17 Red Flags

[Elana]

I typed this from a post I printed before the forum lost its old posts. I feel this is very important and so I have retyped it to post again.

I think it is appropriate for guys and gals.. though it is written for women. I wish I could give credit to the original poster, but all I did was print out the body of this information.

Before you get into a serious relationship with your boy friend or marry your boyfriend, ask your self…have I seen any of these red flags? If so, you may want to run baby run…

1. If your parents or siblings have doubts about him, pay attention. Listen and check it out.

2. If your intended has nothing good to say about his ex, beware. This is a pattern. Divorce is rarely only one person’s fault.

3. If his children have nothing to do with him, do not believe him if he says his ex brainwashed them against him. My Stepchildren have told me it was because they hated him, and they have good reasons.

4. Look closely at his credit and job history. They are sure predictors of what your life will be like.

5. If he is over 30 and has no money, do not let him move in with you, and don’t marry him until he is financially solvent. If he has any respect for you (and himself), he’ll insist on it.

6. Be sure in your heart that you can live with him AS IS. You cannot change another person.

7. This a biggie: Beware if he has no friends. It is not true they all decided to side with his ex.

8. If your friends dislike him, pay attention. This is also true if he hates your friends.

9. If he has more than one DUI and still drinks, RUN!

10. If he is one personality at work or with others and another person alone with you, run!

11. If he has nothing to do with his parents, investigate why. Don’t take his word for it (I will add this includes his siblings as well, and also if he says a lot of bad things about them it is not a good sign).

12. If he’s an expert on everything and brags a lot, understand that he will turn off a lot of people, eventually maybe even you.

13. If he has sexual problems, go with him to a doctor before you marry him. Believe me, his problem will become your problem.

14. If he is emotionally or verbally abusive, it will only get worse. Yelling, name-calling and glowering are classic signs of an abuser.

15. If he is never wrong and never apologizes, everything will be “your fault� forever. And, after years of hearing it, you may even start to accept the blame.

16. If he does something wrong and he says, “That would not have happened if you hadn’t (fill in the blank),� that another sign of an abuser.

17. If he is mean to children, pets or animals , recognize that he’s pathological , and the next victim could be you.

[Elana]

I have printed this for myself (good thing I did since I had it to repost).

I wish I had these flags in my hand before I had married or gotten into a relationship with my XABF. I would have had to read these with an open mind and I am not sure I would have before coming here and before finding recovery.

I do know I will never enter another relationship with out reading these flags first, tho I probably know them by heart now, since I have seen about 15 of the 17 between these two guys!

The last time this was posted it ended up a sticky. I hope it will again and I surely hope the original poster gets the credit!

[Ann]

This is an excellent thread, Elana, thank you for sharing it again.

As before, I will "sticky" it, and this time send a copy to Best of SR so we don't lose it again.