my obsessions ...need advice please...

[wastedtime4me]

Hi mark
I have been obsessing lately about my parents dying..mom is 67 ,dad is 69..My dad cant see real good anymore..he has macular degeneration..my mom had a heartattack 1 1/2 yrs ago.they still get out in the yard and do stuff but arent in very good health....I usually call them most everyday to check in and see how they are..There are times i will go for a week and not call at all..You see they arent real supportive ..quite selfish..i have an eating disorder..so i often struggle with the same 40 lbs or so..they know this..yet will make comments on how i better lay offf the ice cream and such..i know they dont know how to communicate with people and i cant expect them to give me what they dont have to give and so on....i have read so many books.i tell them how thats not very nce..i wouldnt say that t you..yet it continues.....with this knowledge it still hurts to be really concerened and call to check in...all i hear is about the neighbors and their kids and most times ..when i hang up if someone would ask one of them about me...they couldnt tell you much about my day or family..i work very hard to accept them,just the way they are...dont get me wrong here...they have helped me when i needed it before...i dont guess they are the worst parents of all time or anything..i have gone for a visit and left not feeling terrible but alot of the time i do ..more so than not...ok sorry this is so long..forgive my typing..i only have one good hand at the moment..i am constantly obsessing about one or both of them dying...i tell myself i couldnt forgive myself if something happened and i was going through what i call taking a break from them spells..yet when i call or visit not always but quite often i had bad feelings when i come home..so i repeat the cycle and stay away for a bit ..then i am constantly worrying about something happening to them and i wont be there to help..i am sorry if i am not making sense ..i am typing it the best i can explain it from my heart...could you please give me your take on why i obsess about this day after day..what steps could i take to change this behavior ..i am making myself crazy...thanks in advance

[MarkSichelCSW]

You obsess because you believe that you can prevent your parent's eventual death by thinking about it continually; it's an unconscious process...as if you are keeping the evil eye away by your thoughts. You also deal with your aggression and lack of supportiveness with this obsession. You might consider medication or counselling to help you. There's no easy blueprint for getting over obsessions, but if you want to, a day at a time, you will. Good luck.

[wastedtime4me]

thank you for taking the time to reply to my post...catch up..you certainly did..thanks again