filling that void

[acristicat]

Hi Mark -

I have been reading these threads and it seems that you have some 'good stuff" that helps a lot of people.


I am a cocaine addict - definition of insanity to a tee - keep relapsing thinking - what??

i have that "hole in the soul" we hear so much about in the program - always wanting to be good enough, and even my best isn't good enough, though i rarely show that side of me these days - it's so easyfor me to 'skate" i't not healthy..


anyhow, whydo you think, a woman who seeminglyhas "it all" would throw away her family -husband , children, home, etc. for a drug she hates/loves/hates KNOWING the consequences? I have been in AA for 8 years, relapsing every time I get away from the program, I know, I know, but i just hate me. Can't get past that. THe pretty , smart self confident woman everyone sees is not me, not really.. I have been faking it so long Idon't know who I am anymore.

Do you think we ever really fill that void??? I am skeptical as to whether I doomed to a roller-coaster ride of a life

-Thank you -

Christine

[historyteach]

Hi, Christine,

Mark will be here to answer your concerns.
I hope you can fill your life with some positive activities to overcome the negative thoughts. You are whomever you make yourself to be.

Shalom!

[MarkSichelCSW]

If you've been relapsing every time you get away from the program, then the answer would be to stick with AA, no matter how challenging or difficult that might be.

[acristicat]

Yah - Duh.. Thanks.

[sugarbuger]

For me the hole in the soul was HUGE when I was drinking. I couldn't stand to look in the mirror. I was told by my sponsor to say "God/HP let me know that I am worthy today, just because you created me". Funny thing I began to believe it! The hole shrunk when I came to believe in a power greater than myself.