Blake

So I love my girlfriend. She is one of the most unique and awsome people I have ever met, which is why this suscks so much...

We got into an argument at the end of last week and she got all pissed off and depressed. She abused her halidol and ambien and came to my house friday. We were supposed to go to the meeting friday night then go see Harry Potter. I could tell she was loaded and I called her on it. She said that she hadn't shot any dope, but she had taken more halidol and ambien than she was perscribed and I told her, "well doesn't that make you loaded?" She got pissed and left.

I didn't call her and she didn't call me till yesterday. I found out she had went out saturday night with some old friends to a bar and got drunk. She called me sunday and told me about it and I told her that we need to call the relationship off for right now and she got upset. I don't want to break up with her, but I have to think about her welfare. Obviously (even thought I wish it would) our relationship can't keep her clean...

I called it off b/c I think our relationship complicates things for her. It isn't fair to her, and I would feel dirty staying in the relationship when it obviously isn't working for her.

It still sucks, I know I'm doing the right thing but it hurts and she is hurt too.

We are still gonna stay friends (if possible) and I hope one day we'll be back together, just not right now.

I just hope I can keep my word and not get dragged back into it in a week or two.

Dan

Wow...
Grace and honor, Blake.

Luckyv2

I think that this is why it is so important for us to have a year at least, you know they tell us that all of the time. But I know that I never did listen. A few months ago I thought that I was madly in love with a person, yet I couldn't even love myself. I am grateful today that nothing really evolved with that person, or my life wouldn't be where I am today. I know that I would love to have someone in my life also, but I also know that right now I don't really have time for that. I have my recovery to work on and that in itself takes so much work, plus living life, cleaning, etc.

I would only be fooling myself to think that I am ready for a relationship. I hope Blake that you take a good look at it for what it truly is. I don't know about you but a lot of me wanting someone around before is because I really didn't feel good in my own skin. I had to look at that stuff and that is where this 4th step is coming from. I think if this is the same one that you have been talking about for awhile, then it might be time too not only take a look at it as a whole, but what are our motives. I know sometimes it is really hard for me to identify motives. I might think one thing but if I run it by someone else who has a lot more clean time, then they usually have the answer.

I don't know the answers but I just have to say one more time that for me today I am not ready nor do I have time for a relationship, LOL I might have to come back and look at this later on today because there is this one fine chick here who like me a whole lot, she is 12 years younger than me, but the point is that a relationship takes a lot of work. Am I willing to trade my sobriety work for the relationship one, NO because I am not healthy enough to handle both right now. I will send good thoughts your way I think about you a lot..

Love Vic

bikewench

Blake

yes...
you better start setting some boundaries ... now.....
and it's not about love...
it's about self abuse and being a witness to that... especially since she is also abusing your baby...
that's if she's still pregnant..??

what is she thinking...
drinking...


gawd...

Time4Change

Blake, Hon, I know you love her, and breaking up hurts so damned deeply, and sometimes those of us who haven't gone through that kind of pain in years forget exactly what it's like so it's easy for us to say "Get on with your life and get over her" but we do have the benefit of neutrality, and from the outside looking in, I see you very concerned about her, which is very honorable and loving (which you are, and then some) but I don't see you talking much about YOU. Remember, YOU and your recovery must be first. Don't lose yourself. Don't push your own recovery aside because you're consumed with saving Sarah. You've done so much for her already. I admire you so very much, Blake. You are such a kind soul. I don't want to see you hurt, either.

I think putting the relationship on hold for a while is a great idea, Blake. Good for you! Stay strong and hang on tight to your sponsor and your NA group through this, k? Oh, and don't forget us, too! We love you!

REZ

I could not be in a relationship with someone who is abusing drugs and alcohol like this person obviously is. I don't know how you got into this relationship or stayed in it and still stayed clean...

Blake

THanks for the responses yall.

Vic, I can deffinately see some of what you are talking about. A substitution of a outside source that made me feel well and whole isn't what I need. I loved being in this relationship b/c I felt normal in it and I like to feel "normal". I still believe I love this girl though, all ******** aside.


Bikewench, I know....I wish I could shake the craziness out of her, but that isn't reality...unfortunately, she had an abortion when she was off her meds and in a paranoid/manic state. It must not have been my time to have a kid...

T4C, I am worried about her, and that was most of my motives for breaking up with her. Altough I know that it is what is probably best for my recovery too. Deep down inside, my selfishness wants me to get back with her and not give a **** about her recovery (I forgot to say she came to the sunday night meeting to pick up her white keytag) b/c it makes me feel good to be with her and that's the most important thing to my disease....to feel good.

Rez, When I got into this relationship, we were both clean but after a while she relapsed, I was going to break it off then, but she had ended up pregnant, so I decided to stay with her and help her get clean again. She did and for a while it was good, then she got off her psyc meds (she is bipolar) and went crazy, relapsed and had an abortion. I felt like it would have been a ****** thing to do to break up with her after that relapse since see was in a VERY ****** palce mentally and emotionally. I couldn't leave her then b/c I would have felt unimaginable guilt had she killed herself. Things were going good again after that and she made a month clean last week, then all that **** happened....I have proven to myself that I can't fix her, no matter how much I want to, so it is best to just call it off for right now. She is a sick person and she needs time to arrest her disease.

It was simple to not get loaded through all this, I don't use no matter what happens. As long as I do that, I stay clean. It wasn't very easy, but by the grace of my god, I didn't pick up. Now I understand why it is suggested to not get into relationships in the first year (or till a 5th step is done, as my sponsor suggests)

REZ

It sounds like you're in between a rock and a hard place on this one. Hang in! Don't use no matter what. Take care of your own recovery--first things first!

Gooch

In spite of what discomfort you may feel calling it off, thats one hell of an unselfish statement brother. I hear a lot of acceptance, patience, tolerance, and growth in your post.

Anna

Blake,

I think you are making the right decision for you, and I hope that, in time things will work out with your girlfriend.

Moontime

Blake, your recovery is shining!!! Is she pregenant and drinking?