Advice Needed...

[purpletruck71]

I am here because my boyfriend of 6 months has just realized he has a drinking problem, which I have been trying to convince him of for months. After he disappeared on me for 2 days, he promised he would never drink again. I thought he was doing real well never seen him even act like he wanted a drink. Well was I fooled he had been drinking the whole time just not around me. Well I didn’t find this out until this last episode. While I thought he was at work he was up at the bar drinking. Not only did he get so drunk he forgot all about coming to see me, like was planned. He took his roommates car for a joy ride without permission, and didn’t return home until 4am. The roommate went to the extent of calling the cops. I was worried to the point of making myself sick. I have given him so many chances and he keeps blowing it. This last time for me was the last straw but I do love him. I have kept in contact with him on the phone but he wants everything to go back to normal but I don't know if I should get out now before I get any deeper involved or should I give him another chance. He tells me that I am being unsupportive but I just don’t know if I can handle another disappointment. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and married an alcoholic, I didn’t have much control over getting away from it back then. But I am only dating this one so should I get out now? Should I just keep my distance until he gets a little better grip on things? Or should I just let it slide and give him yet another chance? Please help!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

dear purpletruck71 -

first off, please accept my apologies for not getting back to you before this -- was away from the computer for a few days and am catching up...

now: big sigh. Because I sense you already KNOW the answer here -- especially given your past experience with this disease as it affected your father and your husband. Your boyfriend needs help -- which unfortunately he won't get until he WANTS help. But you, my dear, need support now too. And if you've read any of the other threads here, you've heard me bang the alanon gong again and again -- because it's such a great forum for people who are involved with alcoholics to understand more about the disease and specifically about the limits of their (your) influence. As you know probably very painfully, you cannot make someone change -- much as you love them. My best advice is to get to an alanon meeting as soon as you can; to let your boyfriend know you care about him very very much but you know enough about other people's drinking to know that for your own sanity and wellbeing you have to steer clear of it. Give him the number of your local AA intergroup and suggest that he call it.

But now, please, tend to YOUR pain -- which Alanon will help you to do.

Do know this: from the sound of it, your boyfriend will never get "a little better grip" on this thing. When he's ready he'll have to do a lot more than that. But HE has to want to. I pray he does.

Guy