4Jessie

Hello, I'm Jessie.
I became a new member yesterday, now that I have decided to become "crack-free". I don't know how much of a problem I have compared to anyone else: I do it mostly only on weekends, usually only one night a week. I have tricked myself over and over again by soemhow changing my mind on usually Fri night- "this will REALLY be the last time" or something similar. This has been going on, getting progressively more upsetting, for 2 years. I hate it. It wastes SO much money. As soon as I spent my rent money, I knew I was in serious trouble. I would like to hear some of your experiences, length of time with this problem, your stories, or any tips you may have regarding STOPPING this. My only personal tips are to not keep any cash on hand, and not to drink. I saw someone else's post of waiting 10 minutes and the craving will go away- I will remember that. Anyway, I plan on checking in every day at least once, I hope to meet some people going throught the same thing so that we can support each other. I will probably really need more help this coming holiday weekend- it seems like I don't know what else to do on weekends anymore. Of course when Sunday or Monday rolls around I hate myself and think of all that I COULD have done, and how I wasted yet another weekend. Thanks for listening. Sincerely, Jessie

4Jessie

Does this mean I have to be "recovering" my entire life? Isn't there a point where you are finally over it? Or is it just a point of being "on guard" forever? I am not sure I agree it takes a lifetime to recover from 2 years. For example, I binge-drank on weekends in college, but now I don't drink much- certainly don't have a drinking problem. Any input?

4Jessie

Just wondering, no one has replied, and now there are so many new posts that my message disappeared.

Phinneas

Welcome to SR, Jessie. Sometimes it takes a bit of time for people to respond, depending on who is around. But others will be by soon to share their experience, strength and hope with you.

In my experience, addiction is a progressive disease. It's not likely that we can use again in the future without being right back where we started from (or worse off) in a very short amount of time. That said, and this may seem like a contradiction, we don't need to quit using forever, just one day at a time. I just don't have to use today and those todays slowly but surely add up to weeks and months and years. That's how it works and it does work. We do recover.

What is your plan for getting through the coming weekend without picking up? In recovery, it's recommended that we change people, places and things that relate to using. Meetings are a great place to meet new people, get tools on how not to pick up no matter what and learn to deal with life without drugs or alcohol. I suggest you check out some meetings in your area.

Oh, and a drug is a drug is a drug, which includes alcohol. You mentioned in your post about how alcohol leads you straight to crack. So not picking up means not picking up a drink or a joint or a whatever, too.

Glad you're here, Jessie. Hang in there and keep posting, k?

Time2Surrender

Hey Jessie.Welcome to SoberRecovery.Like Phinny said sometimes people are a little slow to respond.Stick around.This is a great place for support.Crack was my DOC too.I have been clean 6 months.I go to meetings daily and enjoy them.I have a whole new circle of friends in NA.Best friends I ever had.So for me the meetings are a lot about fellowship.My recovery comes from working through the steps with a sponsor.There is not one situation in my life that I cannot apply the steps to.As for being in recovery for life? I have no problem with it.Life is a journey.We learn and grow as we go.Through the steps I am becoming a better person.So,to work on being the best man I can be for the rest of my life.Live a drug free and happy life and at the same time help newcomers to find the freedom from addiction and misery.Doesnt sound so bad compared to the alternative.Stick around.give NA a try.The cravings will pass.They will get easier to deal with as time goes on.Having money used to be a major trigger for me too.I would have people hold my cash.Today I rarely have less than $500.00 in my pocket.And its no longer a trigger.Now,I wonder who will try and rob me?

EscoBlak

For the rest of your life my friend. If your telling yourself your over it, your letting your guard down exactly. Your going to have to remember that your only human . There is this thing called temptation. Temptation never dies no matter what it is that may tempt you. whether its ice cream, a sexy body or in your case , a nice fat rock to party with on the weekend. NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. no matter how much your life SEEMS to be going good. The greatest trick the devil pulled off was convincing the world he doesnt exist. Dont let the fact that "you only do it on weekends" make you feel as if your in a diffrent boat than those who smoke it from sun up to sun down everyday. In that boat called "Addiction" , we're all in it. and none of us are wearing life jackets.The Next time the rescue chopper drops some rope to save you , grab it and hold on!