Luckyv2

I can almost taste it, I am going to a meeting, then I have to chair here tonight, but all the knowledge in the world won't help if I have a fixed mind. I am not sure what is going on right now, feeling a little lonly, don't think that it is self pitty but it could be. I know that I just am not feeling right in my gut tonight. Said I wouldn't post no more OH BOY was that BS or maybe it wasn't at the time.

I just don't seem to understand why but then again I don't know if I have to I am also going to get a hold of my sponsor. Anyways NOT doing good..

Vic

Time2Surrender

Hang in there Vic.You did the right thing posting your feelings.We all have these feelings from time to time or I guess this board wouldnt be here.

Luckyv2

I wish that I could say that I am better right now, I was doing good until I left the meeting and came home but I don't know I am doing what I have to. I have called my sponsor he told me to get my ass to a meeting which I was headed to one when I called. I have to chair right now here and then we will see just don't know what the heck is going on here. Really scared about this right now.

Love Vic

MagdaM

you can do this--i know you can. don't dissappoint yourself and all the hard work.

HPierce

i'm sorry this is tough for you right now vic but remember you can do it! 8 months is no joke your doing great! we all hit rough spots but just grit and bear it and you'll be just fine! lots of love!!

Heidi

grumpy_b05

Keep talking to your HP, your sponsor, to us, whoever you need to. You can do this Vic! I've got hugs, kisses, love, ears to listen with, fingers to type with, and prayer, what ever you need I am glad to help!

Hugs & Laughter
GRUMPY

Luckyv2

Thanks everyone this mean a lot to me. I am so dang happy right now but I went to chair the on-line meeting tonight and I mean that I really wanted to use. And some of my friends from SR where there, and one that I haven't seen for a long time MagdaM, anyway I talked right away about wanting to use. Don't know what happened during that meeting but it was as if SR and the people there took away that obsession, HP, whatever but it was gone.

I am so happy to be clean, I was so scared there for my LIFE> I have NEVER done what I have done tonight when that obsession was that strong. I think that this was the FIRST time that I have ever called my sponsor and told him that I felt like using. I hope that it doesn't come back for awhile that was ruff stuff. Well I will put that in my bank account because someday I will need to look back and say "Vic, you got through that one, you can do it this time too.."

Thanks Everyone and what a great meeting great crowd I think I counted 12 at one time....

Love Vic

Phinneas

That's how this stuff works. Recovery in action. Well done.

frosti

Glad to hear another MIRACLE just happened. God Bless ya Vic. I found this site one night a few days after I had went back for a tip toe with the devil. You were one of the first posts I read and I know I can use your inspiration and coments. You've made me look at some things in a different light. If you remember to keep doing just what your doing, i'll try to keep tagging along.
THIRTY DAYS TODAY I'm giving myself a pat on the head but you people deserve one too!!!!

Blake

Awsome vic,

I can deffinately relate to the insane using thoughts creaping in from time to time, just remember last night next time they come on and how you didn't pick up, used the tools and the feelings passed. SR has helped me out of a hole a time or 2 also and I share your gratitude for this site.

Keep it up dude,
Blake

P.S. congrats frosti!!!!! 30 days it awsome!!!!!!I remeber my first 30 days and it was rough, you made it this far and you never HAVE TO use again, don't pick up no matter what happens.

Luckyv2

Yes Frosti that is wonderful that is awesome but all we have is today..

Love Vic and thanks everyone I appreciate it.

hopealwayz

Vic,
I am proud of you for everything that you have accomplished.
Sometimes, it gets rough, but we can find our inner strength to hold on.

Take care, my friend.

Hugs,
Cheryl

Kahlia

Dear friend Vic....I am SO VERY proud of you. It is so hard sometimes to get your head out of your arse and get it together-I call it stupid thinking....even just for a few minute, an hour or a day. The thing about it is-you did NOT pick up. You said you felt as though SR, and your HP were at that meeting, they were. I believe at times when we need them the most, they just are there. We have word too damn hard to go back and YOU have worked like a dog, my friend. I love you, Vic, I admire you and I appreciate your total honesty about wanting to relapse. Some addicts cannot even do that.....you are too cool....thank you. You just keep on the CLEAN road,keep doing what you aredoing keep talking, keep coming here, you have the very best friends that an addict could have..again, well done...OH, by the way...you know where I am.......Kahlia......AND one more thing....stay peaceful

Luckyv2

Thanks Cheryl and ((((((Kahlia)))))) OMG I can not believe that you are here I have missed you so much and thank you guys so so so much and that saying that This too will pass, it will pass but we have to allow it to pass also. I am grateful for another day sober and clean that is for sure.

Love Vic

Luckyv2

((((((((((Ms B)))))))))))))

Thank you and it is so good to see you around I myfriend and afew others really miss you I hope that you know that. I was scared litlerly to death that day. I feared my LIFE when that hit me, because I know deep down in my heart that if I do choose to go back out and try some research that I won't be LUCKY enough to make it back to the rooms. I just feel that. It was like a run in desperation not only to a meeting but in calling my sponsor.

Here today I have been to one meeting but I am planing on going to another one just to build up a little security. My counsolor used to say that it takes sometimes 200 meetings to get you through a 10 min urge like that. Well I think that day I used up probably 1,000 meetings or more, It was that tuff and I hope that I don't have to experience that again any time soon...Good to see ya and I will send some good thoughts your way.

Love Vic