deenrose

I just want to share where I'm at today. I got out of treatment on 12/27/05, and today I have 66 days clean. I have been going to meetings daily. I have a sponsor, and I have started to do the work that recovery entails. I try to remain vigilant. I do not associate with anyone who uses. I stay away from places where using is happening, and I avoid the things that I associated with my active days (i.e. triggers). I want to stay clean and I am doing it one day at a time.

However, what is troubling me now is that I am not working. I am an electrician by trade. I completed Electrical School last summer and I am qualified to work in the field. After treatment I started trying to re-enter into my field again. I have not found a job yet. It is not for lack of trying. I have been looking through the papers, going over the on line job sites, and even cold calling. I have not landed a job yet. I am truly frustrated. I am a married man. My wife is supportive of my recovery and that is a blessing. She is the one handling everything right now. I do not like being without a job and this weighs heavily on my mind constantly. She encourages me daily. But, this does not make me feel any better. I want to be working again. My tools are just sitting in my living room collecting dust.

I really feel good about being clean. When I was active, I ****** up two jobs. I am sure that you all know and can relate to the story. When I was active, I just was not capable of being responsible. I could not show up to work. Staying clean is my first priority. I know that if I don't do that then all bets are off. But, now that I am clean I want to be working again. To top it all off, I am dealing with the fact that I have a criminal record. This is also part of the wreckage from my past because of my using. I have been telling potential employers about that because I am trying to get honest about that, and I don't want to be running and hiding for the rest of my life. This is a definate obstacle too. I know that I am rambling, but this is where I am at and I just wanted to get this out. I know that God has a plan for me and it will take place in his time and not in mine. However, I can't help the way that I feel right now.

Moontime

Question? Do you believe in a Higher Power? I've been in your situation and God had it all planned out, I just needed to suit up and show up and not get down of where I was at. Thank God we don't get what we want and Thank God when we do get what we need. If you got that job two weeks ago and worked, you may have relapsed already and that's why your not working right now. You may have gotten a big fat paycheck and started making money and quite possibly money may divert you from your primary purpose right now, which is to stay clean. I don't know, but God does. I believe God puts us in situations and oppurtunties that I can handle at my stage in recovery.

deenrose

Yes, I do believe in GOD, but to tell you the truth I have to work on having just a little more faith.

Moontime

Faith will come. It came slowly for me and I was always reminded by my sponsor on any situations that weren't going my away, "have I ever been let down by God" the answer for me was no. It came over time, it came in that 2nd step.

Luckyv2

Hey Deenrose I sure can relate to where you are. I have been there, when I got in the program I was not employable. I too had the things that you are going through. I remember when I got clean I would try to make everything happen, still do today sometimes. I have ran my own business most of my life, and the bridges that I burned wasn't good. But it took all of that to get me where I am today. I also have a criminal record. I think that you are right where you need to be and when the time is right that door will open. God will open the door and it looks like you are doing the footwork, that is all that you can do.

I don't know a lot but I believe that you will be OK. You are keeping your recovery priority and that is what counts the most, everything else will be OK.

You know it is NONE of MY BUISNESS if you believe in a Higher Power or not, you already mentioned God so you must believe in God and it doesn't matter who your God is. It is not about how much faith we have it is exercising the faith that we do have. It doesn't take much faith to get it all going. Obviously you do have faith or you wouldn't be staying clean. Bottom line.......

Love Vic

REZ

Keep putting your recovery first and the job thing will work out. You may need to change careers--but HP can support you through that as well.

deenrose

Its funny that you should mention changing careers REZ. I was just talking that very same thing over with my wife. She suggested it as an alternative. I am very frustrated right now. I traveled all the way to the other end of Long Island and they offered me $7 per hour for an electrical job. I was disgusted. After that I did not even want to talk anymore. I just wanted to leave. I could not accept that. That would do me no good. On top of that, I would have had to drive to the job sites myself which entails gas money and wear and tear on my car. Needless to say, I am not feeling to good right now.

Anyway, we spoke about changing careers for me. I know that that will involve a tremendous leap of faith. I really don't know what to do right now. I am truly disgusted...

Luckyv2

I know it isn't easy, I have ran my own business for years, but with the wreckage of my past and all the bridges that I burned I had to realize that I am not able to start where I left off. When I moved to where I live now 5 months ago, I didn't know anyone. I am used to making really good money. When this guy offered me a job for $20.00 an hour I was pissed. I am used to making a hell of a lot more than that and that isn't going to help me. But I took the job and the reason I did is because I knew that I had to start somewhere. I didn't have to stay where I am and I could at least work until I would find something better. Guess what I just go a call to paint the inside of this house and it will be a lot more than 20 even 40 hour, but if I didn't swallow my pride and ego and take something I might have not gotten anywhere. I know it will be OK but it is also important to keep busy.

Love Vic

Sending good thoughts your way.