cj.

During the past few days, I've had the opportunity to reflect on the past year and, like Kathy Z, I have revisited some of my old posts here.

I really haven't been a contributing part of this site for quite some time, but I do visit often to read and take your thoughts and experiences into my world to help ease the difficulties and to stay grounded in my decision for recovery.

In my quest to find more freedom from my old way of life, I have hit many bumps along the way, and this past year has been the bumpiest yet! I suppose it might have helped to share more here, but I am only just learning how to accept and work through some ancient thought patterns and behaviours that have been a huge barrier to a deeper, more satisfying spiritual life, and I am not very comfortable putting new thoughts and ideas out in the open too quickly.

Each and every significant change and challenge this past year has led me to take a good hard look at my spiritual condition. Spiritual Principles are all well and good when I practice them in everyday living, but when they lose their lustre and become meaningless and rote, I wonder what it is that stops me from truly internalizing them so that I will be able to live from that place which instinctively needs not question every single motive. Mine or yours.

Unfinished and ill defined thoughts, these may be, but that is where I am for today.

I wish you all non-tortuous reflections this holiday season!

Peace
cj

REZ

"Spiritual Principles are all well and good when I practice them in everyday living, but when they lose their lustre and become meaningless and rote, I wonder what it is that stops me from truly internalizing them so that I will be able to live from that place which instinctively needs not question every single motive."
I can relate. One of my problems is that I think too much. For me, living a spiritual life often involves getting out my head, out of analyzing my motives (or someone else's) and just doing the next right thing.

Phinneas

Good to see you, CJ. Don't be shy. You're among friends.

Yes, for me as well, spiritual priciples are the foundation of my life broken down by hour and day. When I am connected, things just have a beautiful flow. When I am not connected, I am impatient, irritable and discontent. It seems to always boil down to the inner me. My perceptions, how I view a situation or person is always dependent on my spiritual fitness.

I wish it was easy to be consistent. I would chose Nirvana every day. But life is not designed like that. So, I get to keep striving.

Dan

We were very consistent when we were active. Precise like clockwork, usually.
Recovery is consistently simple.
And never easy.

cj...

cj.

Yes.... That's it! My perceptions have been way off from what NA has taught me. I'm sure my disease was loving every minute of my fear and discomfort, but simply thinking about that Nirvana ideal, had my spirit knowing that I was living far away from even the basic care and love for myself. I had been so caught up in loss that I began to lose myself. But of course, being the island that I am ( ), I missed it.

"When the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than our fear of (or need to) change, we will surely let go" (It Works How and Why pg64) (parenthesis mine)

Thanks for your input guys! You helped me a lot!

Peace
cj