Holiday Pain

[Tenderheart]

Mark, my son (35) recently lost his 4th job due to his alcoholism. We have been preaching getting help the last 5 years and have possibly enabled him to continue this lifestyle by helping him financially. We have reached a point where we are drained -- took him over to a residential treatment facility for an evaluation and he was nasty and condescending to the intake doctor - stated he didn't need help and was "above" the caliber of people checking in. His phone/e-mail conversations since then have been vulgar, nasty spirited and more F*** you's than I can count. We did not invite him to Thanksgiving and now we don't know where he is. I have felt guilty that we left him out of the holidays and now that X-mas is approaching - I am depressed and fearful for his life. This is the worst it has ever gotten in our relationship with him -- my husband is adimant that he has done this to himself and must pay the consequences. What is the dividing line between recognizing his conduct as being driven by the disease and thus attempting to offer restitution in our relationship, and distancing yourself completely from his hurtful and nasty-spirited behavior to drive home the point that alcoholic or not, we don't have to take it?

[MarkSichelCSW]

In order to know the dividing line beween recognizing his conduct as driven by the disease and distancing yourself is for each of us to answer to ourselves. However, most people in your situation can be benefited greatly by going to Al Anon meetings and getting the support, wisdom, and generosity of others in very similar circumstances. That is my advice to you.