bad mood in sobriety

[marcella98]

I just posted this in another forum but then saw this and am eager to hear your advice!

This is my first post to this forum although I have been lurking for awhile. I have been sober for 40 days. In my first week I went to an AA meeting every single night. I only related to a few of the speakers and therefore I didn't find it very helpful. Also I never spoke. I was busy with work and didn't have time to go out with people after when they asked me. But I did take all of the literature they gave me, I read it and found it very helpful.

Anyway, one thing that stuck out at the meetings was the idea of being "dry" versus "sober". I suppose people would consider me to be "dry" since I have not gone to 90 mtgs in 90 days nor gotten a sponsor. Anway, the difference was described to me as being "sober" is to do the 12 steps which addresses any stresses/anxieties/problems you had or would have in your life with or without booze (like, if you have a troubled marriage you probably will still have that when you stop drinking, but if you do the steps in a 'sober' recovery then the steps help you address the problem that is your marriage).

In my situation I don't have too many underlying stressors (most of mine in the past few years were a direct result of drinking/drug use). My marriage is great, my finances are fine, my relationship with my family is good, and I love my job but hate my boss. That's about it for problems (the boss). I have a good relationship with a "higher power", etc. So I don't see why I would need to do the steps or why I shouldn't consider myself "sober" versus "dry".

However, since I stopped drinking 40 days ago, I have become a raging bitch. I snap at my husband every chance I get, over stupid things (something I never did before.) I get really depressed about my job and don't want to go to work and so the minute I have a cough I call in a sick day or find some reason to leave early. I have barely gone out in 40 days-- I don't want to see anyone; not my friends nor my family. I just sit at home with my husband and snap at him-- making him feel miserable too. When I was drinking I wasn't even this bad. I mean, we would fight at least once a week because of reckless/stupid things I did when I blacked out, but on days when I wasn't drinking or not drinking too much things were always good.

So my question is: is this normal? Do people typically feel like this when they stop drinking?

Lots of people describe a 'pink cloud' after sobriety; which I don't feel at ALL. Not even for a day. I just feel depressed and angry.

So, even though there is no underlying problem that was there before I drank (I feel like the problems came AFTER I quit!) does this mean I need to do the steps? Is this what they say when they mean I am "dry" but not "sober"? Or is all of this par for the course?

Does that make sense? Sorry if I am talking in circles.

Any advice would be very appreciated!

Thank you,
M

[Ten Chips Down]

Originally Posted by marcella98

One thing that stuck out at the meetings was the idea of being "dry" versus "sober". I suppose people would consider me to be "dry" since I have not gone to 90 mtgs in 90 days nor gotten a sponsor. Anway, the difference was described to me as being "sober" is to do the 12 steps which addresses any stresses/anxieties/problems you had or would have in your life with or without booze.

Yeah but Marcella you gotta understand that is strictly opinion. -In my opinion. LOL

No, seriously--you absolutely do not have to subscribe to any 12-Step program in order to be a mentally healthy, very much functioning and alive individual.

There are many who feel that way, it's why we have all kinds of forum choices on here, including alternatives to both Al-Alon and AA.

For MANY, the 12 Steps just don't fit right.

"Since I stopped drinking 40 days ago, I have become a raging bitch. I snap at my husband every chance I get, over stupid things (something I never did before.) I get really depressed about my job and don't want to go to work and so the minute I have a cough I call in a sick day or find some reason to leave early. I have barely gone out in 40 days-- I don't want to see anyone; not my friends nor my family. I just sit at home with my husband and snap at him-- making him feel miserable too. [...] So my question is: is this normal? Do people typically feel like this when they stop drinking?"

My dear, you're only 40 days in. Man you're just a wee babe to sobriety. So.... yep, oftentimes, yes ma'am they do.

AA, even though I can't go along with them, is still a trove of wisdom and I remember when I attended meetings, this damned old hard-nosed sponsor of mine name of Richard. I love him now LOL but he used to tell me that it took him about 3 years with no alkyhol in his system before he felt he had achieved what they like to call "serenity" on a day-to-day basis in his life.

Of course at the time I would be enraged and think to myself, "Well what in HELL are you telling me THIS for? Inspiration!?!?" LOL

Here's why he would tell me that:

To prepare me, in no bullsh*t terms (he was a no b.s. kind of fellow), for the road ahead to recovery, which can be long and incredibly rugged. But.... see Marcella, it doesn't have to be. Not if you practice good mental, spiritual, and physical hygiene (read good books and get plenty of exercise and eat well).

You will be fine and the one common denominator here? is don't damnit drink.

Whichever path you take, AA or another way, do it in "day-at-a-time" mental increments and understand that things almost HAVE to get better for you (the body always naturally strives for health and a return to homeostasis).

Remember that the one sure way to screw things and REALLY pedal backwards is to pick up again.

Now I'm sure that Mark will have added suggestions or perspective on what you can do to alleviate the moodiness and so forth so I'll step outta da way.

-TCD-

[historyteach]

Hi, marcella;

Mark will be here to answer your concerns.
In the meantime, why not go to the AA forum, or the Alcoholism forum. Or even the secular connections forum. There, you will find lots of support from peole who understand. It sounds like you are going through detox, physical and mental. And that takes time to overcome.

Wishing you the best.

Shalom!

[MarkSichelCSW]

Your response and process of sobriety is not so unusual and despite what you think, yes, you need to do and work the program with a sponsor doing the steps and that is how you will feel better. I can't explain why but doing AA in the traditional way works for recovery in a way nothing else does in my experience.