Arura

Hi there, well... ive been on lots of different meds for depression, but most made it worst...! so im not going to take anymore as the damage is too great.Seroxat, fluxatine,Amitrpitline...Prozac...!...They dont work...!

I have struggled with deppession most my life its not a stranger too me.
It just seems that everyday is such a struggle...i cry alot at the moment,so the tears are back aswell...Im not eating very much.And i carnt sleep for long, 4hrs at most.Im waking up at 5/6 am...?

Snaping at my bf. Hes getting alot of the flack as hes there...I feel bad about it aswell.He undrestands im not haveing ago at him but its not nice to see the one you love on the floor in tears....Which is were i belong.!!!!!!!!

I have soooo Much going on in my life, unmanageable...?...im a good juggler but somethings gona give and its me...!

I need some peace of mind. that things arnt always gona go wrong for me.
No matter how hard i try.I dont seem to be able to pull myself out of it...?

I just really needed to do this as its how i feel, and im struggeling to find peace in my heart, n mind, n soul...!

Thanks for letting me vent off abit of how i feel.........A...x

Lilya

Sweet movie girl,

I´m so sorry you´re feeling sad. What can I do to help? Have you tried goal-setting? It works for me.

Here is how it goes:

I visualize a goal one year into the future. Then I break it down into small, maneagable steps. I write down what steps I need to take to achieve it in 6 months time, then one month, then the next four weeks.

The magic thing about this strategie is that your spirits automatically lifts, because it chases the negative thoughts accompanied by the depression away. The goal doesn´t have to be big. Just something that makes you feel good or something you have always wanted to do.

Here´s an example. I had a terrible row with one of my brothers and my sister-in-law. I had been taking care of his son when he was a baby (my brother was finishing med school and my sister-in-law had a bad baby blues). I had just gotten divorced, so I accepted to foster the baby. Needless to say, I grew to love the baby as he was my one and cared for him for two years. Then they moved away and took the boy with them. I could stay in contact for some time, but I could sense my sister-in-law was jealous, so they gradually let me see less and less of him. I got angry at them and stupidly told them so, and we didn´t speak for three years. This was particularly sad for me as my daughter was taken away from me because I had her when I was a 17 year old junkie. It was also very hard on the boy and it will take a long time to heal.

Anyway, I set the goal to mend the rift between me and my brother. This took actually more than a year, but this goal-setting helped me to plan without too much emotion and gradually we started to meet again. One of the steps was to act as the past didn´t exist and nothing had happened between us (my brother doesn´t want to talk openely about his feelings, so I didn´t have a choice). Then time worked it´s magic and now I can approach my beautiful nephew again.

I now have an 8 year old niece I raise as my own, so things are better, but one of the steps was to let them spend more time together so we could all be happier as a family.

I hope this helps. Remember, this will pass.

Love and light,

BSPGirl

Have ya looked at this site: www.threeminutetherapy.com ?

(I hope linking is allowed, heh)

Marte

leviathon

I've struggled with depression my whole life. I used to have quite far ranging mood swings... not bi polar, but I could be happy and easy going and then the next minute be pissed and upset or depressed.

Two things have worked for me. Exercise (causes increase in endorphins in your brain [the natural sources of mood elevation]). Anti depressants. First effexor and then later celaxa. Effexor stopped working or its benefit was over come by my father's suicide and subsequent relapse to drinking. Got off alcohol after about a month of hardcore drinking with anta abuse then started exercising and got on celaxa. Life is good.

Peace, Levi

Wolfstarr

((((Aurura))))

I can empathize with you. I have been depressed most of my life, too. I get moments of despair, but I get through them albeit sometimes barely.
I have been on Prozac since it's birth nearly twenty years ago. I have tried again and again to go off of it, but the depressive symptoms reappear.
I don't know if it is psycho-somatic or real.
All I know is that I, like an alcoholic, have to admit to myself I am depressed, and a depressed person. I am who I yam. I accept me and move along.
A psychiatrist I went to long ago, back in Detroit in Henry Ford Hospital told me this:
Once you accept your illness, you will feel better about yourself.

I found this out:
Once I accepted my illness, I really did feel better.

I am not by any means saying you need to do this, just that is what I did, and I am learning to live my life with and without depression.

We can live a good life. WE can and we will.

Peace to you, and prayers...
Wolfstarr

Arura

Thank you ALL so much.Things are tough somedays...! and its pretty much always for me.

I do the execise thing, but i srupose its back to the park.. in my trainers then for me.! I used to sprint alot when i was hurting in my head.Somethings you just dont get over.You have to learn to live with them...well thats how it feels for me..{i want to be wrong}.!

I made it through the day without drinking which is good...! i tryed to keep myself busy.but every now and then i hit the floor...!..Id rather be teird than use more pills...!

(((Lilya))) hey sweetie, thank you.My children are with my mum.I gave them to her in 2001.!.as i was not able to look after them.Things have changed in my life now.So things are really tough on that one...!
Its a mixure of it all. I got offered a job doing the gardens at my drug agencie...?,,they didnt give it to me.And are now treating me Very strangely.So i have also just lost my counseler...? they have all my paper work.As i use there sloicitor.They havent even rang me, to see if im alright.I tursted them.
Things are all over the place for me at the moment..I do lists, so small goal setting is a good one when it comes to the kids.

Escape is so needed for me... i want to runaway from me and leave all the problems behind even just for abit...

I have sort of come to terms with being depressed.I try to avoid situations that are going to upset me but that can become hard...!

I could go on for ages at how much a faliure i feel that i am...but its upsetting now so i'll stop for abit....

Just a great big Thanks to you all for answering my post,as today has been hard...x
................... ........x

deedee

(((Arura)))

thinking of you and sending positive thoughts ...

Arura

Thank You all again so much.Those posative thought must be working as i feel alot better today...!

But thats the way it seems to go up n down...?

Thanks for the link Marte...! when i do searches on painful things.I find it very difficult at times to read it properly, as my mind likes to change things so its an attack...! Totaly insecure when you scratch the surface... .

Thankfuly today im feeling better, so .......... ...x

Many Hugs.......xxx . thank you all so much...!

Wolfstarr

You bet Arura! It does go up and down! But...that is the way it is for most everyone...ups and downs.
I accept the ups AND the downs...knowing it will pass. You know that ole saying..."This, too,shall pass"? Well, it's so true.
Know in your heart that the downs will pass. The balance is the ups will pass too, but, those downs teach us good things about life, and our own strength.
You keep on kiddo...you are soooooooo getting in touch with yourself!!
Hugs,
Wolfie

Arura

Thanks ((Wolfie)), you've all been such a great help to me.

I car'nt express how at ease you've all made me feel...!

Still sober Today...! . As a bender has its appeals at the moment...?...

Oblivion...! in a way i miss escaping from my feelings.?

Its back to dealing with life on lifes terms, even though the terms stink...!

Thanks ((Wolfie)), im still not totaly on my feet, but im working on it...!

Many, Many Hugs to you ...

upanddownjj

Acceptance and anger at Bi-polar is my biggest Problem at the moment..I just can't get out of this low grade depression..Not real bad - but just enough that I can't get motivated to do anything..I am happiest at home..don't want to deal with anyone..My Dr. has suggested Electroshock since I have been on all kinds of meds and they don't keep me level long enough to get into working consistantly..
I am rapid cycling just below "normal" up&down all day..I feel good enough to start something then I run out of energy right after I get the idea and motivation to start..My place is a mess and I am really angry that I have to accept that I will have this for the rest of my life..
When I was really down I would have suicidal impulses that I could not control, but thankfully I never acted on them - I WOULD NOT be hospitalized !! Now, Sometimes when I think that this is how I may have to live for the rest of my life , I conciecously consider that someday that would be an option..I am really tired of this.
My "shrink" is back fm a months vacation today, so I have to make my final decision on this electroshock..I thot it was just for people who were Severely Ill.. By the way - I do feel lucky that all my treatment is covered by Provincial medical..even my meds....Just venting.......Janni

:Weightlif Working hard to be positive

Arura

Hi upndown, i understand what your saying about, is this the rest of my life...? Its NOT for sure...! And im a pesamist...!...?...?

But when i think yer, this is for the rest of my life i will have to battle with feelings all through my life...? It does weigh me down...! ......Mentaly...!

But if it means staying Clean, im in. as at this stage i have nothing to lose.!

Givingin it all ive got...! ...!

reikihelps

just wondering Arura, have you ever had your thyroid checked? your iron level? Sometimes there are many perks from a good blood test. When my thyroid (which underfunctions) is acting up, depression is increased ten fold. Also, when I was anemic I wanted to crawl under the covers and stay there. Am now on thyroid meds and no longer anemic and it has helped much.
best wishes to you

Lilya

Good point, Reiki.

I have an iron problem due to massive periods and not being a real meat-eater. I have to have iron injections every two years. Althought I try to have my iron checked (you have to ask specially for it, it´s not automatic), I sometimes forget. I didn´t ask for it last February when I have my yearly medical check-up and payed for it dearly. My iron supplies were finished.

Symptoms: Deep depression that comes and goes. Crying for no reason. Breathlessness. Cold sweat. Irregular heartbeat. Not being able to dance, swim or do any exercise without being too tired to continue. Needing to sleep all the time. Mood swings. Being on a short fuse. Compulsive craving for fatty foods, like ice-cream and junk food. It´s calld Pica in latin. Gaining weight because of all the junk food. Constant feeling of worthlessness.

I found out when I was in China last May. When I went on the cruise, I had to see the ship´s doctor. He asked me why I had a pulse going on 200 and my heart beating like mad. Then it hit me. Iron deficiency. As soon as I was back home, I had my iron checked. Totally finished.

My last iron injection was yesterday. I cannot describe how much better I feel. It´s worth checking out.

Love and light,

reikihelps

Glad the injections work for you, Lilya.
yes, I had very heavy cycles and my iron was down to 8 I believe. Then had a medical procedure called an endometrial ablation (the lining of the uterus is removed) which is much less invasive and works like a charm. My iron is back to 12 and I no longer have to deal with much of a cycle at all. It significantly changed my lifestyle. I don't even take iron supplements now.
I still carry some low grade depression and with exercise and a mild antidepressant seem to keep it in check. It's nice to have energy again.
Of course, now there's menopause on the horizon.... I'll save that for another thread!
Anyway Arura, sometimes there's a biological culprit that shows emotional characteristics.
How ya doin?

Arura

Thanks Ladys as my periods are Very heavy....? I just had loads of Bloods done.Everything was fine except they found high tumor levels in my blood and my side hurts.So im Doing the Hospital thing, but im waiting to find out in October with a scan...!?! NOT as bad as it sounds i dont think.?!!!!?

But Things do go massively up n down for me.Trying to be comfortable,at night when its time to sleep.Waking up Shocked n scared.Shouting at the b/f...! for no reason.Lots of crying.!
Certain things can make life really hard for me...!
Ive been aniemic before aswell.so i'll ask my Dr about some Iron pills.

Thanks Ladys, that might help abit, as i see recovery as a whole thing my head and body n soul need a good rejuvination, as its been beaten down ALL my life.

Thanks you Very much Ladys for just being you...

Arura

Well today was a tough one...! Ive used most of my Valium n temazeys...!
Ive had a migrae for 2 days now aswell...? excuse 1...!
No worrys i can replace them hopefully tomorrow, i'll fess up to the Dr.
I feel sick with anxiety, litraly nausea,. but im O.K, now...hummm.!?!...

I feel like ive let myself down again... I did'nt go n buy a drink which is a First for a bad day at the moment...!

Anyway thought id get that off my chest. I messed up, ...

reikihelps

Hang in there, Arura.
Have you tried any holistic care to reduce anxiety? Massage, reiki, acupuncture, body work?
How about meetings? Do you access them?
((((Today's a new day)))))
we're here for you