Understandng bi-polar ex :(

[kwhit10120]

Hi, my b/f just broke up with me a few weeks ago, without really telling me the reasons, just that is was over. He will not talk to me, return calls or emails. Unfortunately we work together! He is an alcoholic and I believe Bi-Polar (runs in his family and he exhibits the symptoms) he will not seek treatment and he is now back with this ex girlfriend who is also drug/alcohol addicted and she has failed rehab several times. I can't comprehend why he left me when I was trying to help him get help and he went back to her, he looks terrible, do bipolar's have a hard time REALLY committing? Or is it because I have NO addictions and he feels he can only be with someone else who has similar problems? I of course am devastated and working with both of them is becoming a nightmare for me. Could someone please explain the mindset of this man who went on and on about how much he despised this woman, he filed a human resource compliant on her etc several months ago and NOW he's back with her? Please offer some adivce here, should I be thankful he is gone? I"ve had to bail him out of jail, clean his apt etc. I own my own home and am fairly stable, so what did I do wrong? Thank you all for your time.

[historyteach]

Hi, kwhit;
And welcome to SR!

You did nothing wrong at all. But, I do hear some pretty strong codependent ideas in your post. You can't change another person, no matter how much you love them. I know, cuz I've tried for years to change my addict son. It just doesn't work.

I'm sorry you are dealing with such pain. Perhaps some alanon meetings would be helpful. And do check our friends and family of alcoholics forum here on SR. There's lots of people here to share their ESH, (experience, strength and hope), with you and guide your journey.

Mark will be here to answer your concerns.

Shalom!

[kwhit10120]

Hi guess I need to read up on codependent, don't know anything about this stuff. I have never had an addiction or really dealt with this issue before and I"m 44. I'm one of those people. who just goes to work and takes care of their family. Thank you for your advice

[historyteach]

Kwhit;
There's a wonderful book, titled Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I highly recommend it. You can get it at Amazon.com

I wish you well.

Shalom!

[MarkSichelCSW]

There's a number of books on codependency but Teach's recommendation is a good one to start with.