advice on an affair
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere nj
Posts: 23
advice on an affair
Before my husband got into recovery, he had an affair that lasted 1 month & then we separated. We are now back together & he is clean for 9 months.
Does anyone have feedback on this?? Do you get into recovery & realize that you really are not in love with the other women, you just used her for sex & drugs or do you realize you can't continue that relationship because she uses & you need to get away from people, places & things??
I'm having a hard time with this. My husband says he was so clouded by drugs that he thought he loved her, but realized he loves me.
Any feedback would be great
Hugs & prayers
Does anyone have feedback on this?? Do you get into recovery & realize that you really are not in love with the other women, you just used her for sex & drugs or do you realize you can't continue that relationship because she uses & you need to get away from people, places & things??
I'm having a hard time with this. My husband says he was so clouded by drugs that he thought he loved her, but realized he loves me.
Any feedback would be great
Hugs & prayers
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
HI,
First of all, I am so sorry you have had to suffer this along with all of the other things related to someones use. I would never know how you feel- we all handle these things differently. Is he sorry he hurt you this way, or just making an excuse? It is in the past but the trust has been broken. For me, I would require some accountability on his part and marraige counseling too. I hope things work out for you and that his new life of sobriety will bring many positive changes. Whether or not he was in a haze when this happened- you were not in a haze- it happened to you being fully aware and feeling all the feelings. I hope that I gave you something to think about- I have been married over 32 yrs and have seen alot of life, each person has to find their own way to deal with it- keep asking others for help. You may find bits and pieces from each one and work your own way from that.
It is worth the work to stay together if you ( and he) can do that- each marriage has troubles and usually they can be worked out, waited out, talked out etc. Take care of yourself-
cmc
First of all, I am so sorry you have had to suffer this along with all of the other things related to someones use. I would never know how you feel- we all handle these things differently. Is he sorry he hurt you this way, or just making an excuse? It is in the past but the trust has been broken. For me, I would require some accountability on his part and marraige counseling too. I hope things work out for you and that his new life of sobriety will bring many positive changes. Whether or not he was in a haze when this happened- you were not in a haze- it happened to you being fully aware and feeling all the feelings. I hope that I gave you something to think about- I have been married over 32 yrs and have seen alot of life, each person has to find their own way to deal with it- keep asking others for help. You may find bits and pieces from each one and work your own way from that.
It is worth the work to stay together if you ( and he) can do that- each marriage has troubles and usually they can be worked out, waited out, talked out etc. Take care of yourself-
cmc
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 79
Well, I can't speak for your husband, but I do kinda know where he's coming from. I did not cheat on my wife, but I certainly entertained the idea. And I absolutely, 100% LOVE my wife! It wasn't out of any special need, it was just boredom and drugs for me. Now that I'm healing, I would never, ever do anything to jeopardize my relationship.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Here & Now
Posts: 10
I found this message board after reading a thread on marriagebuilders.com . While they don't touch on addiction, they do have a very thorough section on recovery after affairs and there is bound to be some information that may be helpful for your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Ft Lauderdale Florida
Posts: 23
Affair
New yesterday hope doing this right thought dealing with alcohol and then 8/2005 be came aware crack now on Jan 10 after 4 years living together told met younge woman house SSD and Smokes also quite a scene we broke up still love him and so hurt and confused I had tried smoking with him and wanted to tonight with some mutual friends we met in Sept. but got bad vibes and tired and sick so didn't any help and insight greatly appreciated
Originally Posted by cmc
HI,
First of all, I am so sorry you have had to suffer this along with all of the other things related to someones use. I would never know how you feel- we all handle these things differently. Is he sorry he hurt you this way, or just making an excuse? It is in the past but the trust has been broken. For me, I would require some accountability on his part and marraige counseling too. I hope things work out for you and that his new life of sobriety will bring many positive changes. Whether or not he was in a haze when this happened- you were not in a haze- it happened to you being fully aware and feeling all the feelings. I hope that I gave you something to think about- I have been married over 32 yrs and have seen alot of life, each person has to find their own way to deal with it- keep asking others for help. You may find bits and pieces from each one and work your own way from that.
It is worth the work to stay together if you ( and he) can do that- each marriage has troubles and usually they can be worked out, waited out, talked out etc. Take care of yourself-
cmc
First of all, I am so sorry you have had to suffer this along with all of the other things related to someones use. I would never know how you feel- we all handle these things differently. Is he sorry he hurt you this way, or just making an excuse? It is in the past but the trust has been broken. For me, I would require some accountability on his part and marraige counseling too. I hope things work out for you and that his new life of sobriety will bring many positive changes. Whether or not he was in a haze when this happened- you were not in a haze- it happened to you being fully aware and feeling all the feelings. I hope that I gave you something to think about- I have been married over 32 yrs and have seen alot of life, each person has to find their own way to deal with it- keep asking others for help. You may find bits and pieces from each one and work your own way from that.
It is worth the work to stay together if you ( and he) can do that- each marriage has troubles and usually they can be worked out, waited out, talked out etc. Take care of yourself-
cmc
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