TONYTEXAS

Whats The Point Of Being Clean? Or Even Living The Rest Of Life With This Always There? It Never Goes Away. Im Frustrated And Upset. I Dont Get It

Phinneas

I will always be an addict, Tony. That's correct because I have the disease of addiction. But the urges, cravings, obsession DOES GO AWAY. For me, it was releived by working the steps, by working an honest program of recovery in NA / AA.

What's the alternative? Active addiction had already killed my spirit and was taking out my mind and my body (quickly, not slowly). It destroyed everything I cared about in this world. It was trying to kill me and maybe should have succeeded more times than I can count. I reached a point where I could not live that way for another minute. I couldn't take it anymore. And that was the point when I gave up fighting. That was when I got recovery.

There are many examples here on SR and in f2f meetings in your area of people who have found the solution, who are recovering and leading productive lives free from the hell of active addiction. Take your eyes off of your own problems for just a moment and see. Look to them to see why it is so worth it. If I can do it, if they can do it, then you can too.

We don't have to live this way any more. Honest.

Moontime

Thank god for drugs because I'd be dead today. Does that sound crazy? I would've blown my head off if I didn't have the drugs to lean on. Drugs got me into Narcotics Anonymous where I've found the root of all my problems. It has to do with me, it's not the drugs, it's the diease of addiction. It's the mental, physical, and spiritual bankcruptcy that my diesease causes me. I have the solution now, thanks to Sponsorship, NA and the 12 Steps, my life rocks so hard right now. I love living today! I hope you give it a chance.

TONYTEXAS

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR MEANINGFUL POSTS. SINCE IVE BEEN HERE A FEW DAYS IVE BEEN DOING ALOT OF THINKING. BUT ITS LIKE HAVING DUAL PERSONALITIES. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, I TRIED TO FIND MEETINGS NA IN MY AREA BUT I COULDNT FIGURE OUT THE SITE. ID BE WILLING TO CHECK ONE OUT ON THE WEEKEND.

ITS JUST SCARY, IVE SEEN VERY UNACCEPTING PEOPLE RUNNING THESE MEETINGS TO THE POINT OF SOMEONE BEING ACCUSED OF BEING HIGH AND HE LEFT.

THANK YOU MOONTIME FOR YOUR POST ALSO, I JUST WANTED TO COMMENT PERSONALLY TO PHINNEAS SINCE HE HAS BEEN HELPING ME ALOT LATELY.

Gooch

Exactly!

No way!

lol


I can still suffer from a duality of personality on any given day Tony. But every day is filled with so many opportunities for me to enjoy life, make new friends, and feel a litle gratitude to be alive to offer someone else some hope, that it makes those momentary lapses of reason worth enduring.

thats a shame but a reality at the same time.. If we stop and think about it, the people "running" the meetings are addicts too. I can only speak for myself but without the preoccupation of drugs in my life and my absolute horror at accepting I was powerless, "running a meeting" was a way I could feel useful and as if I made a difference. There is a fine line between being useful and attempting to control things. Most addicts I know will at some point admit they are control freaks.

Again it's sad when an addict leaves meetings, but ultimately they make that choice.

If I really wanted to stay straight bad enough and was willing to go to any length, I'd sta ay the meeting regardless of whether or not someone thought I was high.

The 3rd tradition guarantees us a seat at a meeting.

I hope you stick around Tony. You'll be amazed at what you can discover.

Phinneas

Yup, yup and YUP. I can only speak for myself, but I have an addict in my head who is trying to kill me. That voice whispers all sorts of mean, ugly crazy things in my ears day and night. It's hard. It really is. That's why I could not do it alone. I need others in recovery who have been there and know what it's like. Who understand me in all of my craziness. That's also where working the steps, getting on my knees and surrounding myself with clean and sober people who have what I want comes in. You can do this, Tony. Keep trying those meetings. (I've used AA, too, and found a lot of good sobriety there.)

BTW, HE is a she...

Hang in there, Tony, and keep posting, k?

REZ

It really does get better--trust me. You never stop being an addict, but you can find genuine peace, happiness, and joy in this program, but only if you do the footwork. Part of my problem is that I want to feel better--right now. Quick fixes can work in the short run for a while, but in the long run I need to do learn more about myself and how I can live a decent life without drugs.