Bouncing all over the place....Yikes!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,707
Bouncing all over the place....Yikes!
Ah crap! I just can't seem to get grounded.
My wife says I'm an addict.
The doctor I talked to says I'm an addict.
My drug and alcohol concellor say I am an addict.But me, I still struggle with the idea. It's not that I have a problem saying I'm an addict,I'm not scared anymore.And I certainly don't have anything against anyone who is an addict.
I know only the person themselves can really say,and I don't want to get trapped in the idea that I'm not,because denial is so distructive for the addict.
I don't want to mull the question around and around, and come to the conclusion that I'm not when I am.I don't know ...maybe I just feel strange
my life has changed so much in the last few weeks and I do feel very much ashamed.I think maybe I thought I had everything covered and hidden so well. I hope this isn't a pride issue. I think that I shouldn't try to figure everything out, but instead concentrate on getting free of my addiction.
Maybe I'm trying to run before I can walk.Maybe I should stop using the word maybe. Thank-you for letting me vent. I'am not used to having friendship. zzzzzz......Joe
My wife says I'm an addict.
The doctor I talked to says I'm an addict.
My drug and alcohol concellor say I am an addict.But me, I still struggle with the idea. It's not that I have a problem saying I'm an addict,I'm not scared anymore.And I certainly don't have anything against anyone who is an addict.
I know only the person themselves can really say,and I don't want to get trapped in the idea that I'm not,because denial is so distructive for the addict.
I don't want to mull the question around and around, and come to the conclusion that I'm not when I am.I don't know ...maybe I just feel strange
my life has changed so much in the last few weeks and I do feel very much ashamed.I think maybe I thought I had everything covered and hidden so well. I hope this isn't a pride issue. I think that I shouldn't try to figure everything out, but instead concentrate on getting free of my addiction.
Maybe I'm trying to run before I can walk.Maybe I should stop using the word maybe. Thank-you for letting me vent. I'am not used to having friendship. zzzzzz......Joe
Day by day....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NW GA
Posts: 357
Hi Joe. I have followed some of your story and can relate to where you are right now.
Denial is such a normal part of all this - especially now that you are starting to feel a little better. Our addiction has a nasty and sneaky little way of convincing us that because we quit for a little while & we made it through withdrawals that we must not really be an addict. Those dangerous thoughts creep in there before we are even conscious of it and if we aren't dilligent we can get swept away by the tide of deception. Atleast this is true for me.
This is always the most dangerous time in my experience. It was never really the physical symptoms that challenged me so much. Yes they are miserable and uncomfortable, but it has always been the mental struggle, denial, obsessive thoughts and compulsion to use that came after physical withdrawal was over that gave me the most trouble.
I don't know if you are involved in any support groups outside of SR, but this might be very helpful to you in breaking through the denial and making sure that you stay on track. I've found the experience of hearing my story from the mouths of others has been extremely helpful in reminding me where I came from, reminding me I am not unique and in keeping me grounded. I believe that different programs and methods can work for different people - even combinations of different programs. One person might find value in aspects of all kinds of different approaches. In my experience NA is my primary 12 step fellowship, but in researching other methods I have also found helpful aspects in SMART, in church, in meditation and in various inspirational readings. So I take what I can use and leave the rest - anything that helps me make it another day has value.
You are really doing great - hang in there Joe and keep doing the next right thing. Remember where you came from and what you were going through over the past few weeks. It is helpful for me to journal and then go back and read what was written later. Even going back a week or a few days and reading can remind me of where I was, how far I've come and what I might have left to work on.
Denial is such a normal part of all this - especially now that you are starting to feel a little better. Our addiction has a nasty and sneaky little way of convincing us that because we quit for a little while & we made it through withdrawals that we must not really be an addict. Those dangerous thoughts creep in there before we are even conscious of it and if we aren't dilligent we can get swept away by the tide of deception. Atleast this is true for me.
This is always the most dangerous time in my experience. It was never really the physical symptoms that challenged me so much. Yes they are miserable and uncomfortable, but it has always been the mental struggle, denial, obsessive thoughts and compulsion to use that came after physical withdrawal was over that gave me the most trouble.
I don't know if you are involved in any support groups outside of SR, but this might be very helpful to you in breaking through the denial and making sure that you stay on track. I've found the experience of hearing my story from the mouths of others has been extremely helpful in reminding me where I came from, reminding me I am not unique and in keeping me grounded. I believe that different programs and methods can work for different people - even combinations of different programs. One person might find value in aspects of all kinds of different approaches. In my experience NA is my primary 12 step fellowship, but in researching other methods I have also found helpful aspects in SMART, in church, in meditation and in various inspirational readings. So I take what I can use and leave the rest - anything that helps me make it another day has value.
You are really doing great - hang in there Joe and keep doing the next right thing. Remember where you came from and what you were going through over the past few weeks. It is helpful for me to journal and then go back and read what was written later. Even going back a week or a few days and reading can remind me of where I was, how far I've come and what I might have left to work on.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((Joe)))
Be free live well, keep the faith, and pray when you are confused or feeling bad and when you are content and feeling good. I believe you will make it!! Keep posting to..
Be free live well, keep the faith, and pray when you are confused or feeling bad and when you are content and feeling good. I believe you will make it!! Keep posting to..
NA Rocks!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Location Location
Posts: 517
Joe, you're going to be going through a lot of feelings as this garbage leaves your system. It's quite the rollercoaster ride. But it's so good you're letting those feelings out and working with them. I really respect your openness with your recovery. You'll go far!
Today's NA Just For Today addresses what you're feeling right now, for the most part. I cut and pasted (hope that's okay, Dan) for you to see.
Keep coming back!
Today's NA Just For Today addresses what you're feeling right now, for the most part. I cut and pasted (hope that's okay, Dan) for you to see.
Keep coming back!
Just for Today, January 28.
<hr style="color: rgb(209, 209, 225);" size="1"> An every-day addict
"We can never fully recover, no matter how long we stay clean."
Basic Text p.80
After getting a little time in the program, some of us begin to think we have been cured. We've learned everything NA has to teach us; we've grown bored with the meetings; and our sponsor keeps droning the same old refrain: "The steps-the steps-the steps!" We decide it is time to get on with our lives, cut way back on meetings, and try to make up for the years we have lost to active addiction. We do this, however, at the peril of our recovery.
Those of us who have relapsed after such an episode often try to go to as many meetings as we can-some of us go to a meeting every day for several years. It may take that long for us to understand that we will always be addicts. We may feel well some days and sick on other days, but we are addicts every day. At any time, we are subject to delusion, denial, rationalization, justification, insanity-all the hallmarks of the typical addict's way of thinking. If we want to continue living and enjoying life without the use of drugs, we must practice an active program of recovery each day.
Just for today: I am an addict every day, but today I have the choice to be a recovering addict. I will make that choice by practicing my program.
pg. 28
Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous©
<hr style="color: rgb(209, 209, 225);" size="1"> An every-day addict
"We can never fully recover, no matter how long we stay clean."
Basic Text p.80
After getting a little time in the program, some of us begin to think we have been cured. We've learned everything NA has to teach us; we've grown bored with the meetings; and our sponsor keeps droning the same old refrain: "The steps-the steps-the steps!" We decide it is time to get on with our lives, cut way back on meetings, and try to make up for the years we have lost to active addiction. We do this, however, at the peril of our recovery.
Those of us who have relapsed after such an episode often try to go to as many meetings as we can-some of us go to a meeting every day for several years. It may take that long for us to understand that we will always be addicts. We may feel well some days and sick on other days, but we are addicts every day. At any time, we are subject to delusion, denial, rationalization, justification, insanity-all the hallmarks of the typical addict's way of thinking. If we want to continue living and enjoying life without the use of drugs, we must practice an active program of recovery each day.
Just for today: I am an addict every day, but today I have the choice to be a recovering addict. I will make that choice by practicing my program.
pg. 28
Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous©
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Ya know what Joe,
you come this far without knowing the answer.
Addict or not, we both know that using didn't help anything and you are so much better today then two weeks ago.
I say stuff it and live for the day. Enjoy the wonderful new life of being clean and sober.
You worked hard at getting here. Great Job. Congratulations.
Addict or not... just remember that using helps nothing.
you come this far without knowing the answer.
Addict or not, we both know that using didn't help anything and you are so much better today then two weeks ago.
I say stuff it and live for the day. Enjoy the wonderful new life of being clean and sober.
You worked hard at getting here. Great Job. Congratulations.
Addict or not... just remember that using helps nothing.
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