Please Read: Posting Reminder

[lilmami]

Wow!I had stopped posting because of this very reason!!!I thought I would get a bit more understanding on this forum but I got a lot of 'harsh' replies which put me off, I tended to get those kind of replies from family and friends that didn't know what I was experiencing and was really disheartened by some of the replies I got here,that being said I also recieved some AWESOME replies!!

[Ann]

Reading though here, it warms my heart to see that some who have backed off from posting, may give it another try, and also offer support to the next codie who walks in the door.

I know that my posts are not always as gentle as they could be, sometimes because I am careless and sometimes because I know the member well enough to just shoot spades. But this is a good reminder for me too, that we are all here because we have walked to hell and back again and need to be among friends who understand, who hold us up when we cannot walk anymore, and who share their light until we can find ours again.

I love each one of you wonderful people, and am grateful that we found each other and have become "family". We may be dysfunctional but we sure know how to make a sorry heart laugh again, as we learn to accept ourselves and our circumstances and prepare to make our lives better.

[sunshine1980]

I have to admit, I have been reading this forum for almost a year, a while ago I signed up but I still have a hard time getting myself to post for that very reason.

But I also know a lot of that probably has to do with my own insecurities.

Reading stuff can also be very very helpful though, I read so many threads/posts that are helpful to me, without me having to post myself.

[greeteachday]

I don't know how to be helpful and supportive towards someone who is allowing their children to live in a harmful environment. Maybe the best response is no response? Or is that condoning it?

I think that this is a big trigger for many members, I have found that when I find myself feeling so triggered, I ask myself if I have any personal experience I can share that would be of help. When I do not draw from my own experience, I tend to walk the line where it comes to passing judgement on the OP based on what is written on a page on a computer and what my gut reaction is. And then I may start with the "how could yous" or the "you shoulds." It really helps me to stop and think that I do not know the reality of the situation nor have I walked in that person's shoes.

In situations where I do not have experience to share but I want to show support, a simple hug and a reminder that I care and I am keeping that person in my thoughts and prayers sometimes might make a difference.

[starting_over]

For posting this. I have been a long-time 'lurker' on this site and one other addiction website. I have a story not unlike most of yours and maybe one day I'll tell it, but for now I have to say that I have learned so much from all of you - thank you. It provided me with a place to come in order to clear my mind and to realize that I was not crazy...I was just living the life of a person addicted to an addict, with all the crazy things that go along with that choice.

I became reluctant a long time ago to post anything of consequence, primarily due to what I witnessed on the other site...people who, possibly with good intentions(?), make sweeping statements about what addicts are - for example, completely devoid of any sort of feelings, incapable of love of any kind except for the drug, evil to the core, hopeless, incurable, etc. And for those of us who are the family and friends of addicts? Judgements that we must be extremely ill ourselves...co-dependent in the extreme...to allow these people in our lives. Recommendations that we..."just leave"..."run away as fast as you can"..."never look back". Implications that if we have children and are unable to "just leave" that we are somehow abusive or at the very least irresponsible as parents. Usually coached in "I don't mean to sound harsh" BUT...language.

Coincidentally, I came across an old controversy between the two sites going back quite a number of years. The answer from Sober Recovery was simply "We do not shoot our wounded here". I can't begin to tell you how comforting that sounds to me...and your note today confirms that this is still the case. All who come here are wounded in some way - hurting, confused, angry, saddened. There is no answer or response, no "one size fits all" solution for each and every one of us. Our circumstances are as varied and unique as we all are as human beings.

Thank you for your tolerance...and for not shooting the wounded, of which I am one...

[summer017]

Great advice. we all need some comfort at times, and i know that i need a swift kick at times too. xo