not strong enough

[ingodshands]

I have been married for 4 years, the first one was awful, he used to drink too much and started treating me bad in front of people, we separate from each other for 4 months in with I left to another city.
When I came back things were worse, He leaves the house at night and return the other day apparently drunk but he was on cocaine, he did that at least once a month, I know he was on cocaine cause he told me and ask me to help him get out of it.
We started going to a psicologist and his relapses were not so frequent( 3 months or evn 5months apart)
He quitted going to therapy and take it back when things gets worse but we have been living this for 3 years and I find myself tired and hopeless, I am depress and I dont believe in him.
I know when it comes to recovery relapses might occur but I dont want to live not even another relapse.
I love him but I am too sad and I dont feel happy besides him
We dont even have sex anymore cause his sex drive has disappear, his is in a bad mood all the time , so I dont know how it is so hard to finally take the decision of leaving him

[NCRaised]

Most of us who live with an addict have learned to doubt ourselves. It takes incredible strength to live with active addiction. Think about all the things that you do because your husband won't do them. Who keeps the household running? Who sees that the bills are paid? You are strong enough! You have compensated for the absent spouse. And you are strong enough to make the hard decisions when the time is right for you.

You deserve a peaceful, happy life. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Cindy in NC

[MarkSichelCSW]

Additionally, you could get help making the decision of stay or go by getting support from Al Anon meetings which are for those who love alcoholics.