pay his bills? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

itsjustme · 09-29-2003, 08:20 AM

My "a" is trying to clean up, finally. He wants me to pay his bills. He says he's working 12 hour days, which I think is exaggerated, and doesn't have time to deal with it. I don't get it. Everyone else has time to pay their bills. Why not him. Am I trying to control him by wanting him to pay the bills? Any advise?

ps...he is in KY working and I'm in FL.

MissyBelle · 09-29-2003, 08:24 AM

Is that paying them with HIS money or yours?

journeygal · 09-29-2003, 08:42 AM

Exactly - if it's his money, then it depends on whether or not you feel like doing the extra work. If it's YOUR money, well then, no would appropriate...

Blu-gal · 09-29-2003, 04:28 PM

Itsjustme,

I am assuming that you are talking about his money, as he is working. Is he working 7 days a week? I have worked on construction jobs in the tool room before that were 12hrs a day,7days a week. i found it very difficult and if my husband had not been there to make sure that i had food I don't think I would have even found time to eat!

But still it is your call if you want to take on the responsibilities. Just saying he may feel like he could use the help. But you know not to do anything that you are going to resent. It's not your responsibility to pay them if you don't want to.

Blu-gal

LettingGo · 09-29-2003, 08:38 PM

I would lean towards no. If he has the capacity to do it himself (can he write a check and put a stamp on the envelope), then let him do just that. Just my opinion!

itsjustme · 10-01-2003, 06:19 AM

Last night after he talked to our children, I spoke with him (this is after two days not talking). He sounds well and is counting his clean days. He even had to move because some of the other workers were smoking pot and he felt tempted. I think this is wonderful and a step in the right direction.

He mentioned joining the YMCA so he can fill his spare time with working out. I asked how would he find the time with working 12 hour days. I didn't want to start an argument so I didn't mention the bills. When he stated that he didn't want to DEAL with the bills, its not about the time it takes to pay them, it's the responsibility.

Last time he was gone, I was so sick. I worried myself into anxiety and I couldn't even function. I didn't pay a lot of the bills or I paid them late. So when he was home we split up the bills so I wouldn't have so much. His using was out of control, he was in an accident then he got caught double dipping doctors. This forced him to clean up. He was spending all his waking hours high and doesn't even remember paying the bills when he was here.

I just feel that everyone has time to pay their bills, why not him. I'm working on me. I've set up a calendar so I know when my bills are due and I'm working hard to make sure they are paid before they are due. That is challenge enough for me. I know how much money I need to make sure my bills are paid each month. I'm even working on a budget.

I mailed him three bills, the mortgage, his cell phone bill and his ambulance bill. I also sent him a daily thoughts book. I'm sure I'll hear about that one since he says he doesn't need AA or NA.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My new motto - "No Excuses" & "Just do it!!"

Hangin' In · 10-01-2003, 06:30 AM

Just my opinion, but I don't think it's too much to ask a grown man to keep up with a few bills and pay them on time. If not now, when is he going to take responsibility?

Hugs,

Hangin' In

closer2Him · 10-01-2003, 06:41 AM

good for you---I think you made a very good decision and for all the right reason.

09-29-2003, 08:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
itsjustme Paused Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: FL Posts: 3	pay his bills? My "a" is trying to clean up, finally. He wants me to pay his bills. He says he's working 12 hour days, which I think is exaggerated, and doesn't have time to deal with it. I don't get it. Everyone else has time to pay their bills. Why not him. Am I trying to control him by wanting him to pay the bills? Any advise? ps...he is in KY working and I'm in FL.

09-29-2003, 08:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
journeygal believer Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: walking in faith Posts: 1,023	Exactly - if it's his money, then it depends on whether or not you feel like doing the extra work. If it's YOUR money, well then, no would appropriate... __________________ Whether they find recovery or not, we survive...and then we thrive. ~Gabe

10-01-2003, 06:30 AM	#7 (permalink)
Hangin' In Southern through and through Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In.....trouble :-) Posts: 1,453	Just my opinion, but I don't think it's too much to ask a grown man to keep up with a few bills and pay them on time. If not now, when is he going to take responsibility? Hugs, Hangin' In __________________ The main difference between me and my Higher Power is that my Higher Power doesn't get confused and think He's me.

10-01-2003, 06:41 AM	#8 (permalink)
closer2Him Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Hanging from the edge of my pink cloud Posts: 15	good for you---I think you made a very good decision and for all the right reason. __________________ closer2Him "When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars." Courage to Change, Nov. 27th ********** If God is your co-pilot.... change seats. Jewels04_98 ********** "He will never leave me or forsake me." Your Creator

09-29-2003, 08:24 AM	#2 (permalink)
MissyBelle Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: between the lakes Posts: 60	Is that paying them with HIS money or yours?

09-29-2003, 04:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
Blu-gal Paused Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Dry Prong, La. Posts: 5	Itsjustme, I am assuming that you are talking about his money, as he is working. Is he working 7 days a week? I have worked on construction jobs in the tool room before that were 12hrs a day,7days a week. i found it very difficult and if my husband had not been there to make sure that i had food I don't think I would have even found time to eat! But still it is your call if you want to take on the responsibilities. Just saying he may feel like he could use the help. But you know not to do anything that you are going to resent. It's not your responsibility to pay them if you don't want to. Blu-gal

09-29-2003, 08:38 PM	#5 (permalink)
LettingGo Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 330	I would lean towards no. If he has the capacity to do it himself (can he write a check and put a stamp on the envelope), then let him do just that. Just my opinion!

10-01-2003, 06:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
itsjustme Paused Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: FL Posts: 3	Last night after he talked to our children, I spoke with him (this is after two days not talking). He sounds well and is counting his clean days. He even had to move because some of the other workers were smoking pot and he felt tempted. I think this is wonderful and a step in the right direction. He mentioned joining the YMCA so he can fill his spare time with working out. I asked how would he find the time with working 12 hour days. I didn't want to start an argument so I didn't mention the bills. When he stated that he didn't want to DEAL with the bills, its not about the time it takes to pay them, it's the responsibility. Last time he was gone, I was so sick. I worried myself into anxiety and I couldn't even function. I didn't pay a lot of the bills or I paid them late. So when he was home we split up the bills so I wouldn't have so much. His using was out of control, he was in an accident then he got caught double dipping doctors. This forced him to clean up. He was spending all his waking hours high and doesn't even remember paying the bills when he was here. I just feel that everyone has time to pay their bills, why not him. I'm working on me. I've set up a calendar so I know when my bills are due and I'm working hard to make sure they are paid before they are due. That is challenge enough for me. I know how much money I need to make sure my bills are paid each month. I'm even working on a budget. I mailed him three bills, the mortgage, his cell phone bill and his ambulance bill. I also sent him a daily thoughts book. I'm sure I'll hear about that one since he says he doesn't need AA or NA. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ My new motto - "No Excuses" & "Just do it!!"

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