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|03-27-2003, 05:56 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Sarasota, FL
mental obesssion to pills
I have become obsessed with taking pills. It consumes my thoughts on a daily basis & my bank account is draining. I know I need help but am scared to ask for it professionally because that will mean I have to quit. I don't know if I really want to, yet I know I NEED to. My fiance has no idea how bad my addiction has become. He knows I like to take pills & doesn't mind as long as it's occasional use. He would be horrified to know how bad I've become. I buy it from the street, doctor & anyone I can find who has a prescription of something I like. I lie all the time about it to people & give excuses as to why I need it. I hate feeling this way about myself. If I don't take meds, I don't have withdrawals. Just an obession of thoughts constantly. I love the euphoria & instint it gives me. When I know I have the opportunity to take meds, I become happy & anxiously await when I can pop thr pill(s). I am also an alcoholic, but I have found that if there are pills, to take, I don't really care about drinking. Just the pills.
I would love to hear from another pain pill addict who is actively using. I know I'm not alone, but I could really use someone to relate to who is not quite ready to quit. I know my addiction is just mental at this point. I know the consequences but just can't seem to stop.
|03-27-2003, 08:18 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Well, it sounds like you're nearing the brink. The brink not only of knowing you "need" to stop taking pills, but of wanting to stop. Because, you see, that's the key -- WANTING to get off this treadmill that is obviously wearing you down to a terrible state of desolation.
Here's what I would suggest. Without any expectations, go to an NA or AA meeting and try to listen to the feelings of the people who speak -- not the particulars of their stories (since you'll obviously hear from people who have grappled with many different substances, not just pills). Actually, I've heard more about pills in AA meetings than anywhere else -- often from people who had painkillers prescribed for them that they then found they couldn't stop taking. You'll see, I think, that ultimately it doesn't matter all that much what substance is the "hook" in addiction -- but the feelings you go through taking that substance, the fears & dependencies & desperate desire to get unhooked -- those are universal. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Just go to a meeting, and then another, and keep your ears and heart open. Help is there, so abundantly. You are not a "bad" person: you are simply a human being who has become dependent on pills. Don't whip yourself to bits: but do take the action of going somewhere to listen to people who are grappling with the same basic dilemma.
This is also an important time to get medical guidance. Find a doctor with whom you can discuss all this very openly. This may be the time to go into a detox or rehab program geared to your particular needs. There is no shame in this: only the prospect of a life so much better and freer than you're in right now.
But the key is wanting to change. It sounds like you're very near that essential brink. We are all here waiting to listen to you and share our own experience. I have no doubt you'll hear from other former pill-takers on this site. Reach out to us, okay?
Prayers are with you.
|05-08-2005, 08:40 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sarasota, Fl.
I understand the mental obsession all too well. I have been addicted to pain kiillers for 7 years and have tried to quit many, many times. I believe the mental addiction is the hardest to deal with. That has been why I have continued to abuse them. I have been coming to this site for a little while but I still haven't gone to one NA or AA meeting yet, due to no support from my husband. I know I can just go and not worry about him but I won't get into that whole different problem.
I have always been okay with being strong getting through the withdrawals on my own but I still constantly think about getting high, which leads me right back into using. If I go a week with no pills or any drugs or drink for that matter, I feel out of sorts. I agree that going to meetings is the right thing to do, as often as possible and try to stay active with the rest of your free time. If I find myself still thinking about pills while I am occupied, which happens a lot to me, I try and change my activities and/or environment. I feel for you because I know how difficult it is. I will pray for you and that you do not get any worse. I wouldn't wish this addiction on my worst enemy. God Bless and Good Luck.
"It is a mistake to look too far ahead.The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time."
-Sir Winston Churchill
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