Tried to commit

[Sherella]

Hello Mark,
My husband passed out in a bar, was taken to the hospital and then transfered to detox, while there I tried to have him commited but they said he still worked and did not have any DUI's, he's been drinking for seven years
straight voldka, was a pint a day, as fast as possible, now up to 3 pints, he black outs on a regular basis, and remembers nothing the next day. He was keeping his guns in our bedroom wall, and becoming more hostile.
While at detox they did get him to go to inpatient treatment for ten days and then said it would be better for him to go to a half way house for up to six months, he is now saying he wants a divorce that it is all my fault.

My question is this, is he really sober, when he goes through detox or is he still not functioning even though he sounds okay? I am okay with a divorce but I don't want to do something that would cause more damage then has been done already, any suggestions would be appreciated. Sherella

[MarkSichelCSW]

I imagine he's sober in the detox although you don't go from homicidal and suicidal drinking to "health" overnight. A divorce would not cause more damange than has already been done.

[Ten Chips Down]

Hey Sherella

My question is why in the world would you want to stay with someone as unstable as that. I do understand the residual love, attachment, and concern you must feel but come on now do you really want to stay a man who hides guns in the walls? lol I'll betcha he keeps them fully loaded.

Not to laugh at your predicament but I see so many of these posts where the partner is more worried for the safety and wellbeing of their spouse or significant other than they are for themselves.

And yes it is (thank God) very hard nowadays to have another person involuntarily committed to an institution: They must be clearly homocidal or suicidal at the time of commitment, and a judge must order it.

TCD

[Sherella]

Actually the guns weren't loaded, I happen to be handicapped, and depended fully on him for everything, I am now trying to figure out how to manage on no income, or insurance, which I have to have. Try and save my home from going into foreclosure, and at the same time try and finish the remodeling projects, that were never finished so I can get it on the market. I have been trying for the last two years to get him into therapy before he killed himself, just didn't think it would happen like this, leaving me in this situation, I am okay with him leaving, it's the way he chose to leave that makes it difficult. I wasn't trying to get him commited to an institution but to a court appointed treatment center that they have to go to for 25 days, where if they choose to leave the court will not go after them.

[Ten Chips Down]

Ahh - well see, that changes the entire picture.

I am very sorry that you are in such a truly cruddy situation - and I do sympathize for you.

This is a tough one. I HAVE no answers.

Uhm, Mark?


(i apologize sherella)

[NCRaised]

Originally Posted by MarkSichelCSW

I imagine he's sober in the detox although you don't go from homicidal and suicidal drinking to "health" overnight. A divorce would not cause more damange than has already been done.

With all due respect to Mr. Sichel, no he is NOT sober in detox. The withdrawal of the substance doesn't automatically create a sober individual. I believe long time AA members call this a "dry drunk." It takes months to clear the body of the toxicity of alcohol. And unless your husband has admitted he has a problem with alcohol, he isn't sober. He is still full of the "stinking thinking."

I was very much in the same kind of position as you when my husband and I divorced. But it can be done successfully. Seek any assistance you may need from your local agencies. And remember, start thinking about yourself as the only one you need be concerned about. Let the alcoholic take care of himself.

Wishing you serenity, courage and strength,

CCNNC

[Ten Chips Down]

Originally Posted by NCRaised

No he is NOT sober in detox. The withdrawal of the substance doesn't automatically create a sober individual.

Well it's semantics in this instance, as I'm well confident that Mark was not meaning to equate "dry" with "sober" but your statement reminds me of an old aphorism I first heard in AA: If you take a drunk horse-thief and sober him up, all you got is a sober horse-thief. LOL

[MarkSichelCSW]

I absolutely meant dry and I should have used that word rather than sober. Thank you 10. Sherella your situation is truly awful but hopefully if you put your energy into getting help for yourself (which if anyone deserves it, you do) as opposed to putting your energy into trying to get him into theapy.

[giveup]

my father used to be like that when I was younger and indeed, This was a very difficult situation where my brothers, my mother and I had to deal everyday...
you should pray for him.. jush wishing will not help.. you can try to encourage him.. try all you have to do before looking for a divorce....

[reveal]

it really depends on the kind of environment with the personl factor. it depends on what idea the child develop in the house.. if he sees parents suffering of it.. or being sick ok the smoke tires him.. he will not get to it.
If he considers the social aspect then this will be associated with fun and that might influeence him to smoke or even drink more..

[Ten Chips Down]

Originally Posted by giveup

you should pray for him.. jush wishing will not help.. you can try to encourage him.. try all you have to do before looking for a divorce....

Hi,

Me again. There's a line in a song by Led Zeppelin which comes to mind reading this. () "Crying won't help ya, praying won't do ya no good."

There are intances where divorce is absolutely called for. Schlessinger calls them "The 3 As":

Addiction,
Adultery, and
Abuse

I find Mark's appeal to shift the focus more on Sherella to be healthy advice.

-TCD-

[Wii]

Originally Posted by Sherella

Hello Mark,
My husband passed out in a bar, was taken to the hospital and then transfered to detox, while there I tried to have him commited but they said he still worked and did not have any DUI's, he's been drinking for seven years
straight voldka, was a pint a day, as fast as possible, now up to 3 pints, he black outs on a regular basis, and remembers nothing the next day. He was keeping his guns in our bedroom wall, and becoming more hostile.
While at detox they did get him to go to inpatient treatment for ten days and then said it would be better for him to go to a half way house for up to six months, he is now saying he wants a divorce that it is all my fault.

My question is this, is he really sober, when he goes through detox or is he still not functioning even though he sounds okay? I am okay with a divorce but I don't want to do something that would cause more damage then has been done already, any suggestions would be appreciated. Sherella

Oh My Sherella, you certainly do have your trials. If I were you I'd look into getting some sort of income for yourself. Do you get SSI since your handicapped? You need to take care of yourself. And guns and alcohol are LETHAL combination. I won't suggest what you should do but if it were me I'd say "MILES" might be a good start.

He has to WANT to stop drinking. And it's not easy to do. And once he does decide he wants to stop it's going to take a long time for his body to get back to any semblance of normal, perhaps a year or longer. Nevermind his Stinkin Thinkin, that's going to take many MANY meetings. I won't even guess at how long that'll take. I wish you all the best and if you need to talk in private I am usually around. I will send you my Yahoo name in a PM.