blueglass

So... for like the first time in about 10 years, I am seeing someone, and the feelings are very mutual. We've known each other for 2 years, but earlier this month, something changed. I don't know what, why, or how, but the next day, we had our first kiss. Second night, first date, more kisses. Everything was fine, and then I flipped out.

I have real issues with trust. Not only do I have depression, but also PTSD, and I'm an ACoA. Yes, I've been all over these boards! But my trust issues are what made me flip out, almost cost me this new relationship, and now I feel as if I'm just barely able to shake the negativity loose.

The first time it happened, I was sending text messages to his phone, and he wasn't replying to any of them. He had needed some cash, and I was asking him if he had it or how much he still needed. Long story short, he didn't reply to any of my messages, so when I called his cell phone from a landline, and he answered, I was pretty mad. He came to my house about 30 minutes later, and we sorta made up, but I never got a concrete answer as to why he didn't reply to my messages.

Earlier this week, I wanted to talk to him, so I sent him a text message on his cellular, and asked if he would have any time to see me that day. No reply. I waited a few hours, and then I left another message. I pretty much waited around the house, thinking that he would have time and want to meet me at home, but at 11pm, I was seething. Again, I called his phone, and he answered, was with my best friend (who had just finished work at 11), and his best friend. He's asking me "What did you want to talk to me about?" and I said "I don't want to talk to you while you're with other people!" I don't even remember how the rest of the convo went, but I went to bed pretty mad.

The next day, he tells my friend that he's ready to end things because I'm getting possessive and he felt as if I was attacking him, and other various things. I didn't like hearing that, but truth was that he was pretty close to the mark. The same evening, he and I were able to talk very calmly, understand each other's viewpoint, and we're still seeing each other. But....

I'm still mad. A lot of issues have been unearthed lately, and they have to do with feeling ignored, disregarded, and wondering if he's seeing anyone other than me makes me a little jumpy, too.

I just got put on Wellbutrin XL and Effexor XR, and I've been really feeling good. Now since my doubts and craziness have crept back up on me, I feel like I did before I was on meds.. angry, grumpy, ready to yell at anyone. In fact, I was screaming at my best friend in Wal-Mart's parking lot two nights ago because I didn't feel like he was defending me when this guy went complaining about me to him.

I don't know what to do. Inside, I feel wired, and I can't calm myself down to where I was just two weeks ago. Anyone think it's just my issues that this new 'relationship' has brought to the surface, or should I ask for my dosage to be tweaked? I know I have a lot to work on still, and I might not be ready for a relationship, but I like this guy, and if it doesn't work out, I don't want it to be because the girl I was prior to getting on the right meds has gone crazy and run him off.

best

Jealous feelings, trust issues, wanting or needing to know, the desire of that feeling of a security blanket around you. If you sit down and talk open with him as you explain your feelings and needs of the moment, he could try to supply some understanding and fill the needs but it still comes down to what we do. Mistrust when there is no need to mistrust, we need to do our best of letting go of the hurt from our past and trust each person on their own merit.
Can be tuff but it can be done, It can take some time and with the other person understanding our needs of the moment, we can get over trust issues faster.
Open communication worked great for me on this issue.

I would think talking with your Dr about your meds would be a good idea as well. Finding the right med balance is important also.

blueglass

Thanks for the advice, Best.

I really enjoyed sitting down with him and talking. It was so scary. He was walking me to my car and I very nervously asked him if he wanted to talk to me about something. So we sat in the car for about 30 minutes or so, and hammered everything out. My first instinct was like his, to just walk away from everything. He didn't want to deal with it, and I didn't want to deal with how I was feeling - vulnerable. It's scary to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'm open enough to get hurt in all this, and it makes me lash out with no REAL motive or reason. I even did something I usually never do when I know that I'm wrong - I said a sincere "I'm sorry" for upsetting him. Felt good.

My mother's sisters and mother are coming to our house for 5 long days starting this coming Saturday, so if by Tuesday I'm still feeling jumpy, I'm going to call the doctor - don't want to be neurotic with them around!

blueglass

Hi Sweet, thanks for posting

Since I've been on the Wellbutrin (which has only been a month), my mood has taken a complete turn-around. My mood was much calmer, got along with everyone a lot better, was generally happier. It's probably no coincidence that I didn't have any major problems during that time either, and it took a real issue to almost make me relapse into the person I was before the meds.

It's possible that it's too soon for me to be involved with anyone, but I think as long as I'm aware that I still have things to work on, there's a chance things will be ok.

Today, I'm still feeling a little irritable under the skin, which is strange because I've had a decent day, so I'm gonna keep an eye on my mood and see what happens next.

I've heard of a lot of people saying they didn't do well on Wellbutrin, so I'll try to be aware of that also, incase it's just flat out the wrong medicine.

Thanks!