Helper needs help

[soldierbilly]

I have been sober many years and I sponsor members. But right now I am finding it hard to tolerate emotional pain I am in. My 9 year realationship has just finished and to add to that I have been hospitilised for cancer tests.
I have had cat scans but I am waiting for the results. The funny thing is I should be worried about having cancer but no. I miss my ex girlfriend ! That is what is in my mind ! The pain of seperation is agony !
What would I tell a sponsee ? That is how I have been helping myself ! Knowing that the pain will not last and that a drink or a drug will not help me ! I could not put a fire out with petrol and I could not sort out my problems out with drink or drugs ! It is hard very hard to go through this emotional pain ! Anyone out there got any advice or going through the same ?

[MLALOK]

Welcome soldierbilly. I've never been an alcoholic, but my man was one, and he died recently, after 3 years together. Nowhere near as long as you - 9 years, but SO painful. Like you with your girlfriend, I miss him so much. The pain of separation never goes completely, but it does change and soften with time.
The most helpful thing to me has been reading here, and posting too. People have been so incredibly supportive.
Good luck with the cat scan tests. Let us know how you're doing.

[historyteach]

Hi, SoldierBilly;

Welcome to SR!

I'm sorry for your difficulties.
But, I really see a lot of recovery in your post despite the terrible pain you are feeling.
Please take the time to take care of yourself. You deserve support now too!

Mark will be here to answer your concerns. In the meantime, why not go over to the AA or the alcoholism forum. There, you'll find lots of support.

I do hope your tests come out fine...please let us know.

Shalom!

[Jaguar0425]

Hello again! Do you have a sponser? That was my first thought. If I were in pain or emotional turmoil, I'd call my sponser. What would you say to a newcomer?
Take care,
Lynda

[Jaguar0425]

Sorry, I also wanted to say I'll keep you in my prayers. Be sure to let us know how the test results end up.

[MarkSichelCSW]

This is really a question for your sponsor and I think that's the best idea of who to talk to.

[soldierbilly]

My sponsor died 10 years ago !

[historyteach]

Do you continue to go to meetings, Soldierbilly?
If so, please get another sponsor.
And reach out to others often helps us in our own needs, too.

Otherwise, why not call upon your priest, minister or rabbi? Or a professional counselor? You are going through a tough time. You deserve some support. These people have years of training to help you during this stressful time.

And of course, continue to let us know how you're doing. We care....

Shalom!

[acristicat]

Hi -

This may or may not be helpful to you.


I am a cocaine addict who started the recoverey process a couple of years into my relationship with my now ex-husband, I did everything but light him on fire and he still stuck with me.

We had a baby and put almost two years of sobriety together. Life was sooooo awesome - we both had great jobs, a nice little house - my older children came back because I was the mom they always wanted.

Three days after our perfect weddding they told me I had malignant melanoma in my face and the cancer had invaded my nerves - they took half mynose and a fist sized chunk of my face off . While awaiting test results to about metastizees I relapsed and continued to do so. I had 13 operations in 3 years and probably10 relapses. After I disappeared for 3 days and left my husband and 1 year old, 12 year old and 16 year old (on her birthday) he sectioned me for 30 days, then filed for separation, telling me all along, he loved me, did not want to do this, would I just please get clean. For three months I begged and cried every night to please let me come home to mybaby. He held his ground, I relapsed again, he divorced me.

Again, I have had 13 surgeries in the past 2 1/2 years - and I Iwas, hell,, a beautiful woman. I have to be tested for cancer every6 months. After a year I relapsed again , overdosed and almost died, and now have no custody rights whatsoever. I struggle now daily - the emotional pain of missing my husband and baby is almost unbearable.

You tell your sponsees that life deals you some ****** hands but no matter what JUST DON"T DO IT. You tell them to cling to the program life life support. No matter what - be it a breakup, cancer, or substance abuse - it's all a dayat a time = no choiece. Make this a power of example. Turning a negative into a positive is the solution. I pray that someday my story will help someone else, because it's killing me....

Best -

Christine

[soldierbilly]

Christine,
Thanks for your contact. I got a lot out of your thread. It tells me to accept what I am going through ! I hope life will start to be good to you. It has taken you courage to write what you have. It has inspired me to keep going no matter what happens to me.

I hope your health improves and that you get your family back.
Thanks Billy