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Old 06-23-2006, 09:22 AM
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Got A Question

I originally posted this in Naranon where I am a regular but thought this would be a good place to post as well. Thanks ahead of time for reading.

Me and my mom were talking last night about my husband. She knows everything I've been through with him and his addiction and because I have a brother who suffers from anxiety disorder and a nephew with ADD, she understands what my RAH is going through.

We were talking about some type of medication my brother is on. I honestly have reservations about my RAH taking any type of anxiety meds or ADD meds because he recently started his recovery from addiction to xanax. He is currently 3 months clean.


My mother suggested that although he is doing somewhat okay in learning to control his anxiety at work, that maybe we should consider putting him on some type of anti anxiety meds so that he can come to family functions, go out to eat with out panic attacks, go to friends houses etc.....because he can't do these things now. He is currently in cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety.

I did a little reasearch at her house while I was there on non-addictive anxiety meds, which are basically anti depression meds. I found three

BuSpar is somewhat addictive but most effective in treating anxiety, has anyone had any experience in themselves or family members dealing with this med?

I also looked at Lexapro which is not benzodiazepine like xanax is and is the least addictive of any of the anti-anxiety meds but overdose at all can be fatal with this med (so what if he does try to abuse it, where will we be then?)

Then there is sinequan which is a new type of medicine but has the longest history of anti anxiety meds. This also has a horrible overdose record...

I don't even know if I want him to take anything but sometimes I feel like i am being unfair to him because I see what he goes through when he starts having a panic attack.

I am just at a major crossroads. He hasn't mentioned it because he doesn't want me to think he is after drugs( well he hasn't said that but that is something I am sure about)

I don't know what to do. Should I mention it to him about going to the doctor and letting them know? I just don't want him back on something he will abuse.

I also know this time that I not only won't, but CAN'T, be the one to make sure he takes his medicine as directed because I WILL NOT put myself in that place again.....to much bad stress on me as I am currently in recovery for being extremely codependent.

I am also going to do a post in the mental health forum to see if anyone there knows anythign about them...

Any opinions would be greatly appreciated because they are a valuable to me. Thanks.
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Old 06-24-2006, 04:09 AM
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How about asking your husband yourself? Doesn't his opinion matter? You say he's going to therapy, he's trying to fix the problem, obviously. What strikes me is that you're talking like 'we gonna put him on meds'. No, he'll put himself on meds, or not. And if he thinks he'll get addicted to the meds, or he has the opinion he doesn't need them, he got all right to and you can't force him.
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Old 06-25-2006, 08:00 AM
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I Agree wth BSPGirl and would add that the right Dr should be able to prescribe the right medication should your hubby need or want to go down that path.

Peace,

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Old 06-25-2006, 12:13 PM
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Yes, I totally agree.

This is between your husband and his dr. and it should be them who choose the medication (keeping in mind your husband's addiction), not you and your mother.
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:55 AM
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BSPGirl...thanks...I am not sure if you understand what I am asking you. Your response seems really harsh. I don't know if you live with an addict or whether you are one yourself.

I am not trying to PUT my husband on anything. He WILL NOT bring the subject up to me because he worries about what I'll think and I know thats the truth.

He worries because of the hell he put me through when he was actively using. I WILL NOT FORCE MY HUSBAND TO DO ANYTHING. I don't know how you got that out of my post.

It will be up to him but the major decisions as to whether or not either of us go on any type of major medication are ones we share together, especially after addiction.

My thread was to see if any of you had heard of any of these meds. not only if I do decide to bring the subject up to my Husband, insteading of waiting on him to be comfortable enough to bring it up to me, so that we'd have a little backround on what he is taking if he decides to look at meds.

We don't have a computer at home so I will be the one researching whatever meds he asks about.

REGARDLESS, of what people think, it is always necessary to research medicines before you take them because you'll know alot more about what your putting into your body instead of just poppin a pill every day.
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Old 06-26-2006, 08:08 AM
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Sweet...thanks...at least someone got what I was trying to ask.

he knows he has to absolutely honest with the doc. He's honestly trying to stay clean this time around.
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Old 06-26-2006, 08:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Jwife22
BSPGirl...thanks...I am not sure if you understand what I am asking you. Your response seems really harsh. I don't know if you live with an addict or whether you are one yourself.

I am not trying to PUT my husband on anything. He WILL NOT bring the subject up to me because he worries about what I'll think and I know thats the truth.

He worries because of the hell he put me through when he was actively using. I WILL NOT FORCE MY HUSBAND TO DO ANYTHING. I don't know how you got that out of my post.

It will be up to him but the major decisions as to whether or not either of us go on any type of major medication are ones we share together, especially after addiction.

My thread was to see if any of you had heard of any of these meds. not only if I do decide to bring the subject up to my Husband, insteading of waiting on him to be comfortable enough to bring it up to me, so that we'd have a little backround on what he is taking if he decides to look at meds.

We don't have a computer at home so I will be the one researching whatever meds he asks about.

REGARDLESS, of what people think, it is always necessary to research medicines before you take them because you'll know alot more about what your putting into your body instead of just poppin a pill every day.
Well...wouldn't it have been easier to not use phrases like 'my mother and I are trying to figure out what meds we'll put him on' ? and just ask: hey guys do you have experience with [insert the names of the meds here] and yes I agree, do some research on meds before mindlessly popping them.

And while I'm sure you got all reasons to worry, I can imagine your husband won't share anything with you anymore just cuz of that, it's complicated but you can break this circle starting like 'hey I care about you a lot and I respect your decisions but I worry about you as well' then sit down and take it from there. I don't feel as if I was harsh cuz others took the post in the same way but I apologize if I offended you.
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Old 06-26-2006, 08:11 AM
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Aristo---I agree. I am not trying to choose a medication for my husband. This is just some of the most commonly ones prescribed that are non addictive that I could find. I won't MAKE him go to the doctor which is what I think BSP girl thinks, it will be his decision to go if he wants to go or don't if he doesn't but I want him to know that the opportunity is there for him to take some type of anti anxiety meds.

51Anna--it is not me and my mother deciding what my husband should take. See above response to Aristo.

I don't think anyone gets what I am trying to ask.
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Old 06-26-2006, 08:35 AM
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Well...wouldn't it have been easier to not use phrases like 'my mother and I are trying to figure out what meds we'll put him on' ?

This statement was no where in my thread.

"My mother suggested that although he is doing somewhat okay in learning to control his anxiety at work, that maybe we should consider putting him on some type of anti anxiety meds"

This statement was and we is meant as my husband and I, not my mother and I.

My Husband share more than you think with me. We talk about his recovery, his urges, his mentor, his therapy alot.

The meds thing is the only thing I know he really won't bring up to me. We do tell eachother a whole lot. With our situation, it was lies, betrayal, hurt, pain, anger over and over again while he was using. I think he doesn't want to start that over again.

I made my decision about talking to my husband about seeing a doc. We spoke about it over the weekend and he was very open with me about how he feels about it.

Its something he wants to discuss with his therapist before he goes and he knows he must be completely honest about his addiction.

Apology accepted. I understand where you are coming from b/c reading your profile, you were the addict and understand more about where he is coming from and I am the codependent wife just wanting to "fix" things.
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Old 06-26-2006, 09:11 AM
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This statement was and we is meant as my husband and I, not my mother and I.
Thanks for the rephrasing. I know how hard it is for you to not interfere and accept that ppl basically help themselves, I been on that side too, being the gf of an addict and all.
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