My Dead Friends

[CarolD]

Hi Everyone....

On another thread I mentioned
I had lost 26 friends since I found recovery in '89.

Then I got to thinking ...so many of us
equate drunk driving to alcoholic deaths.
Others assume an alcoholic is jobless
friendless....a nomad living in parks.

My dead friends lived in D.C.
Drunk driving was not why they died.
None was a skid row drinker.

Norman in my bed...a heart attack
He took a legal pain med and had 5 beers.

John P......a suicide ..alone .Cocaine and Burbon

Bob...I found him dead in my apartment
when I came back from vacation.
He had been there 6 days and I did not
realize it was a person I loved.
I had to throw out my carpet and chair.

Wayne...who shared a home with me
I cleaned up his vomit and blood
as he bled to death on his way to ER.

Pat...I last saw him 2 hours before he died of
alcoholism. He was restrained in a hospital bed
raving and yellow.

Leo...I worked with him for 10 years.
He died on the restaurant floor
Convulsing and vomiting blood.

Joe...hit a bridge head on...drunk...in his PJ's..sucide

Princess....froze to death passed out in an alley

Richard ... shot himself in his bottle strewn car.

Charlie ..died waiting for a liver transplant

Stephen and Ann...liver cancer

Jeff and Ted...drunk...alone...found days after death in apartments
Not possible to pin point causes due to body decomposition.

A few had tried AA....2 died recovered

Sooo....while I do stress
"Don't Drink and Drive"
my personal list of who I mourn
has nothing to do with it.

With the hope that someone will save their own life
I share some of my dead friends with you.

Thank you for reading ...please find a
way to live without alcohol.

[downhillfast]

Wow - thanks for sharing. I am so glad I found this site, just for stories like that to help keep me straight.

[MNGirlyGirl]

Thank you Carol for the reminder of what a horrible disease this is. Baffeling and powerful...

[Klynn33]

Carol -
I am so sorry for all your losses, what a waste of life. You're post made me cry - but that's good....because I realize I am still able to.

Thank you for posting that.

[colagirl]

Carol, thank you for this post. You are so strong in your sobriety... I am sorry for all that you have been through but it helps me to know that this affliction can be beat, even in the face of life's worst circumstances.

[nandm]

Carol, thank you for the reminder. I have no idea why I am one of the few who is sober today but I have a greater appreciation for my sobriety knowing that there are so many who this disease kills.

I love it when I see a chairperson put an empty chair in the middle of the room to acknowledge the alcoholic who died before they could make it and for the alcoholic who still suffers.

[dgillz]

This made me make a list of the people in my life that died from alcoholism, and it isn't pretty.

Thanks Carol for posting this.

[lizw]

Thanks Carol

When I first got sober, I can still remember at treatment and in meetings hearing 'people die from this disease' and I thought 'yeah,yeah' - I love a bit of the melodramatic stuff too.

Then when I was 4 years sober people I knew and recovery friends started dying, the first one being an ex boyfriend of mine who was found murdered (after being missing for a year) and the local paper said he was a drug addict who faked mental illness to get drugs, which as far as I can remember was probably true.

I rang his family to get an address to send a card and spoke to his aunty who kept saying over and over, ' I don't understand why the papers are saying that stuff about him. He was such a nice boy.' I can vividly recall thinking, he was a nice guy. And not being sarcastic either - he was a really nice guy, underneath all the ugliness of his illness.

I have been told that all of us have a 'messge' to carry even those of us who die.

[ThisIsTheDay]

Thanks Carol...I have a few that I know of...

Davey...we went to Jr high...Cocaine & Whiskey bender 2 years ago, found dead in front of a carry out, The police report said he had a can of beer in his hand. So twicked on Cocaine he was waiting for it to open so he could buy more beer to come down!

Cid...out boating on lake Erie when the boat capsize...he was so drunk he belived he could swim all the way in as the storm raged...everyone else survived by holding onto the boat.

Jeff...drummer for a band I played in...died waiting for a liver transplant

Ricky...friend from elemently school...died from heart failure after 5 day bender, Cocaine, Whiskey, beer and anything else he could get his hands on....

Leo...drunk walking down the road, hit by a car and killered!

Terry....Hep C (Drinks heavy) still living in CA...rumor has it lives in the mountians and is a farmer...if you know what I mean!!!

Thats all I know of but I have not in lived in my home town in many years. I"m sure I have lost many friends from drugs and alcohol. Funny how I think back to 70's, it was all about Love, bell bottoms, peace signs, smokin weed n trippin... but it really took its toll on many of us!

[Cathy31]

Originally Posted by nandm

I have no idea why I am one of the few who is sober today but I have a greater appreciation for my sobriety knowing that there are so many who this disease kills.

Me too.

Thank you to all of you for sharing this.

Cathy31
x

[ananda]

thank you carol

alot of my friends from my first sobriety have died over the years sober, and a few drunk or using.

But one very nice and wonderful person that i spent time with in treatment basically couldn't deal with sobriety...he had a very dificult time with other issues which drinking had made worse. He attended an aa meeting, left the meeting and went and shot 2 people.

People really got angry at him and really put him down, but i remember my old sponsor telling me once after a sober suicide in our group....some people come back...just not soon enough. and i do believe tht there but for grace go I.

My friend was/is a very good person and i love him. i do not envy his path and it made me realize that there may be in fact worse things than dying of this disease...I wasn't afraid of dying at the end...but living with the knowledge of what we have done can be worse.....but of course i am grateful today that i lived and found sobriety.

[problemchild]

Scary message , but needs to be heard. Thank you for the reminder that i was given another chance.

[gravity]

Thank you so much Carol.

I have also lost several family members and friends to alcoholism & drug addiction. Last August, I was a pallbearer for a friend - 43 years old, same field of work as me, heavy daily drinker, brain aneurysm while at his office, didn't make it to the hospital. A good man lost. What I remember most vividly from the funeral is trying to comfort his little nieces & nephews.

On occasion, I tried to talk to him about his drinking, to get help. He would start crying.

His grave is near to my fathers and I visit often. I think he would be proud of me.

We truly are the fortunate ones.

[bballdad]

I have a friend who is coming up on 18 yrs sober this Dec
he has a list of names who died since he got sober in 1990
all has come to aa at some time

67 people on his list
some drank themselves to death
some was in car wrecks,some suicides
some od`ed
none died sober
there are probally many more we never found out about

[johneire31]

ken dead in stupid motorbike smash 5 years ago mad drunk at the time, his wife died this weekend, took aload of pills, jumped in a canal. Philip in a car smash while smashed, not dead but as good as, he can only move his fingers on one hand. my god what a post. I never put it all togeather that all this was a result of addiction one way or another. a great post even though a tragic one.

[least]

Thank you for the reminder of what can happen to us. Sometimes I forget and it's good that you have reminded me of where I might be if I continue to drink.

[PaperDolls]

Thanks for your courage to share this Carol.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friends and my heart goes out to those still struggling with their addiction and their addicts.

[Toomutch]

Wow- Although I can really apreciate this post I feel guilty for being one of the survivors
who knocked on deaths door too many times to count.

I'm sorry for all of your losses Carol

[Surlyredhead]

There, but for the grace of god go I...........we are blessed.

Thank you Carol.

[miss communicat]

thanks Carol for the space to remember in loving gratitude, those who did not live to recover from alcohlism. I remember

bill c age 42 (my dad) 1972
sandy m age 43 (my bf) 1995
terence w age 37 1985
michael g age 39 1979
scott j age 29 1982
walter h age 48 1987
leah s age 17 1972
chris c age 19 1973
jane s age 45 1990
jeffery c age 52 2004
nelson j age 51 1999
freddie p age 43 1996
charlie f age 55 2007
matt q age 48 2007
bob t age 53 2007

and the others

rest in peace~

[BUTTERFLY-7]

I'm sorry 4r ur losses I guess we all have loss
someone in this process I lost my second youngest Bro,
and my cousin, and the list gos on and on

[Gringo75]

Thanks Carol and thanks to everyone else who posted. It's a hard smack in the face to quit living in the now and seek a real future without alcohol. Bless ya!

[miss communicat]

in sobriety, I've said my good byes to some more dead friends:

Johnnie Walker
Jim Beam
Jack Daniels
Sam Adams
Carl Mondavi
Mr Bailey
Mmle Cointreau
Clans Glenfiddich + Glenlivet
Ron Bacardi
Jose Cuervo
the St Pauli Girl
Bud
entire families from Burgundy and Champagne regions in France and the Chiantis of Italy


I am doing well without these friends in my life today.

[MyPaperAnchor]

What a post. I keep re-reading it. Thanks for sharing Carol.

[PaulL]

Wow....thank you everyone for those SOBERING posts! Just as sad: those we know now who "but for the grace of God" will be added to that roll call...

I could especially ditto this post:

I have not in lived in my home town in many years. I"m sure I have lost many friends from drugs and alcohol. Funny how I think back to 70's, it was all about Love, bell bottoms, peace signs, smokin weed n trippin... but it really took its toll on many of us!

Yes! I was there too!
Thank you Jesus for saving me out of all that deadly self indulgence!

"There is a way that seems right unto a man, but the end thereof is the way of death."

Have a great sober summer!
Paul