I may have been the last person to see my brother alive - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

raininginoregon · 07-02-2011, 12:09 PM

After dropping my brother off at his apartment last night, I realized that I am probably the last person who will see him alive. He is in end-stage alcoholism,
severe malnutrition with extreme loss of muscle mass and body fat, he has inflammation of the pancreas and damage to his brain and heart. He has all the symptoms of hepatic encephalopathy such as, lack of awareness, inverted sleep patterns, extreme irritability, tremors and disorientation.

My brother is in essence, a just an empty shell of biological matter, deteriorating day by day. Last night, after being refused entry into the detox center, (for showing up intoxicated) I was called after he was taken to ER. For the next five hours at ER, he was combative, aggressive and ended up ripping out his IV line, blood dripping down his arm and on the floor, he signed himself out.

We spoke no words as I drove him home, I pulled over on his corner, he got out and walked to his apartment without a backward glance. I sat there for a moment and came to the realization that my little brother whom I have been mourning over the past year, was truly, dead.

The brother that 30 years ago, was funny, bright, and with a tender loving heart is gone. My heart aches for those days that we had, the memories will be my comfort. My prayer now, is that God, show His mercy and if it be His will, let my brother rest.

recoverywfaith · 07-02-2011, 12:21 PM

I am so sorry you are experiencing the depths of this disease with your loved one...and pray for peace for your family.

newwings · 07-02-2011, 12:25 PM

I'm so very sorry, raining. Hugs to you for your strength and bravery. ((((( )))))

FindingPeace1 · 07-02-2011, 12:30 PM

Welcome.
What a sad post.
I am impressed at your ability to let go.
You are doing exactly what you should be doing.
It is not your fault that this happened.
We can't say why terrible things happen. We can just do our best to keep ourselves sane and at peace.
It sounds like you can love him, regardless of the choices he makes, while taking care of yourself.
We are here for you.
Keep posting

fp

LexieCat · 07-02-2011, 01:21 PM

It is INCREDIBLY sad and horrifying to see what this disease does to people.

I've seen what you've seen.

Hugs and prayers,

dollydo · 07-02-2011, 01:49 PM

I too, am sorry. This is one nasty disease.

vujade · 07-02-2011, 02:48 PM

It tears your heart to pieces seeing someone you love destroy themselves. Alcoholism is a horrible disease. I am so very sorry.

chicory · 07-02-2011, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raininginoregon

After dropping my brother off at his apartment last night, I realized that I am probably the last person who will see him alive. He is in end-stage alcoholism,
severe malnutrition with extreme loss of muscle mass and body fat, he has inflammation of the pancreas and damage to his brain and heart. He has all the symptoms of hepatic encephalopathy such as, lack of awareness, inverted sleep patterns, extreme irritability, tremors and disorientation.

My brother is in essence, a just an empty shell of biological matter, deteriorating day by day. Last night, after being refused entry into the detox center, (for showing up intoxicated) I was called after he was taken to ER. For the next five hours at ER, he was combative, aggressive and ended up ripping out his IV line, blood dripping down his arm and on the floor, he signed himself out.

We spoke no words as I drove him home, I pulled over on his corner, he got out and walked to his apartment without a backward glance. I sat there for a moment and came to the realization that my little brother whom I have been mourning over the past year, was truly, dead.

The brother that 30 years ago, was funny, bright, and with a tender loving heart is gone. My heart aches for those days that we had, the memories will be my comfort. My prayer now, is that God, show His mercy and if it be His will, let my brother rest.

My heart truly aches for you, and for your brother. I wish alcohol was a living being- I would rip it to pieces with my bare hands.
prayers for comfort for your heart ache, and prayers that your brother may find peace.

chicory

NYCDoglvr · 07-02-2011, 03:06 PM

Some people are too self-destructive to stay sober. It's not their fault, they're sick and can't help it. God bless you and your brother.

raininginoregon · 07-02-2011, 06:23 PM

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. It truly helps to have a place to go, share your fears, pain, heartbreak and hope with others that know what you are going through. Just knowing that others understand, makes the sorrow a little easier. It is bittersweet to know that others are praying for you, and at the same time, know that they too are experiencing this unique and sometimes uncompromisable sadness. Bless all of you that are in this unbelievably crazy world of loving an alcoholic. I pray for us all to be granted...... peace.

bruingirl · 07-02-2011, 06:26 PM

Raininginoregon,

I am so sorry for everything that you and your family are going through. Alcoholism is such a horrible horrible disease.

catlovermi · 07-02-2011, 06:59 PM

There are a bunch of folks here who REALLY understand.

Welcome.

CLMI

Babyblue · 07-02-2011, 09:18 PM

Probably one of the most revealing posts about the ravages of the disease.

Thank you for the reminder about what many of us are up against.
I cried when I read this.

I am so very sorry for the pain of seeing your loved one like this.

Hope you find light soon.

barb dwyer · 07-02-2011, 09:32 PM

hi raininginoregon and welcome to SR.

I hope you'll continue to post and read here
and find some companionship
and maybe some comfort.

welcome.

wywriter · 07-02-2011, 10:51 PM

Big hugs to you, and welcome to SR...I've only been posting here for a little while, but trust me, it really does help. It sounds like your brother and my husband are at about the same stage in their disease, and I think the only thing that's keeping my AH alive is the size of his unemployment checks. It's certainly the hardest thing I've ever had to face, and I think the hardest for a lot of people, to see someone drink themselves to death. My uncle died a few years ago from complications of alcoholism, and that was certainly hard -- now I am starting to fully appreciate what it must have been like for my dad to see his little brother go down the tubes like that. Sadly, it wasn't bad enough to get him to stop his own drinking, but still...

I couldn't agree more with a previous post -- if alcohol were a living, breathing being, I would likely be in prison for life, and the grisly crime scene photos would haunt people's dreams for decades. It's truly confounding just how many lives it has ruined, and taken.

AMANDA911 · 07-02-2011, 11:17 PM

i am saying a prayer to my higher power for your family.

07-02-2011, 12:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
raininginoregon Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 12	I may have been the last person to see my brother alive After dropping my brother off at his apartment last night, I realized that I am probably the last person who will see him alive. He is in end-stage alcoholism, severe malnutrition with extreme loss of muscle mass and body fat, he has inflammation of the pancreas and damage to his brain and heart. He has all the symptoms of hepatic encephalopathy such as, lack of awareness, inverted sleep patterns, extreme irritability, tremors and disorientation. My brother is in essence, a just an empty shell of biological matter, deteriorating day by day. Last night, after being refused entry into the detox center, (for showing up intoxicated) I was called after he was taken to ER. For the next five hours at ER, he was combative, aggressive and ended up ripping out his IV line, blood dripping down his arm and on the floor, he signed himself out. We spoke no words as I drove him home, I pulled over on his corner, he got out and walked to his apartment without a backward glance. I sat there for a moment and came to the realization that my little brother whom I have been mourning over the past year, was truly, dead. The brother that 30 years ago, was funny, bright, and with a tender loving heart is gone. My heart aches for those days that we had, the memories will be my comfort. My prayer now, is that God, show His mercy and if it be His will, let my brother rest.

07-02-2011, 12:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
recoverywfaith Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: God's Grace Posts: 2,465	I am so sorry you are experiencing the depths of this disease with your loved one...and pray for peace for your family. __________________ Be Grateful....Le Forti *The fundamental purpose of life is emotional and spiritual growth*

07-02-2011, 12:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
FindingPeace1 Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: rural west Posts: 1,345 Blog Entries: 3	Welcome. What a sad post. I am impressed at your ability to let go. You are doing exactly what you should be doing. It is not your fault that this happened. We can't say why terrible things happen. We can just do our best to keep ourselves sane and at peace. It sounds like you can love him, regardless of the choices he makes, while taking care of yourself. We are here for you. Keep posting fp __________________ We are the ones we have been waiting for. - Alice Walker formerly named wifeofadrinker, now focusing on myself.

07-02-2011, 01:21 PM	#5 (permalink)
LexieCat A work in progress Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: South Jersey Posts: 6,490	It is INCREDIBLY sad and horrifying to see what this disease does to people. I've seen what you've seen. Hugs and prayers, __________________ Lexie *~ one breath at a time*

07-02-2011, 02:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
vujade Chaotically Peaceful Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: A state of peace Posts: 322	It tears your heart to pieces seeing someone you love destroy themselves. Alcoholism is a horrible disease. I am so very sorry. __________________ Codependency is not about a relationship with an addict, it is the absence of relationship with self. - Terry Kellogg

07-02-2011, 12:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
newwings Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: California Posts: 622	I'm so very sorry, raining. Hugs to you for your strength and bravery. ((((( )))))

07-02-2011, 01:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
dollydo I'm no angel! Join Date: May 2005 Location: tampa, fl Posts: 6,735	I too, am sorry. This is one nasty disease.

07-02-2011, 03:06 PM	#9 (permalink)
NYCDoglvr Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: New York, NY Posts: 2,527	Some people are too self-destructive to stay sober. It's not their fault, they're sick and can't help it. God bless you and your brother.

07-02-2011, 06:23 PM	#10 (permalink)
raininginoregon Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 12	Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. It truly helps to have a place to go, share your fears, pain, heartbreak and hope with others that know what you are going through. Just knowing that others understand, makes the sorrow a little easier. It is bittersweet to know that others are praying for you, and at the same time, know that they too are experiencing this unique and sometimes uncompromisable sadness. Bless all of you that are in this unbelievably crazy world of loving an alcoholic. I pray for us all to be granted...... peace.

07-02-2011, 06:26 PM	#11 (permalink)
bruingirl Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 152	Raininginoregon, I am so sorry for everything that you and your family are going through. Alcoholism is such a horrible horrible disease.

07-02-2011, 06:59 PM	#12 (permalink)
catlovermi Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,183	There are a bunch of folks here who REALLY understand. Welcome. CLMI

07-02-2011, 09:18 PM	#13 (permalink)
Babyblue Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: the moon, milky way Posts: 1,250	Probably one of the most revealing posts about the ravages of the disease. Thank you for the reminder about what many of us are up against. I cried when I read this. I am so very sorry for the pain of seeing your loved one like this. Hope you find light soon.

07-02-2011, 09:32 PM	#14 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 10,942 Blog Entries: 7	hi raininginoregon and welcome to SR. I hope you'll continue to post and read here and find some companionship and maybe some comfort. welcome. __________________ Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad.

07-02-2011, 10:51 PM	#15 (permalink)
wywriter Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Wyoming Posts: 130 Blog Entries: 2	Big hugs to you, and welcome to SR...I've only been posting here for a little while, but trust me, it really does help. It sounds like your brother and my husband are at about the same stage in their disease, and I think the only thing that's keeping my AH alive is the size of his unemployment checks. It's certainly the hardest thing I've ever had to face, and I think the hardest for a lot of people, to see someone drink themselves to death. My uncle died a few years ago from complications of alcoholism, and that was certainly hard -- now I am starting to fully appreciate what it must have been like for my dad to see his little brother go down the tubes like that. Sadly, it wasn't bad enough to get him to stop his own drinking, but still... I couldn't agree more with a previous post -- if alcohol were a living, breathing being, I would likely be in prison for life, and the grisly crime scene photos would haunt people's dreams for decades. It's truly confounding just how many lives it has ruined, and taken.

07-02-2011, 11:17 PM	#16 (permalink)
AMANDA911 Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: INDIANA Posts: 39	i am saying a prayer to my higher power for your family.

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