Where do I go from here?

[Tasia]

My husband is a practicing alcoholic. We've been married 19 years. He's not living with me at this time. About two weeks ago I came home from a support meeting and he was drunk. To make a long story short, before the night was over I had locked myself in my daughter's room for our protection. He gets crazy sometimes. I heard him say "I'll show you bitch" and then it sounded as if he were loading and then cocking a pistol. I called the police. He was arrested. This was the most painful thing I have done to this man although I know it was his actions which caused the outcome. He has had 1 BWI and two DUIs. The first DUI resulted in a near fatal car wreck. He almost lost his life. He was comatose for 2 weeks and had to have his face reconstructed. And yet he still drinks. Years later the military sent him to rehab for 30 days. He came out and still drinks. Bottom line....I am afraid what is bottom might be. I just don't want it to be my life or my daughters. I am in counseling now, for myself. I haven't heard from him for two weeks. The judge ordered him to stay away. I hurt for him and I understand about enabling. I know I did it for years, I just wish I could stop blaming myself and accept the fact that this man may never been sober. I am just afraid to admit to myself that I cannot live with him. Please pray for me in that I am having trouble with the "let go and let God" part of my recovery.

God bless! All comments are welcome!

[talkstoself]

It sounds like a dangerous situation, I'm glad you're no longer in that environment! You've made some great moves so far. You've got to remember you're responsible for you (& your kids), take baby steps to challenge yourself to look after and care after YOU as much as you have him. Be good to yourself on a daily basis, stay active (& stay away from him, of course) and work on you.

You said you're afraid to admit that you can't live without him - MAYBE, you're afraid to admit that you CAN! Change is scary as hell, starting over stinks (I've done it several times myself), but you can do it. You're capable and you're strong. Give yourself a chance, you've given him enough, it's your turn now.

Good luck to you!