.
Mentors have been hit or miss. Most had an agenda that benefited them.
If it ain't broken, you don't fix it. If you don't know if it's broken, well it probably is and needs fixin'.
Mentors have been hit or miss. Most had an agenda that benefited them.
If it ain't broken, you don't fix it. If you don't know if it's broken, well it probably is and needs fixin'.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Hi all.
I think it's important to be as truthful as you can be without making the person feel attacked. Once stated though I think it is up to the recipient to reject the idea or accept it. Making people defend a position, even if the are completely wrong, only digs them in deeper. I don't think you need to congratulate someone for a bad choice but you don't need to call them out on it either.
I think it's important to be as truthful as you can be without making the person feel attacked. Once stated though I think it is up to the recipient to reject the idea or accept it. Making people defend a position, even if the are completely wrong, only digs them in deeper. I don't think you need to congratulate someone for a bad choice but you don't need to call them out on it either.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot 
is it (sometimes) better to support another's understanding of whatever, even if that said understanding is not as "truthful" as a more complete understanding?
For example the relationship between student and teacher/mentor. And between parent and child.
For example the relationship between student and teacher/mentor. And between parent and child.
That aside, the dominant theory of the psychology of learning holds that learners don't receive understanding as much as they construct it in a social milieu. One of the consequences of this theory is that people can't learn what they're not ready to learn -- learning progresses in increments, and you can only reach the moon one step at a time.
The role of a person who's participating with a learner in knowledge development is to place themselves just one step above where the learner currently is, and beckon them on, with smiles and maybe nudges.
It's hard for the "teacher" who's cognitively far advanced to remember all the steps he/she took, and then of course not everyone's ladder is built exactly the same way
Very tricky. Especially with sensitive content, or when emotions are mixed in, very tricky.
(sorry to be lecture-y. the topic verges on my stomping grounds.)
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Originally Posted by dwtbd
Just throwing it out. May be on the fringe. But it could depend on how right I am, weighed against how right I need to be while making ding dang Sure I'm right. And not just right, right?
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