Lost in the lies or is it the disease.....?
I WILL SURVIVE IT ALL
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: anywhere,usa
Posts: 15
Lost in the lies or is it the disease.....?
I am feeling very vindictive and jealous and angry......My wife and i are getting divorced..that really isnt the worst part though. I found out that she has been lying to me for a long time and most importantly about the past issues we had. Now that i know i feel like just not giving her a dime. I feel like leaving her with all the bills and responsibilities and just running away from it all. I feel like she deserves it and the worst part is i keep blaming her for my relapse almost a year and a half ago. I had over two years sober and we just got married and a month or so later i caught her cheating on me. That is when i relapsed and it has been on and off since. She lied about the whole thing and still continues to hold up her story even after i found out the details and more. How can i keep blaming her? I just feel like i am going out of my mind and spinning out of control with anger and rage. My ego is shattered that this woman who was supposed to love me a month after we are married betrays me.......and now look who is stuck holding the bag, the bills and this lonliness i feel.........I havent left the house all day and i dont feel like ever going outside,,,,,and here she is moving on with her life. Oh hell, i am just feeling sorry for myself.......I dont know what to do anymore..........
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
See my other posts on this. Staying clean and sober has to come first. Remember there is no problem (death, cheating, divorce, job loss etc.) that drinking or drugging will make better. It may feel better in the short run, but in the long run things only get worse. Put your recovery first. You can get through this. People are bound to disappoint us, but our higher power will not.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: out there...
Posts: 2,653
wow dude....
Looking back on this some day I wonder if you will hold a resentment against self for all the energy and precious time, your reaction to this situation is stealing from you? I know I did.
Venting is only part of the recovery process.
That being said.. Have you read the IP. The triangle of self obsession?
I carry it around in my wallet along with the pamphlet on self acceptance. They've been a big help in reminding me why I got clean in the frist place.
Looking back on this some day I wonder if you will hold a resentment against self for all the energy and precious time, your reaction to this situation is stealing from you? I know I did.
Venting is only part of the recovery process.
We are not interested in what or how much you used or who your connections were, what you have done in the past, how much or how little you have, but only in what you want to do about your problem and how we can help.
I carry it around in my wallet along with the pamphlet on self acceptance. They've been a big help in reminding me why I got clean in the frist place.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
I have been in a very simular situation,had the same feelings,and also relapsed.Looking back on it.Well,its pretty much how Gooch put it.So much wasted time and energy on my part.Working the steps really helps us to work through these things.Hang in there.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
